Jay Leno's Headlines: Stuff and Randomness

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I’ve been feeling rather giddy lately, can’t really explain it, but it’s such a good happy feeling that I decided not to blog about any of the serious topics that came to mind and instead to take a look at some more of Leno’s Headlines. Rather than having a theme such as education or politics as I have in the past, this is sort of a grab bag of rollicking fun.

Now, it just wouldn’t be a headline blog without some mention of politics, right? So let’s take a moment to remember the 2000 election: hanging chads, confusing ballots, “stolen” elections, miscounts, and on and on . . . . Identifying as “from” Florida, I was rather embarrassed by all the hoopla, so it would be nice to see Florida step up in national politics:

But, um . . . maybe not anytime soon . . .

The paparazzi and politics . . . good bedfellows?

Or bad website (upherpoliticianwiferedskirt.com)?

But at least Democrats are good winners, right?

Okay, so that was my little peek at politics. Now I’m off to look at some pictures that just don’t quite go with the text . . .

Woof!

What the . . . ?

Only twenty bucks a month and I can look like that, too? Sign me up! I know most people manage this look for free, but hey . . . .

Let’s take a look at crime and punishment . . .

A $10K reward?

Okay, he’s a baddy; dunno what he did, but it couldn’t have been good.

But a $3.50 reward?

Huh? What did he do to warrant such a pathetic reward? Is he the infamous jaywalker of Clark Street? Perhaps he drove too slowly in the passing lane . . . no, wait, that’s an offense punishable by death. Or it should be.

Okay, one more politician . . . this one is putting his foot in his mouth (big surprise):

Okay, maybe not his foot. Ugh.

At some point the police really need to tell people to stop calling them; someone conned this woman out of her bag of dog feces, so she reports it to the police . . . who then go digging around looking for the “stolen goods.” Sigh.

Yep, that’s our tax dollars at work.

Or maybe it wasn’t . . . let’s ask this guy:

Thunk.

A business opportunity for the location, location, location-minded entrepreneur?

The pot lot may provide a nice income for the buyer, certainly a good view.

And for the . . . less cerebrally active:

Why save money SOON when you can spend more NOW?

We’ve all seen and taken part in polls of some kind, but just what do you do with something like this?

Why would anyone even bother “answering”? Bizarre.

I’m guessing this is an ad at a retirement home, but come on! Because someone ages doesn’t mean their temporal concept goes out the window . . . or does it? Is a “night” suddenly an hour and a half? Is that why the years are flying by these days, and soon, an hour will be a night, another hour a day . . . Yikes!

I never claimed to be good at math, but I’m thinking this isn’t such a great paying job:

Buying the newspaper to bring in the ad probably cost a day and a half’s pay . . . and if you’re a senior, that’s a whole night thrown away, with not even a saucy tango to make it worthwhile.

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Okay, the first ad is in terrible taste. But it IS kind of funny. In a dark, sick way.

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19 thoughts on “Jay Leno's Headlines: Stuff and Randomness

  1. lmao…thank you Fuzzy. These have just brightened up my day no end, I had insomnia last night, 2 hours sleep does not a happy Tally maketh 😐
    Glad you’re feeling happy, always a good way to be 😀

  2. I agree it is a great set of clippings, one topping another, funny, funny 🙂 Cool, we need a regular of this in the future also. Hilarious. Cheers 🙂

  3. OK, this is your job. Once a week to post these. I look forwARD TO THEM. really I do. They are so funny. I cant stay awake to watch them on Leno, so i look forward to them here.

  4. Hehehehe….Loved the clippings Fuzzy.And I am glad that you are feeling very happy these days.take care and thank you for this laugh:)

  5. Hei Fuzz.

    Love the woman, man, police and poo!! HILARIOUS.
    All are really good but that one is winner for me anyway.
    Take care and do keep well.
    HuGGiz from Ikkle Finn Rii xx – nearly solid ice in this nigh -30*C!! BRRRRRRR…..

  6. LOL Fuzzzzzzzz… Bet you were feeling giddy ’cause you read these blurbs first !!!
    Priceless … especially the undeveloped lake with lots of pot… ROTFLOLLLLLLLLL.. Oh, and I’d be glad to dance the night away for an hour and a half!!!

    Your little sidebar comments are the cherries on the top!! Heeheeheeeeeee!!! @@ appreciative G. xo

  7. OMG – That was great…just what I needed – been too serious all day. Loved them all, but “Buy Now Before Price Is Reduced” really put me on the floor. LOL Thanks Fuzzy!

  8. Good stuff Fuzzy. The fat people’s gym ad was funny.

    Interestingly, they are smiling too…even before they tried the gym or lost an ounce of that blubber.

  9. That one about eating ‘corn on the cob’ vertically or horizontally is a real poser!! LOL. Does one walk up the wall to eat it? Or just stay in bed? LOL. Some good funnies there.

  10. DL-ie. died laughing
    How does one eat corn on the cob vertically???? Igrew up in the mid west and eatten corn many times but have never seen anyone eat vertically??????

  11. OK, you made me laugh so damned hard, I woke the dog up from his nap. And he was sleeping so hard, he was dreaming!! Thanks, girl!! Now he’s growling at me!

  12. Thanks, Gang! I’m so happy that I can make you guys laugh . . . or at least smile (or Doc chuckle here and there). Mitch, go check out Heyman’s page, he’s found the perfect vertical corn eating pic! And I dunno about weekly, Claudia, but I love doing these, so I’ll be doing them for a while.

    Thanks again, Everyone. Huggs to each of you!!

  13. Thanks for the laugh today. I especially like the “Dance the Night Away” and your comment. :0)
    The clip about the lady with the dog poo reminds me of a police log at a college. Have you ever read any of them? They can be really funny.

  14. Oh, yes, those are a hoot, Nancy! I love how they’re usually about someone leaving their stuff in the library and then being shocked that it’s gone or about being drunk and/or disorderly, as in So and so spotted two men believed to be students dragging a third man into a car, police were called, but two of the men were intoxicated and being driven home by their designated driver. :)) Sigh.

  15. I love the one for the health club, like we are going to join after that! I also liked the one about the corn on the cob, but that survey doesn’t surprse me.

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