Infidelity: To Know or Not to Know

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I’ve long suspected that married and unmarried people have somewhat different views on cheating: I personally have a “zero tolerance” policy, but most of my married friends (who aren’t Amber) seem to be more . . . flexible, more willing to consider circumstances, understand that there may be enough blame to go around, and on and on. Personally, I’m not one to compromise on something this important to me.

Now don’t get the wrong idea, I’m not sitting around imagining my spouse cheating before I’ve even met the lucky man . . . it’s much more fun to imagine other things we’d do together (and I mean things like late night talks, dinner, sharing, traveling, so get your minds out of the gutter!).

Then not too long ago I stumbled across a four variable personality test to see which Buffy character I’m most like. Yeppers, pathetic. That’s me. Anyway, I took this test (and let me just warn you that it is LONG, pack a lunch if you plan to take it), and found out who I most resemble personality-wise (and no, I’m not saying, though I may whisper it in Tally’s ear).

One of the questions got me thinking about this cheating question, wondering about marrieds and singles and how they view it, if a previous divorce makes a difference in one’s view . . . you know, just generally curious. We’ve all seen Kathy Lee Gifford go through it and stand by her man; ditto Senator Clinton, and it looks painful and awful to stay. But then we’ve seen marriages crumble because of infidelity, and it looks painful and awful to divorce.

Okay, so here’s the “big” question for the day:

Your spouse has been cheating on you. If you never find out, you will enjoy a lengthy marriage in your ignorant bliss. If you find out, you will go through a painful divorce. You would rather…

A. Know

B. Not Know

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29 thoughts on “Infidelity: To Know or Not to Know

  1. It does not matter whether you choose “A” or “B” because deep down inside you WILL know.

    Marriage IS Fidelity….people may cheat on their spouses and when that happens they are married in name only…it does not matter how much ‘forgiveness’ is passed around. The marriage now has a scar and will never be the same.

    On a more positive note…scar tissue is stronger than normal tissue…so sometimes, if the two people both work together, a new marriage relationship can grow and flourish.

    Marriage is between two people, and should only be ended by those two people and not by what others say or think.
    None of us know what we will do in a certain situation until it actually happens to us.

    I apologize for writing so much. Thank you for an interesting blog.

  2. Gosh, don’t apologize!! Write as much as you like, Rainy. And this is just beautiful . . . but you are so poetic and sweet it seems natural you’d think this way. I love how you lead into scar tissue being stronger than regular tissue . . . so true. And yes, I agree, too that no one can know what someone else should do, even when asked, it’s so difficult to respond on this topic because as you say, things are different for everyone. In various situations and about various problems or life hurdles, I might ask a lot of people for advice, but at the end of the day, it’s my life, my decision. Same goes with infidelity. You’re so wise!! Huggs.

  3. A simple question that can’t be answered simply. After all is said and done and the result of the union decays, 5 years down the road or 5 minutes.. I don’t want to know. Nor do I want to live a lie. There are enough strains on marriages as it is. When one considers the multitudes of issues that any couple can encounter… drug addiction, gambling, mental and physical abuses, poverty, disease, and any other of a multitude of life-altering type events. If the two individuals are equally committed to one another and trust in each other, they will make it regardless of what they encounter including infidelity. Romantic love does not last but it is said consummate love endures. Even the consummate may wane to companionate love after many years when passion fades. Then it is also possible that the two are able to rekindle the flame that originally drove them to marriage; to become once again consummate.

  4. I know what i said in the tag relating to taht question. I couldnt cheat even if I wanted to. if I ever found out John was or ever had cheated on me i would pack my bags and get the hell out. I wouldnt fight him or fight for him. I just think fidelity is a rule of marriage that cannot be broken. I would rather know than let him continue to cheat on me.

  5. I think you all are right. I have a proverbial friend (honest) whose marriage was going down hill little by little for roughly 20 years (that’s after the first 10). He comes to me with tears saying how awful his and her lifes are. Every time he drives home he stops at the end of the street for awhile not wanting to go home and face another minute in what has become quite the farce.
    He hates it she hates it. I don’t know all her views so I can only speak from one viewpoint. Marriage counciling occurs but soon turns sour. There is a thing the counselor talks about being in a safe place for both of them to be able to talk about how they feel. But in practice as soon as the session is over and they’re out the door life turns to hell for probably both of them. He refered to that type counciling as Psycho Babble, which is something that sounds good in the text book but doesn’t work in real life, or at least his. After a couple years it turns into a counciling session for him. He said he realized that there were a lot of bad potatoes in his closet and it was stinking up his life. (I’m paraphrasig). Four more years go by none of it very happy, his wife convinces(?) him he should stop going because it was costing too much and things were tight. I suggeted he might have been wiser to have continued but he hates confrontation.
    He’d like a divorce but has always been brought up that that is not an option and he cannot go through with it. Anger tinted his view of his wife so I won’t go in to all that is said there. But the end was that they were now in a truce of sorts (?) in which there is no contact at ALL. Do I make myself clear.
    As you might have anticipated there is an affair that he has with a woman he says is in much the same situation. The affair lasts for awhile but breaks up because neither feels they can continue and niether will divoce their spouse. It is the worst emotional struggle I have ever seen my friend endure. Later he talks of suicide but is much too practical in not wanting to leave a scene like that for his kids. He hopes to this day that either he or his wife should hurry up and die so that at least one of them has a chance at happiness. He is constantly dreaming of the other woman who has long since been out of the picture. He’ll carry that scar for life I think.
    Now in your wise choice of knowing or not, what is best for these two. They are living a truce on what I would call congeniality towards each other. Usually no fights but no closeness either. Just acouple of miserable people for the rest of their lives. Personally it would scare me to death to live out my life and end up a miserable old man. Nothing any better for her either I suspect. What value would knowing be now? Comments please.

    By the way I’m not going to say anything. If he hadn’t told me I wouldn’t have known. I think my glasses are rose colored. A similar thing happened 30 years ago to another couple I knew. Some one had to sit me down and tell me to wake up with the facts. I still have a hard time believing it today. Fortunately their lives have both worked out for the better but I doubt that is a norm. They were both my close friends, I was very uncomfortable when around them both while it occured. ps on the second couple the woman was the one to have the affair. If that makes any difference to anyone.
    Sorry Fuz for taking up so much room. Your opportunity to ax my writting out.. 🙂

  6. Aargh, Fuzzy, what a question to ask me at 7am. That is s hard.
    All my life I’ve also held a zero tolerance view to it, and always imagined that when I married I’d feel the same.
    But over recent years I’ve watched my friends marry and have families, and maybe I’ve been swayed just a little. Infidelity is a horrible and shocking betrayal of trust, but in the long term, is it something that I’d want to split up my family over? I don’t know any more. I think….possibly…that I’d give one more chance, but it really would only be one, I believe everyone deserves a second chance. But part of me also knows that the trust would be gone, that I’d be angry and remain so for a very long time, that I rpobably wouldn’t want to even touch or be too near my partner for a very long time to come, and in the end that would be as destructive as the cheating itself, I think,
    I’d be furious. And hurt. And honestly, I think people (mostly, I’m not talking about serial cheaters who just can’t keep it in their pants) who are otherwise loyal and trustworthy only cheat if something is lacking in their relationship. And whatever it was, I’d rather they came and talked to me about it first so that we could try and work on. If all else fails, and the spark or whatever it is has just gone, I’d rather m partner came out and told me than felt he had to go behind my back.
    Of course, there is always the chance I would discover this betrayal while suffering PMS, in which case I would most likely castrate him and leave him beleeding in the front garden, surrounded by binbags full of his clothes.
    😛

  7. Huh, I didn’t even answe the question, did I? Well, while little miss let’s-not-have-confrontation inside me is saying I wouldn’t want to know, In actual, fact I would of course, ignorance might be bliss but finding out years later would be worse.

  8. Ok, If my husband cheated on me . My first response would be get the hell out. But because there is more than just us to consider (son). I would try to work on the marriage and the trust issue. I think cheating is a symptom of a bigger problem. So I think I would try to find out why our marriage took this path. Now he would also have to be putting in a great deal of time and energy into fixing the problem. If I did not see some sort of effort and deep regret on his part. I would consider divorce. But I do think i would make every effort to save the marriage if it was worth saving. Now I can tell you if he cheated a second time his ass would be out . But I am a firm believer that everyone deserves a second chance. I would hope that if i should stray and he found out he would also try to save the marriage.

  9. You build love with pains and then if one tries infidelity then it will break them into pieces. And trying to rebuild again is not an easy task. When you are committed to marriage, you should be committed, if not then one shouldn’t marry. I will stay loyal to the end, if I can’t stay loyal, I will leave rather than hurt her.

  10. Oh Fuzzy…
    I’ve lived the answer to your question. Really, I have.
    For the first seven years of my marriage, I had NO idea I was married to a serial cheater. I was happy, I was also blissfully unaware of what he was doing but everyone, including my best friend of 13 years knew what he was up to. Long story short, she, this ‘best friend’, was the last one in a long, long line of females that I caught him with. Double betrayal… all on my 30th birthday if you can believe it… Anyhow, in the aftermath of all this deception, the realization of who knew including his family, nearly all our friends, his workmates surfaced to the light of day, and I was extremely angry and embarrassed… Angry because NO ONE would step up to the plate and let me know what a trusting, naive idiot I had been, and embarrassed because in all other matters I consider myself to be intelligent enough to see the wool being pulled over my eyes but in this case I was blind, blinded by love, I guess. For the sake of the kids and family values I tried to hold the marriage together, but in the end it all came crumbling down, more not as a result of what he continued to do {because he did stop when I found out} but how the trust on so many levels had become irreparably destroyed. It’s hard to bear humiliation on such a grand scale as this and not be marked by it, trust me. The whole experience repeated itself with my last relationship too {he didn’t end his previous relationship and just carried on, which was easy for him to do as there was 500 km between us}, so either I’m a user magnet or just hopelessly developmentally-challenged in this particular area.

    Yes, it’s better to know than not know.

  11. Yup, to Know me so well, BBB. I couldn’t be dealing with any cheating at all, none what so ever. So many answer is: A. Know!

    Marriage is built on trust and cheating breaks that trust, flirting breaks that trust. I know all too well how easy it is to cheat. Not in my marriage but relationships prior! There is no going back for me or making allowances for cheaters. Infidelity comes in many forms and my husband is well aware which ones they are and vice versa!

    Kathy Lee….NO…I had no idea…I think that woman is great! aww..who would hurt Kathy Lee! I didn’t know about this.

    As for Senator Clinton…while I do not want the woman in the White House, it must take the strength of an ox to go through what she did in the public eye and stand by her man! I think she took the Tammy Wynette song way to seriously! I suppose it would have been harder for her to get into politics is she had divorced the present. After all he depends on her husbands name and image for her own career…Oops..I think I have gotten off track track here..this is not a HC bashing post! LMAO!

    I must start watching some of this Buffy show and see what I am missing. I think it is on Sky over here.

    Hugs BBB, hopefully we can hook up this week, I took the rest of the week off work. Get on messenger woman!

  12. I would want to know and have been through this. I don’t want to live a life based on a lie and fall along the same lines as Gloria in her thinking. The family and friends who would treat you differently would be too big a price to pay for rosie colored glasses just to keep a man.

  13. Just a trip back through.. The references to Kathy Lee and Hillary are the standards that society should strive to attain. In truth, if they weren’t on such high profile these would have ended in divorce as do most marriages of today when infidelity is encountered. My Mother passed away this year and my Father griefed for many months and at the approach of the Holidays found a friend to share them with. I mention this, because I can remember the moments that my Mother was horrid toward him though no infidelity has ever occurred. They come from a time when for better or worse meant something. The new friend of my Father’s said something this past Holiday that also passed the same sentiments to me. After 54 years of marriage she talked of a hair color change that she had done in addition to losing 40 pounds.. “As if he would have noticed” was the reference. She participated in a lengthy marriage where love was lost yet remained to honor the committment. They are of the old school. With the advent of equal rights movements and all the public information exchanges, our educated standard now say … “get out”.. Break your promise on a single frame and wish them foul luck in our breath.

  14. My post is not about serial cheaters. Let’s make that clear. It is a subject that I respond to often because it is very personal to me.
    People change in a marriage. Time goes on and sometimes we live different lives and are influenced by different values either from work or friends. If you take the steps to solve the problem and nothing happens, there is only so much discipline that you can maintain. Everyone’s mind and body have needs and there is a breaking point between being a happy individual over the long term or a sad, lonley one.

    On the question of would you want to know, there was a time in my marriage when I wished my wife actually did go out and have an affair becasue clealy she didn’t want to share that intimacy with me, but it wasn’t healthy for her not to share it with someone.

    Now for my thrice heard quote on 360…For those that challenge a mate’s fidelity, all I can say is that you had better be delivering the goods, both physically and mentally at home or your challenge isn’t worth the distance your voice travels.

  15. My first impulse is to applaud you all from the bottom of my heart for your unflinching honesty and (to my mind) bravery at being so open and candid. Wow. You all take my breath away. I don’t know how to respond individually, but I’m going to try.

    River, I get your drift, but I do wonder how committed someone can be if they break that basic, foundational trust by turning to another woman (or man, if it’s the woman cheating). I like the hope and the forgiveness in your response, and while I aspire to be that good, I don’t think I am.

    Spartonmom, your tag answer was a joke and was taken as such; I think I even giggled conspiratorily when I read it. I can’t wait to meet you and Amber in person and have a good old laugh at some of this stuff we talk about. :))

    Heyman, what you describe is beyond my comprehension. Perhaps because I have not yet married and have therefore lived most of the past twenty years alone, I just cannot understand the need to stay in a hellish situation. I don’t need anyone that badly, and I don’t put anyone’s bs before my own bs!! LOL As to “staying for the children” that’s just a crock; not too many shrinks or children IN these situations will advise staying together. It’s bad for EVERYONE, the kids included. If the marriage can’t back on track, end it. Dreaming of death is sad, beyond sad. I don’t understand staying in that situation, I really really don’t. The infidelity doesn’t even matter at that point; I’d have been long gone. Also, as a child of divorce, I know from THAT side that the split up of parents who hate each other is MUCH better for the kid/s. Kids know when things are awful, and it’s not by telepathy. No matter how hard people try to hide their feelings, they come out if you are together all the time. No one can act 24/7. That said, staying for the kids makes sense IF the marriage can be rebuilt, the family can find joy and love again. My two cents, not worth the ether it’s typed on.

    Whatever you do is golden to me, Tally, but I do see the variables and your point. I would definitely want to know; living that lie would be worse, to me, than the actual infidelity!! Also, not being told that there is a problem serious enough to “warrant” infidelity would be such a huge betrayal . . . well, I just don’t think I’d stick around. But as you say, as long as it’s not Mr. Who Can Play Hide the Sausage with This Week, maybe it’s worth a try. For you. I couldn’t.

    Hey Bert, wow, maybe I was responding to your comments when I wrote about the kids thing. See what happens when I read all the comments before responding? They get all jumbled in my head. Scroll up, Sweetie, I said some stuff that applies to your comments. :))

    Good for you, Chris; I feel the same way. No power on earth can FORCE me to have an affair (er, not rape, obviously!), and I don’t care what else is going on, I just wouldn’t do it. I’d talk to him, try so hard to work it out, but if that didn’t work, I’d have to leave. Do I “believe in” or advocate divorce? NO. But I would not stay with a man who physically abused me, and to me, infidelity is a form of emotional and psychological abuse. And to all of us who have been cheated on, it IS physical. You FEEL it, it makes you sick. So I would not tolerate it, and I would not do it.

  16. Gloria, how awful!! I want to hug you to pieces right now. You are so strong and brave and amazing; I think about how funny and sweet you are and what you’ve been through and my mind boggles. You’re a hero to me! Your friends SUCK. I know people aren’t supposed to tell, but that’s just crap to me. If I found out my friends knew and didn’t tell me? They would not be my friends in my mind, that’s not how you treat friends. Of course, I have very few people that I call “friend”; that’s a big deal to me, means a lot. Anyway, maybe some people don’t want to know, but I would, and anyone who knew and didn’t tell me? Ugh. But I repeat myself. As to the “friend” who actually slept with him? Both, out the door. I am not one of those women who get mad at the other woman, they usually don’t even know the scumbag is married, but in this case!! Arg.

    Amber, whatizface Kathy Lee’s hubby whatever Gifford was videotaped boinking some hooker (or just a skeeze, hard to recall) in a hotel room. Lovely. She forgave him; strong faith in God behind that one. Hillary, who knows her true motives, but staying sure didn’t hurt her political career.

    Here, hear Pris!!

    Thanks, River, for sharing all that! Wow. Huggs to you.

    Gregg, what can I say? I just don’t agree that there is ever a “reason” to cheat; if BOTH parties agree to it, then that is called an “open marriage” and is totally fine. People have the right to make their marriage whatever they want it to be and to revise the “rules” times and circumstances change, but it has to be BOTH of them, not just one; otherwise, it’s not a marriage, it’s two people doing whatever they want with no regard for their spouse.

    Again, thank you all SO much for your comments. I’m blown away and wish I could hug you all.

  17. having gone through this ordeal with my first marriage, i’d have to say i’d rather not know. although, that being said, i’m glad, ultimately, that i did divorce my first husband because he was giant a**. i suppose it would depend on how the relationship was going. if things were bad, as they were with my first husband, then maybe i would want to know so i would feel justified to end the marriage. but if i thought things were good and we still had a loving relationship, then i don’t think i’d want to risk it by knowing.

  18. Hey Fuzzy,

    Wow another thought provoking blog from my favourite 360 blogger.

    Well I must say that I cheated on my first boyfriend quite earlier on in the relationship but it was only by kissing another guy nothing more serious than that (some might say that is serious)anyway he found out. He ended the relationship but we got back together a couple of weeks later and had a wonderful eight and a half happy years together. I got given a second chance and I am so glad that he gave me that chance else I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. However, saying that he wasn’t giving me the attention I needed in the realtionship and I wanted to go somewhere else to get that attention. I am not saying that what I did was right and I hated myself for doing it so can’t imagine how these people feel who sleep with other people whilst being married and I think that if that happened to me then I would want to know. I don’t like to think that I would take that person back, but this seems a bit hypecritical since teh story I have told you above, but who knows unless you are in that situation what you would do and I had a second chance so why shouldn’t I give it to the next guy so to speak.

    My friend (the one I liked from work) is married and they only stayed together for the kids for the last six years so he tells me and ok the kids were upset when the split happened but they seems to enjoy spending time seperatley at Dads and Mums now, so who’s to say they shouldn’t have just split up six years ago. He hasn’t received any affection from his wife in those six years and they have both been unhappy all that time with his wife wanting him to leave and him only wanting some affection from her. He had cheated on his wife in those six years with an ex employee. I can understand why he cheated to get some affection that was missing from his wife but it doesn’t make it right and the problem at home should have been sorted if that was the way he wanted to go.

    So hopefully I have answered the question in the fact that yes I would want to know. But I think like Rainy Day says that you know if something is wrong in a relationship even if you don’t want to admit it. Thanks again and hugs to you. x

  19. Hmmm , I must respond. I understand that you should not stay in a marriage for the kids. But I also think you should be sure the marriage is not worth saving. When you have children you have made a choice to take that childs needs into consideration with every decision you make. I am not saying that you should stay with the marriage if it is not salvagable. I am saying don’t make rash decisions and take time to avaluate the situation. I infedelity is different for everyone. I do not think it is a cut and dry issue. I know many couples who have gone through this and hace come out on the other side and are still together and happpy. It was like they needed this to happen in order to wake up and try and get some help. I also know friends who did not stay together. I like to think I would try to work it out with my spouse.
    Oh i have so many thoughts on this issue. I think I will stop while I can.

  20. Hi Kerry, and again, welcome!! :)) I’m so sorry to hear that this is yet another blog of mine that shoots straight through your heart (okay, do you have that song in your head now? lol), but really, I so admire your strength for having gone through something like that. And thanks so much for your comments. Huggs

    Snuggles, my girl, kissing some boy when you’re what, likely still a teenager, and with your first boyfriend . . . I’m not sure that qualifies as “cheating” so much as being young and making the usual mistakes! I know people say “once a cheat, always a cheat,” but I don’t think that applies to the crazy things we do when we’re young and then learn from it, never to do it again. But I did get cheated on as a teen (late teens, like 19 or so), and I ended it. But that wasn’t some innocent little kiss, either. Well, I guess I’m just saying don’t beat yourself up over that one, K? You made a mistake, we’ve all made those!! And I’ve heard the sob story about “oh, my wife doesn’t understand me, she never touches me . . . “. Take it with a grain of salt. There may be a reason she doesn’t show him affection (I’m guessing this is a euphemism for sex), and it’s really between those two until they divorce. But it sounds like he’s moved out and heading toward divorce, so maybe he’s not just . . . well, saying stuff to get stuff. It happens. Tread cautiously with that one, my friend! And yes, they say infidelity is a sign of other things wrong with the marriage, and I think that’s moronic. If something is wrong with the marriage, why bring in a THIRD party, betray whatever’s left of your marriage, and . . . ugh. It just seems a silly way to “cope” with problems. Huggs. And so many thanks for being so open and honest!

    Heya Bert! Wow, thanks for stopping back by to comment again; I think this might very well be a first! Yay!! Oh, I think you are so right, we are definitely seeing that for some people it’s a complex issue. But we are also seeing that for others, it is pretty cut and dried. And I guess that’s okay; everyone is different, and this is about our own personal boundaries, after all. There is no “right” answer here, just what is right for each of us. And I do agree, as I said above, if the marriage CAN be saved and restored, then it should be. Huggs (and do NOT worry about the typos, that’s another thing we ALL do!! :))

  21. oops, I should have qualified that, if there are children involved, it’s not a pattern of behavior, AND both parties want the marriage saved, it should be. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to continue with anyone who so badly betrayed me, but that’s just me.

  22. Really enjoyed reading everyone’s comments here. Meaty subject and 360 gives just enough anonymity for folks to feel free to express themselves. You create a wonderful circle for folks Fuzzy.

    I’ll only add one thing, and it’s regarding the ‘heyman’s’ comments about his tortured friend/friends. Staying inside a relationship wishing someone would die is a dangerous place to exist. A divorce is a far better, kinder and more rational act than wishing someone dead. He mentioned the friend having thoughts of suicide/death, etc. If it was my friend, I would suggest that he get the gotchas to get a divorce immediately before the whole thing became really ugly and tragic. Just me. Warning signs all over that one!

    As for me, I would want to know. I’m a germ-o-phobe…LOL. Ewwww.

  23. Hey Gaby, and welcome!! Thank you so much for your kind words about my blog; that’s so sweet. I honestly think that it’s the wonderful circle of folks that make this special; I’m ancillary, really. But thanks! Makes me happy to hear that. I’m so with you on Heyman’s poor friend’s sitch; cheating is the least of that guy’s problems! Huggs, and do come back again; it’s great to hear from you. (and not just the compliments, either. LOL)

  24. This is a difficult one to answer!! It can only be answered if a person has experienced it. It’s often impossible to say how we will react to a given situation until we are in it. We say we would react in a certain way, and then find when the situation arises, we react totally differently and surprise ourselves (this is a general obsevation, not particularly about this subject). As far as I am concerned, I have always believed in being faithful when in a relationship, be it marriage or not. I expect that my partner would have the same degree of loyalty and love. I know I would feel betrayed, but in all honesty I can’t say with absolute certainty how I woud react. I have, however, been faced with finding out AFTER the fact that I was betrayed. My marriage ended 10 years ago, it was not because of infidelity. I discovered last year, quite by accident, that during the last two years of my marriage, my wife had been having an affair with a good friend of mine. After so much separation time it had no effect on me, other than to make me laugh at my own blindness.

  25. I’m a cheat magnet, so I know exactly how I react; what I don’t know, I guess, is how I would react if I were married to the cheating . . . I suspect much the same, no reason to think otherwise; I’m certainly past it when it comes to having children, so that wouldn’t figure into the equation. So, it’s goodbye to the cheat, and hello again to being single. I’m far rather be on my own than with someone telling me daily lies and betraying my trust and love on a continued (or even a once off) basis. There are just some things people do know; I from experiencing it. I’ve not once regretted ending either long or short term relationships based on unfaithfulness, and I can’t imagine I would suddenly have second thoughts about it.

    Sorry to hear about your wife, now ex, but it sounds like you are dealing just fine. Which makes sense given the time that’s passed, I guess. I’ve found out later that I’ve been cheated on or in one case that the cheating was far more than I’d thought, but like you say, it’s not really a problem when it’s so far gone. Thanks for your comments.

  26. I found this in there whilst checking out some blogs I missed and now I have to answer *grin*
    if you don’t know it can’t hurt you..so of course most would logically choose not know cos then you could go on in ignorant bliss…however if you DID know then the marriage wouldn’t be bliss would it unless you kind of agree that its ok
    Why does the divorce have to be messy and lengthy – can’t I just kick his ass to the curb and be done with it?
    Cheating….what is it? Might be a good blog topic….I mean is cheating just getting into bed with another body? Are you cheating if you think about sex with another person? What about internet (whooo-ooo) sex – with or without cam – is THAT really sex anyway cos you are doing it all by yourself anyway just with someone else privy to the act…voyeurism…and what about if you go out to dinner with another person that isn’t your partner yet you dont have sex with them?
    Then there’s the simple fact of just fancying another person..is THAT cheating?
    Now if I found out that my other half had sex with someone else…hmmm..dunno yet cos if I still loved him then I might be able to forgive him for a one off – after all we are all human, but were he to be in a continuing relationship I think that would be cheating because so much thought would be going into the lies and deception.

    I STILL think what you don’t know can’t hurt you and that monogamy is a really hard thing…damn there are some hot men out there…LOL…I just don’t know where to find them L5. The other thing Fuzz…is this… you have to take into consideration the nature of your OWN relationship because if one is getting what one needs at home then there is no reason to go anywhere else at all and people tend to forget this fact…so if a partner cheats they are either doing the wrong thing or there is a problem in the relationship in the first place (in which case it would bebest to know so that you can have the opportunity to fix it if you want)
    hmmm enough ramblings….I guess the bottom line is I dont really know LOL

What say you?

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