Jay Leno's Headlines: Because Lisa Likes Them (and So Do I)


As you all know, I’m interested in the declining state of education in this country, and most of these Leno’s Headlines reflect the horrors that are happening to and within our education system; now I’m not saying that we never had typos, illogical advertising, or downright silliness, I’m just saying, we better enjoy it now, while we can still spot the problem in these samples. A few more generations, and we may not see anything wrong at all. I mean if you see this stuff everywhere, hear it constantly, doesn’t it at some point look and sound “right”? Sigh.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t know about cars. I don’t care about cars. Cars do not interest me as long as they do what they’re supposed to do, which is run. But even I know that the more miles a car has, the worse condition it’s likely to be in. Or not? Look at this beauty”

All those miles! And they don’t seem to be charging more for them. What a bargain!

Now this next one just tickled me silly; I couldn’t stop laughing. Which means it’s probably not funny to anyone else . . .

I can’t say that I do yoga at all, but if I did, I’m almost certain that my bathroom (and right next to the toilet!) is the very last place I’d choose. No matter how fresh and fabulous it smells.

Not having kids, it took me a few seconds of looking at this next one to determine the funny:

But I’m pretty sure that good parenting doesn’t involve a kegger for the kiddies. Then again, they do look rather happy, huh? Maybe brewery tours are the next big thing, better than Disney World.

Okay, sometimes things get screwed up because you misplace your modifying word or phrase, right? And it’s pretty easy to see what went a awry here:

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but marshmallows are out of season; would you prefer some whipped cream? It’s just ripened this week.”

And we know what this is supposed to say, as well, but . . .

. . . well, it doesn’t say what it’s supposed to, does it?

This next one . . . well, take a look, see for yourselves:

You only get 15% off if you’re Spanish speaking? I don’t even speak Spanish, and I can tell that’s a rip off, so I’m assuming that anyone not speaking English can see it, too, no? I mean there IS a giant red 25% just above the teensy Spanish language discount . . . oooooh! Unless you get an EXTRA 15% for speaking Spanish? I really need to learn that language! And isn’t this sort of thing illegal?

Where are the police when you need them? Oh, yeah, chasing down runaway turtles:

And setting dastardly speed traps . . .

for the Amish? I mean who’s he going to outrun on that horse?

Okay, this next one is a pet peeve of mine. Repeat after me: Benjamin Franklin was never . . . never ever . . . ever president of the United States of America.


And while we’re on the subject of historical figures,

No, Jennifer, Martin Luther King, Jr. did not free the slaves. Nor did Benjamin Franklin for that matter, and at 17, you should really really know who it was who did free them. If you’re an American, that is, or have been in the American school system. (If you’re not American, just substitute some commonly known, hugely significant historical figure here. I do understand that countries don’t teach other countries’ histories, but that’s a whole other topic.)

I know that we’re pretty soft on crime, and that we’re sympathetic to the put upon and beleaguered convicts who are forced to pay for their crimes. But have we really gotten to this point already?:

Your Honor, I’m pleading “Not that guilty” today. K? You good with that? Grrrr.

But it’s the touchy feely syndrome isn’t it? And it strikes again:

Leno thinks it’s funny that it says “stop taking if you think,” and yes, that’s pretty amusing, but even more amusing to my cynical pea brain is the “Important to try not to skip doses” . . . you don’t have to actually succeed in not skipping them, just try really really hard. K? You good with that? Grrrrr.

One thing I love about advertising is the reliance on the trite, the tried and true, and what better sentiment than “Wish You Were Here”

. . . for a hospital?

Okay, I’ve already sent off my deposit for this next one:

Look at those savings for having both? WooHoo! I knew there was a reason I waited this late in life to marry.


The first pic, I think, speaks for itself (as do all of these really, I just enjoy being a wise ass).


35 thoughts on “Jay Leno's Headlines: Because Lisa Likes Them (and So Do I)

  1. LMAo, Oh Fuzzy, hilarious as usual…totally with you on the yoga-next-to-the-toilet, how bizarre!
    I also loved “Didn’t he free the slaves?” and the one about pleading “not that guilty”…lolol.
    Marvellous blog, once again πŸ˜€

  2. And yeah, the didn’t he free the slaves line…just goes to show how much she was taught about one of the biggest events in American history πŸ˜›
    *takes Alex on a brewery tour* w00t, he’ll sleep tonight πŸ˜€

  3. lmao, Tally, yeah not that guilty. teehee @ taking Alex on a brewery tour. oh my god! That’s too funny. And yeah, at 17 someone from this country should really know who freed the slaves, I mean, for real. :)) Yay! Thanks for the happy laughs this a.m.; you always make me feel sparkly and new. :))

  4. i think that $150 package deal will come in really handy because if you rent a furniture store to get married in, you’re likely going to be killed by the bride and/or her mother.

    also, i’m liking the idea of the brewery tour. how do i sign up for that? πŸ˜‰

  5. Hehe, yeah, I know what you mean, Bert. Ick. And giggle. And then Ick again. :))

    But I’d be the bride, of course, Kerry, and my mom would be so happy, she’d probably pitch in for the dessert buffett (which is my idea of the perfect wedding feast). lol @ the brewery tour, I think it’s kids only!

  6. Loved them, Fuzzy. Thanks. Here’s one for you from the reader’s letter page of yesterday’s paper that caught my eye “Mystery Tour. Sign up today. Β£15 per person. 25 – 30 February.”

  7. very funny, just trying to imagine all the people this goes before and manages to get released to the public with glaring errors.wonder if the advertising company gets paid?

  8. love these advert blogs you post..hilariously tragic!
    Chuckled at the presrciption one :-))
    And i know what you mean about the declining standards of education. I think we have the same problem here too. As you know, i’ve got 14 nephews and neices at different stages in schooling and i am,like you,disturbed at what is regarded as academic excellence these days. I think a ‘touchy feely’ approach is important but as a means of supporting and building confidence and self esteem in kids especially when they wont be getting this from the home environment….a big and underestimated problem that i think has a significant impact on educational and general life-skills, consequences of which i do see in my work and the work of my child psychology colleagues.
    However, after saying all that..just because you’re happy and well-adjusted or even confident is by no means a measure of educational or life success.
    I think we discussed this before in the context of the balance of IE and IQ.
    I agree that literacy and numeracy skills in early childhood are and should be the foundation in the school system. If this doesnt get addressed and emphasised in primary school then it never does or is alot more difficult. I’m sure its the same in the US but so many kids in the UK leave school with only rudimentary literacy and numeracy skills…and its shocking. This particularly applies to kids from deprived areas and from families where the parents themselves have limited skills….the question is what you do about it?
    This brings me to a another issue of parents role in educating their children or lack of and although its not a direct link the over diagnosed rubbish-bin diagnosis of dyslexia that gets used as a label and excuse by teachers and especially parents for why their kid isnt able to read or write.
    actually i’d better stop.
    I’m waffling again fzy,lol,and have no idea what the point was of all this!..i only came to say hi and squeeze you tight!
    rash x

  9. when did you add the poll? i almost always really laugh out loud when i write lol, though sometimes it starts off as a snorfle and then turns into a laugh.

  10. Pretty funny stuff Fuzzy. I got to tell you, I don’t mind having my nuts judged by a proffesional, as long as she is cute. It’s the part about handing them over that well ……. hurts! By the way, the picture of the hospital! I have been in that hospital many times. It is in Pittsburgh Pa.

  11. Many were classics, Yoga, Wish you were here, Marriage and Funeral for a discount, Spanish Discount, Loaded with Miles and your explanation is so fun, fun, fun :). In the polls you should have added “Are you kidding me” if nobody laughs they must be a robot. Jay Leno is cool. πŸ™‚

  12. Hei Fuzz.

    The wedding deal is a must-have for every discerningly smart customer, methinks.
    Take care and keep blogging, Gal.
    Rii xx HUGGIZ of the dignified type to your honest self.

  13. Hey Fuzzy,

    I love the kids being eaten! In fact i’m feeling a little bit peckish right now but damn its not Monday! ekkk. Hugs to you and the clan. x

  14. Those were pretty funny Fuzzy. I like the one about the 15% discount for Spanish speakers. And Benjamin Franklin… come on… it is funny how a majority of people wouldn’t know he wasn’t President.

  15. Oh boy Fuzzy two in a row. I don’t know how you do it. I laughed but I did alot of eye rolling. I’m not sure that education should take all the heat . Maybe parental incompetence might be the real culprit.

  16. A pretty funny roundup. SOme points to ponder:

    –Eating the kids might be a possible solution to world hunger, particularly if low-fat, non-saturated oils are used..

    –The Stereo store people need diversity training

    –The slaying suspect had a difficult childhood

    –The “bundled” marriage and funeral savings makes sense if people conceive of marriage as closely related to death.. lol

  17. Maybe there are just a lot of people missing the “big picture.” Lord knows I have hired a few of them in my time. So funny!

  18. Hey Fuzzy,
    your blog made me laugh alot, thank u! but from the other hand it’s also sad and makes to think about the who;e issue… I just remember how I felt when talked to an American first time… honestly, I was just shoked. After learning a proper English at school I just couldn’t understand how come a native speaker turn everything up side down and totally forget about grammar rules?? a lot of Americans I’m working with say that those foreigners who studied English for real r speaking the language better than most native representatives. There r a lot of factors involved in the problem: society, education, lifestyle… can’t say what is most important, but I hope things at least won’t get worst. We say the health of the nation is the health of it’s language if u know what I mean, so I’m glad u posted this blog – the more people talk about the problem, the more chances appear to get it solved.
    Much luv from Moscow, Russia.

  19. Some great, and funny, stuff in this here blog. I did laugh out loud a couple of times. I love misprints and typos, but as you say, it would be sad if it came about that they were so common that no-one would see them as such.
    If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not have my nuts judged. I’m certainly NOT handing them over to anyone, professional or not!!
    I think the woman in the ‘Febreze’ ad chose to do her yoga there for ‘convenience’ LOL
    Eat Kids Free?? Great!! But I couldn’t manage a whole one!!
    As for the the brewery tour….haven’t there been beer sampling in Anheuser-Busch owned theme parks for years? It’s just an extention, to allow the smaller tourists a chance to sample the wares. LOL

  20. Yes, the post has its own unbelievable humor. But your smart-assness adds SO much depth to my snorfling!!

    You could not pay me enough to do a yoga pose next to a toilet! There is something so utterly nasty about that! Bleeeeaaaaaahhhhhhh! And I want to see the turtle fleeing!

    Having worked for a newspaper, and as an editor for too long, I’m used to seeing such… uh… ridiculousness. Inanity. Let’s face it: Illiteracy. I’m glad you’re on the soapbox about this. Finally! Something will get done!

    (Oh! And I’m almost 700 pages into an 800-page book, and I’ve only found ONE mistake so far! Unbelievable! The best-edited book I’ve EVER seen!!)

  21. I better improve my english to get the 25% off instead of only 15%. It was so funny, you really made me laught. Thanks for sharing.

  22. lol Neil @ the mystery tour last month (or next year?). :))

    Yes, it’s really sad, isn’t it Pilgrim? Sigh. :))

    Hey Rash, well, you bring up many points that I talk about more fully in my previous blog; suffice to say with regard to self esteem building, it’s lovely to have self esteem, and people should definitely have it, AND I feel horrible for those who don’t get it at home or in church, etc. BUT the education system is straining under the weight of conveying knowledge, keeping schools gun and weapon free, ensuring that students aren’t selling drugs and/or having sex on campus, checking for battered and otherwise abused children, making sure that kids eat well and right, that they get SOME exercise (because that’s not being taken care of at home, either), and . . . well, on and on ad infinitim. How much responsibility can we really put on teachers and the schools and still expect them to actually function AS schools of learning? It’s really ridiculous that teachers, who make a crap wage, are expected to be the BE ALL and END ALL in children’s lives with regard to everything from their academic success to their dietary, emotional, physical, and psychological needs. Just where do the parents, the physicians (!), the church leaders, the community elders . . . just where does everyone else fit in? Everyone is so busy trying to pass the buck of responsibility that they don’t stop and see what’s really happening, and what is happening is that kids aren’t being taught in school because doing so (actually telling them they are wrong about something or aren’t successful) will “damage” them. Huh! And I say that it’s far more damaging that they wander around dribbling fools with masses of self-esteem and then get hit with the “real world” that has no place for them! Why do you think increasing numbers of “children” in the twenties and thirties are living with their parents? Ugh. I could soapbox all day about this! But I won’t. :)) wmd huggs, Rash xx

  23. I added it late, Kerry; I’m not really a poll person, but I was wondering if these were worth doing or not. Seems that they are. (I think I can take a wild guess as to who chose “this was supposed to be funny” since it happened sometime after 2 a.m.! roflmao) :)) Huggs

    teehee, thanks Rainy!! :))

    Is it, Michael? That must be a popular name for a hospital because I think there might be one in Allentown. Or Bethleham? I forget which. And may be wrong about the name, too. πŸ˜‰ Huggs

    Yay, Chris, I just love you to pieces, you fab friend you!! :))

    Aw, thanks, Diggy Rii *huggs* xx

    teehee @ peckish, Snuggles, and actually, it’s getting to be my dinner time, too . . . πŸ™‚ Huggs to you and Marm from me and mine! :))

    Ooooh, a trifecta, River! :))

    Hey, Sean, yeah, it’s funny, I guess, but for some reason that just gets under my skin (as a pet peeve is wont to do). :))

    Oh, I agree, Heyman, but the sad truth is that schools aren’t for teaching or learning. No, not anymore. 😦

    hehe, thanks, Sarge!

    thanks, Priceless Pris :))

    Hey there Jenia, and yes, I think that might be true about non-native English speakers having a better grasp of formal English; it’s not something I see in my work, but it does make sense as you’ve outlined it here. I know when I took Spanish in school, it was very frustrating to speak to or try to understand anyone because the formal language is very unlike the spoken/idiomatic language. Is that true of Russian, too? Huggs to you. :))

    Yay!! Thanks, Azad, that is so sweet and kind of you to say. :))

    lmao, Mitch! Fab comments there. And yes, you’re quite right about Busch Gardens amusement park, but the last time I was at Disney, it was still booze free (though this is not true of Epcott, where one can get a cocktail in every “country”). :))

    That’s always heartening, isn’t it, Jillene, to read a book and NOT be distracted by how poorly it was edited! I feel your glee in that one. :)) Huggs to you and thanks for your always fab comments!

    lol, Tito, well, we can help each other out; you help me with Spanish, and I’ll help you with English. Then maybe we can get a 40% discount? lmao

  24. I laughed right out loud, several times. thanks for these. I have gone back and read the stuff i wrote sometimes and found I wrote something tht changed the whole meaning. But these are advertised! I guess the spanis speaking have to take the 15% because they dont speak english. thats fAIR. lol. Its scary when you ask kids questions they should know, and they give you answeres. Is it he teachers or the kids. or the system

  25. You’re so welcome, Lise!! I just remember the first time that I did one (back in Nov/Dec, whenever), you really loved it, and I like it when you laugh and are happy! Huggs :)) And totally know what you mean about wondering what it is teachers, kids, or the system; I think you have to add in parents, there, a little, because if a parent doesn’t think much of education, a kid won’t either. Just natural, I guess. Yay!! So happy you laughed and right out loud, too!! Wooohooo!! Huggs to you, TME

  26. yea i’m not sure why i posted my entry in this blog!
    I guess it just came into my head and went off on a tangent as i do!
    But i totally agree with you though fzy.
    Its the ‘pass the buck’ culture particularly when it concerns kids with too much emphasis on teachers to ‘sort them out’ by parents and society. A good deal of the problem or solution is the first few years and this to a large extent is the role of parents and this brings up the issue of parental skills,or lack of, in the context of the childs pre-school developmental needs, both cognitive and emotional.
    I’m not whitewashing this issue and saying its parents fault but its something that doesnt get adressed in any constructive way, especially in this country.
    Rash xx

  27. Gotta say, Rash, you can post anything anywhere you like! I like your ideas and thoughts and sense of humor; heck, I like you, so feel free to post whatever, wherever! :)) Yes, it’s a mess, and I do agree that parents need to take more responsibility, and I do feel bad for those who cannot and want to. I do, too, agree with you on IQ and EQ, btw, though we may never have finished that conversation (?). wmd hugs xx

  28. OOOOhhh I needed that laugh!!! Thank you Fuzz!!
    These are great, especially the EAT KIDS FREE one, which reminded me of a totally non-pc joke I heard long ago. Also, getting married/buried from a furniture store for $150.00 sounds like a great deal. Joe’s Deep Discount Marriage Chapel & Funeral Emporium works for me just fine, LOLOL… @@ hugs on the run… G. xo

  29. Hi Fuzzy, we all should know that Hoover freed the slaves! Just kidding, wanted to get your blood pressure up! I agree that it is sad that a 17 year old would not have heard of “The Emancipation Proclamation”! Love the car with all the miles on the odometer! Being from California, many here would sadly agree that the Hispanic should only be entitled to only a 15% discount! I once saw the test, to become an American Citizen on AOl, it was said that most Americans could not pass it…Hope all is well with you!

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