Jelly Shoes, Big Hair, and Body on Tap Shampoo


They’re Baaa–aack!  All those horrors we thought we’d left behind in the ’80’s are back; the 2006 fall season is all about leggings and big hair, and it’s all giving me a bit of a headache, maybe from the scent memory of too much hairspray and half a bottle of Charlie perfume. 

I was a teenager in the ’80’s and indulged in all the hideous fashions of the day, including the shampoo infused with beer that was supposed to give hair extra body.  Ever wonder who wore those sparkley rope headbands?  It was me.  Scratch your head pondering who would pair several pairs of leg warmers with Candies slides or jelly shoes?  Ponder no more, it was (sadly) me.  Ever want to find the person who wore those full flirty mini skirts with leggings so you could shake her until her teeth rattled?  Look no further. 

I’d slather on the white-lightpink lipstick and draw heavy dark lines around my eyes (especially the inner lower lid–nothing can really make an eye look smaller or more beady and demonic, but hey!  I thought I looked great.).  Then I’d shake out my brand new perm (this was mid-’80’s and post-feathered hair), scrunch it, dry it, tease it to within an inch of its life, and then protected the mile high thing from gravity by spraying it with half a can (yes, a CAN) of Aquanet.  Then I’d wriggle my way into a stretch military style dress with hot pink stripes down each sleeve and side.  And I was breathtaking (yeah, that’s inarguable, but not in the good way).  What the heck were we all thinking?  But then the ’80’s turned into the late ’80’s/early ’90’s, and we thought the madness had finally stopped.

Sure, fashion is about taking the old and making it fresh, new, and fierce.  I just don’t think there’s any way to make those ’80’s styles anything other than what they are:  hideous, unflattering disasters.  The one saving grace these days is that leggings are being worn under longer skirts or tunic shirts and without (praise all that is holy) leg warmers.  So far.  But then the “fresh, new, and fierce” is currently manifested in the shoe-boot clunky heeled nightmare of this fall.

I’m 40 now, so I’m officially old enough to just say no to fashion’s more misdirected fads, so there will be no “Audrey Hepburn skinny black pants” or leggings in my closet this time around, and should the fashion powers that be decide to resurrect the zip legged jean or the shoulder pad, you won’t find any of those in there, either.  Well, unless there are still some stuck back in there behind my box of Rubik’s cubes, roller skates, and cabbage patch dolls.


8 thoughts on “Jelly Shoes, Big Hair, and Body on Tap Shampoo

  1. Hei Fuzz.

    BRILLIANT blog!! <<>> @ your descriptions of the grand style that was the 80’s! Sooo true. I will give this one a miss as well. Take care. Nitey Nite. =)

  2. Ohhh my I was one of those where your hair permed, big, teased, and freezed girls. I did not wear all the clothes because my mom bought my clothes and she did not care about fashion. I certainly hope that the big hair stays out for a while. My hair is not long enought to get the proper look (haha). I can’t stand wearing a lot of hair spray now. I would not be able to go back to the big hair day.

  3. If I remember right, that was way back when “name brands” were starting to make a statement and everyone had to have a pair of nikes. Our parents thought 30 bucks was just tooooo much. Painter pants in 50 million colors like purple and bubblegum pink. My eye shadow was blue and green. At the time, I thought I was something else but heaven forbid anyone come up with some crap like that now, I would think they were bonkers. Good post Fuzzy!

  4. I for got about my painters pants. Those were the most comfortable part of the 80’s. I got my first pair of designer jeans, Gloria Vanderbuilt. I think that bitch started the make the size smaller thing. where an 8 was really a six, so i always felt like I was getting fatter and fatter. but i wasnt gaining anything. I was just trying to wear my size in designer wear. NO more for me. I had perms for the whole 10 years of the 80’s. I had some really bad ones, some way too tight ones, then I just finally let them grow out. And yes, my makeup was blue and green. I was way too cute, or so i thought. I also had a pair of wrap around shorts that satayed on by being tied in the back and then in the front. I wouldnt even get close to something like that now. waht were we thinking.

  5. I would love to see a photo of you back in the eighties! I was in my own athletic world and I pretty much missed any of the real social scene that existed. In the 90s, I took on a very “country” dress including a hair doo I still wonder about. We all have decades we may want to forget about, but it is all good!

  6. OMG, you guys, I forgot about painter’s pants!! And I’m with you, Bert, none of that hard, stiff hairspray for me, either!

    I’ve got some pics around here somewhere, Gregg, if I work out how to get them on the computer (this may take a while!), I’ll put them in my Ms. Unphotogenic album, and we can all have a good laugh. I’ve got one in mind in which I have Rosanne Rosanna Danna hair that’s so big it’s actually touching the heads of my friends in the pic!!

  7. Well I must say you don’t look 40 girl. You must have had an easy paperround!

    I loved the jelly shoes and I even had a jelly bag. Did you get them over in the US? Wearing leggings seems to be back in over here with long dresses/tops. Not sure that I could get away with wearing leggings now mind. Have to get back to that gym that reminds me. Well maybe the pool at least. x

  8. You are too kind, Snuggles, really!! I think I must have good genes (or the pics were taken in bad lighting, but I’ll never tell!). :))

    I’m sure you’d look fab in the new styles, though!! Wish I could get away with some of them as they are so cute, but I don’t want to be one of those pathetic types who dresses 20 years her junior. 😦

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