"Magic Elixirs" That Actually Work

Following the theme of yesterday’s post, I thought that I would post another essay on products that promise the sun and moon . . . but these actually deliver on their promises. Yay. This article was written on November 18, 2006

Take this pill and lose hundreds of pounds, improve your sex life, combat baldness, cure diabetes, and defeat halitosis: just one little pill, twice a day, for life, and all your ills will disappear. Want to live longer? Be healthier? Grow hair where you used to and not where you do now? Have they got a product for you!!

I don’t think there are magic elixirs, and I certainly don’t buy into all the hype surrounding a lot of these products, but over the past few years, I have been amazed at how well some products DO work. A couple years ago, in a rare vacuuming frenzy, I spilled an entire cup of coffee (cream, no sugar) on my off-white area rug. Ruined? Nope. I bought this wonderful product called Spot Shot, and I am not kidding (or being paid for this plug), that stuff got every last drop and tinge of that coffee stain out of that rug. It looked like new. I was absolutely amazed and have been working that product into every conversation since then (okay, not quite that mad about it, but darn close).

Another product that makes claims about which I was a bit skeptical is Noxema’s Hair Minimizing Shaving Gel; it works, after a few weeks’ use, I noticed that I could skip a day (or even two!) 0f leg shaving, and that’s not been possible since I was a teen. I’ve also been impressed with Dr. Scholl’s for Her Ultra Overnight Foot Cream. For some reason, the older I get, the more the heels of my feet begin to function like heavy duty, industrial quality sandpaper, but after only three nights of slathering this yummy smelling product on my feet, they became noticably softer, more foot like. And now, after months of using this magic cream, my feet are soft and supple again. It’s really quite remarkable.

If I could find a scar minimizer that works half that well or a cream that makes age spots disappear (yep, noticed these in the past year or so. Sigh.), I’d be a very happy camper. Instead, I occasionally fall for the advertising and end up with stupid products that are useless, like those Glade scented oil things that are supposed to infuse your home with a lovely scent and have the added bonus of burning themselves out when the oil is burned up. Well, that latter claim is accurate. But unless you are sitting right next to those oil things, forget it, you can’t smell them at all (and I’m not thrilled with the new Glade candles, either, the originals smelled better).

Another product that just doesn’t do what it claims is the Nivea skin firming lotion; maybe you’re thinking, well, duh! Of course a lotion doesn’t firm your skin, what are you thinking, Fuzzy? Well, I’ve found one that DOES make a difference in the skin firming area, so by comparing the Olay firming reviver lotion to the Nivea version, I can tell you that Olay wins–you think I keep my breasts in the same general vicinity they’ve always been by some gravity defying device or by (air suck, swoon) exercise? Nope, a lotion (and a good bra) works wonders. Likewise, don’t waste your time or money on “teeth whitening” gum or toothpaste, just buy some Crest white strips and get the job done.

Now if I could just find a laundry product that will REALLY get the yellow and dingy out of my white blouses or a cat friendly bleach product to hang inside my toilet bowl . . . well, I’d feel years younger, be more fit and healthy, and eliminate my risk of heart disease.


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