I was just reading through some more of Jay Leno’s “Headlines,” and realized that anyone running for President in ’08 need only read the paper to find the key issues facing America and to gauge our country’s position on them before taking their own. So just what ARE the issues in our country? . . .
Most people might agree that Iraq is a cause for concern, and many people argue that this war is really a continuation of the First Gulf War
. . . um, a war over pastries, perhaps?
Another key issue is the dreaded crimes against . . . hats.
Yes, many hats are being ill-treated, abused, even beaten and stomped on. Thank goodness our government is on top of this issue. (I almost said “on tophat of this issue” but . . . too obvious, right?)
We are also rather proud of our Space Program in this country, so maybe someone running for the top office will be interested in further funding?
Maybe the first order of business should be more sophisticated equipment for our astronauts? Maybe some earplugs to free their hands during those tricky launch drills?
Of course one of the primary issues facing our country today is terrorism; we need a plan to find and neutralize all terrorists:
Let’s begin at the dog pound! Hmmmm. . . . did I say neutralize? Maybe in this case I should say “neuter”?
Health care. Now this is a very serious issue, and anyone wishing to win that seat in the Oval Office will want to have a clear plan for improving the state of health care in this country:
Quick. Simple. Relatively inexpensive. Might work.
Another option is to consider holistic and natural health cures:
I’ll just leave that alone.
In addition to health care, the role of marriage is being defined and discussed at great length:
And some people think same sex marriage is a problem?
The economy. Like health care, this is a constant issue, and no candidate can get elected without a plan. Maybe boosting the sinking real estate market is one step in the right direction?
We need a strong foundation for our economy, no?
Certainly, it’s time to get economists and the business-minded on board:
Maybe this journalist could get a job on some sort of finance committee?
Maybe it’s just time to raise the stakes across the board?:
Personal investment, now that can get people focused.
And finally, crime. We need someone at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue who will be tough on the sophisticated and high tech criminals that threaten our safety:
Or perhaps we can get our citizens to perform as quickly and intelligently as this fast food worker?
Each of these ads and newspaper articles is a testament to the state of education in the U. S. of A., so hopefully whomever we elect in ’08 will have some kind of a plan to address this key issue.
I just found the first ad funny; the only comments I came up with may have offended someone. Or everyone. Write your own for that one!