All I Need is This Butter Knife . . . and This Shoe


When I was 34, my mom bought me my first toolbox. Until that point, I’d kept all my tools in that drawer where you keep batteries, extra chapstick, extension cords, decks of cards, air freshener refills, scotch tape, and appliance manuals. My tools at that point consisted of a little set of four screwdrivers that I’d won at a fair, an old upholstery hammer my mom had used back in the ’70’s during her intense upholstery phase, and some left over doo dads from assorted Sauder bookcases (those little “L” shaped thingies and teensy nails mostly). Oh, and I had some round smooth things left over from putting the bathroom cabinet together.

What made me think of this is that I was just making up the bed (yes, at 11:00 p.m.) because it’s been cold all day and is cold tonight, and I wanted my down comforter on. Anyway, I draped the comforter over my bedroom door and noticed that the cheap backing was coming off and some teensy nails were pulling out. Without a thought, I picked up a shoe (a nice 3″ basic black pump) and tapped in the little nails. As I was putting the shoe back, it occurred to me that I’ve had a hammer, a real hammer, for several years now and really should have gotten that out and done the job properly. Hmph! The nails are in, the bed’s made, and I didn’t even have to go scrounging around in my spare room-office-storage room-catch all for the toolbox.

When my mom was here visiting, the time she bought me the toolbox, she was horrified that I similarly grabbed a butter knife when I needed to tighten the handle thing on one of my kitchen (or it may have been bathroom) drawers. What’s that you’re doing there? With that butter knife? Um, just tightening this screw thing, why? Turns out you’re supposed to use a screwdriver for that, and a particular one called a flat head. Interesting. My little four pack of hard won at the fair guessing booth screwdrivers had a flat head in . . . right before the pink and white plastic handle part fell off.

So off we went to the tool place to stock me up on fabulous tools and a toolbox to put them all in. My favorite item we got that day was an electric screwdriver; that thing is to die for fabulous. All you do is plug it in, then when you have something to screw in, you get it and push the button, and it does all the work for you. It was a life saver when I put up my new curtain hardware last year.

I love my toolbox, and it makes me feel ready for anything, but at the end of the day, I guess I’ll always head straight for the cooking spray when I have a squeaking hinge, the butter knife when I need to tighten a screw, and the high heeled pump when I need to bang in a nail.


22 thoughts on “All I Need is This Butter Knife . . . and This Shoe

  1. lol.. hmmm, you are pretty handy it seems. But I thought most women already have a toolbox of sorts- their purses.. lol! Amazing things! Everythang is in there- I’ve seen the usual cosmetics and checkbooks, but in that mysterious place..

    baby powder, brochures from like 3 yeras ago, bandages, knives (penknives), CPR devices, mints, cell phones and the odd Magnum 44 handgun or two.. lol

    Some might argue that the contents of a purse reveal a lot- from neat freak organizers to free-spirited teeny boppers.

    But based on how you wield that shoe, can it be classified as a “lethal weapon”? lol

  2. hey, you use what’s handy. i think improvising is great, personally. i mean, what happens if you really need to screw something together and the screwdriver isn’t charged? butter knife. ingenious!

  3. lolol You’re me!
    The amount of times I’ve cut myself using a knife instead of a screwdriver, my teeth instead of scissors, a shoe for a hammer (or a rolling pin, they’re good too). Tools are all very well, I have a bunch, but I typically need something this minute and use what’s to hand!
    It’s very much a woman thing, I think, Men need real manly tools to feel important and things…my Mum once repaired the fan belt of her car using a pair of stockings. Women so kick ass πŸ˜›

  4. … ooooh I remember the day I bought my first power tool… an electric drill and screwdriver… about 5 years ago…. they are brilliant… now got a jig-saw too. So so useful. My dad loved tools… collected them like ‘stamps’… I inherited a few… like screwdrivers etc… and my toolbox is full to overflowing…. but must remember the butter knife trick

  5. Oh my gosh Fuzzy, we have the same tool box! Well, we did, until your mother went out and unionized you. I have a drawer where there are screwdrivers, a few wrenches, and a hammer, and they are in there, unless I use them and end up leaving them exactly where I used them last, which is often. When I need a tool, my first thought isn’t that i should go get the tool, it is something like, hmmmmmm, where did I use that last? But when you were inventorying your drawer you failed to mention the few items that are always in the junk drawer that keep getting pushed around when you go in there. They are the items that your not sure what they are, why they are there, what they are for, but you know if you throw them out, you will need them the next day!

  6. Hiya Fuzzy πŸ™‚

    I’ve built up a sizable set of tools. I’m not the worlds gretest handy-man, but if I need to do something I want the tools to to it with. hahahaha … I’m trying to think what you might use for a saw if you needed to trims a piece of wood. A bread-knife maybe? … LOL.

    I once remember a neighbour who was pretty ham-fisted. After saying which, he didn’t do too badly at what he set his mind to. I remember him one day trying to find a phillips head scredriver to drive home (about) ten screws. I was miles away from home, so I couldn’ help him. He brought a hammer out and said “I’ll use a Paddies (meaning Irish, no offence to the Irish) screwdriver. With that he placed the screws with his fingers and hammered the whole lot into place … hahaha.

    (Ah .. Memories)

    Hugs and love to you fuzzy πŸ™‚


  7. hahaha….wow, I guess it’s not just me!
    I usually use a kitchen knife instead of a screw driver and my teeth instead of scissors and I too have used a shoe as a hammer! My husband always makes fun of me…but hey…at least we are resourceful!
    I will resort to using the tool box when it’s really necessary. But I must admit that I have bent the tips of my steak knives using them as scredrivers…LOL

  8. I have the draw full of all the *just in case* things. Bits of string, blu-tak, sticky tape,drawing pins etc. But my wonderful tool box is an old margarine tub full of every type of screw, nail and nut that once belonged to an ex. The hammer sits at the side of my bed lol, dad painted it with glow in the dark paint and insisted it stay beside the bed incase of emergencies…hmm.

  9. This is a wonderful posting.
    Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “Thinking outside the box.” πŸ™‚

  10. Funny read, can’t believe you will mess up the beautiful shoes on a nail what happens if it rips off, do you have old shoes for just this job :). I have to change my window curtains, I read the instructions, I am ashamed I got a degree and can’t understand this πŸ™‚ any suggestions kitchen stuff is fine I have enough πŸ™‚

  11. Too funny! But please, put the pumps back in the closet!!After living with a husband who never puts back a tool for 23 years…I got my own toolbox last year. Filled it with all kinds of goodies and he’s not allowed to touch it!!! And I agree, the cordless screwdriver is my favorite also….(:

  12. I think you’re a pretty expert workman (?workperson), Fuzzy. Every tool box should have a butter knife in it. AND you’ve even got little “L” shaped thingies too!! I carry round a nail file (those things we had before those bendy cardboard thingies) which fits most screws, even those irritating ones with the cross-shaped bit on the end. The plumbers are still working here; you got one of those long bendy things with the screw bit in the middle and plastic handle you could bring over? The plumbers need one and they’re costing me a fortune!

  13. Hahahah!!!! Awesome!! I have to say…I’ve never used a butter knife. I’m kind of a “tool time girl” (without the sexiness..hahah) I’m the dork who actually requests tools for Christmas! Yes, the electric screwdriver is the best thing since sliced bread!! Ohhhh..and the sander is pretty cool too…but you have to have the large one, the small square one, anddd the mouse sander!! I have a new jigsaw…I have no idea why I requested it…it hasn’t seen the outside of the box.

    Howeverrrrrrrr…..I do have my favorite set of “manual” screwdrivers….I can’t tell you about them…you have to see them. Just for you, sometime next week perhaps…I will do a blog about my screwdrivers JUST FOR YOU…hahaha (or maybe I’ll just throw the picture of them ina “tidbit” blog…haha!! (I promise…you’ll laugh and be envious!!) Iffffff, I can find them….because, I truly just use my electric now. Ohhhhhh…and I got this nifty little tiny electric screwdriver to keep in the kitchen drawer…from Ace Hardware! (but it only works on toys and such…noooo power what-so-ever)

    Tomorrow, for shoe sunday…we need to see your “hammer” hahahahahah :p

  14. Hey Fuzzy, I think every house has a drawer, that is a catch all for anything we don’t have a place for….I tell you every time I go fumbling around in there, I always get poked by something sharp! You would think I would learn by now! A power drill is a great asset for so many jobs and it gets cold here too…I’m not ashamed to say I have my favorite comforter too…A high heel and a butter knife is a great starter kit and Tally hit it, amazing what the chopper’s can do!

  15. You wait for your power tools epiphany. One day you will be driving along and suddenly you’ll be parked outside ‘Honest Ted’s Powertool Barn’.

    You’ll go to slip the car into reverse only to find yourself stood on the kerb and moving mesmerised into the neon lit nirvana.

    After 90 minutes of near orgasmic experiences withg power saws, hammer drills nad routers you’ll walk away with your first electric slingback and a rechargeable butterkife – with free tool belt.

    After that your life will never be the same.

  16. You are just so funny Fuzzy. I can’t believe you tighten the screws in the doors with a butter knife! I have about six or seven screwdrivers with possy head and some have flat heads. I also have a stanley knife and a hammer and loads of odd screws and stuff that I have just seem to come across along with loads of Alan keys that I have from when I brought the bed and the spare beds and chest of draws. The only thing I don’t own is a drill. Think I would be quite deadly with one of them though. Dad will need one again soon as I a going to buy a long mirror when I go to Ikea so that will be another little job for him for next weekend. He he. BIG BIG HUGS TO YOU. X

  17. My toolbox is a mess and I still have my screwdrivers in a kitchen drawer and my hammer in the laundry room hanging on a nail. Hmmm. I had every good intention when I bought that toolbox that I’d keep it organized and handy. So much for good intentions. And as for the power driver…I never remember to plug it in so it is useless. I have a question for you though. Why are you hanging your comforter across your door?

  18. That toolbox seems empty to me. Or is it my eyes?
    Can you please put a shoe and a butter knife in it? That’s all we need, forget the rest!

    I do love power drills, they make me feel really powerful but I seldom get the occasion to drill holes. It’s only that many holes you need around a house… I wish there were more needed.

  19. Hey Sarge, well, see there, now I’ve got a whole new blog idea . . . my purse and its mysterious contents. No guns, though. So heavy, aren’t they? hehe. And yes, I imagine some damage could be done with my shoe / hammer / “lethal weapon”. Hehe πŸ˜€

    Yay! Kerry, thanks. I think improvising is great, too, the sign of a great mind. Or of desperation? Hard to tell. lolol

    Hehe, Tally, I use my teeth, too, so much quicker than getting the scissors out. And how fabulous was your mom to use her pantyhose as a fanbelt . . . I’m in awe. πŸ˜€ You know, I don’t own a rolling pin. I’ve wished I had one (actually, I wanted one when I couldn’t reach a bag of chips/crisps on top of the fridge; I ended up using a fly swatter instead. A rolling pin would have been so less ucky). Loads of huggs to you and great big smiles of recognition (if you know what I mean). πŸ˜€

    Hey Treesparrow, I have a set of drill bits that I can pop on my electric screwdriver and make holes. I guess. I’ve never needed a hole, but if I ever do, I’m all set. hehe A jigsaw? What on earth do you do with that? This is fascinating to me. πŸ˜€

    lolol, Michael, you leave your tools wherever you last used them? See? If you used nearby shoes, no one would ever know you’d done that . . . who notices a shoe? A hammer, yes. πŸ˜€ Huggs you.

    teehee, FrankiE, thanks for the funny story. I’m actually far better hammering with a shoe than a hammer, a shoe feels right in my hand, but a hammer is so heavy and unpredictable. Huggs to you, dear. xx

    rofl, Maggie! You are too funny, we women so rule (kick ass, as Tally says!!), don’t we? I don’t use a steak knife for that very reason, no point in breaking off the nib when a butter knife works just as well. πŸ˜€

    omg, Shell, I’m in awe of your glow in the dark hammer by the bed defense! That’s so awesome. I don’t really have anything for the just in case times. Attack cats, but they mostly just sleep. πŸ˜€

    lolol, thanks Rainy. πŸ˜€

    But I didn’t, Chris, I got the little nails in with no damage to the shoes at all. I guess I could have chosen shoes with a sturdier/wider heel, but those were right there, by the door. Handy. And effective. hehe. Are you changing out the whole thing, including the hardware or just the curtains? I can help. I’m good with curtains. All you need is one pair of high heels, one butter knife, and a sofa (for standing on). rofl.

  20. lolol Rivergirl, looks like it’s a man thing; Michael does the same thing, leaves his wherever, but not me. Even when I do use actual tools, I put them right back where they go in the toolbox, and the shoes go right back where they go (in this case on the floor but not the closet). πŸ˜€

    Neil, I remember those metal nail files! Very good for scraping the ice off your windshield if you’re caught in a pinch; also good for popping gum (once you’ve frozen it with ice) off the bottom of your shoes. Also good for opening mail. There, I think that’s all I’ve used those for (and once, I believe, on my fingernails). I’ve not got one of those bendy things, but I think my electric screwdriver might just do the trick. Just can’t plug it in over there. Do you have a transformer thing? As to mom waiting until I was 34 to buy me a toolbox, I’m sure she assumed I already had one. I mean, at that ripe old age, who wouldn’t? Huggs

    Ooooh, Ang, you have a sander AND a jigsaw? I’m so jealous. Now, as I was asking Sparrow, what the hell do you do with those, though? I mean, I guess you could sand your cabinets with the sander. But … why? And DO do a post on your fave screwdriver set!! I think I’m going to do one on my real toolbox one of these days. How fun!! We can be the tool time girls (and we can be sexy, too, dammit). Hehe. Huggs.

    Oh, Micheal, well, there’s no excuse for getting poked in your junk drawer. What’s sharp in there? No scissors allowed, no oyster shuckers, no tacks that aren’t in boxes, etc. There are junk drawer rules, my friend. Teehee! πŸ˜€

    Simon, that’s the best (okay, only) tool porn I’ve ever read. I think I need a cold shower now.

    Hey Snuggles, that’s not my actual toolbox, got that one off google image because it was pretty late, and I was too lazy to bother digging out the toolbox for a pic. I was too lazy to dig it out to use it, too, remember? rofl. Huggs to you!! And a toolbox is great to have, so maybe you can get one one day! πŸ˜€

    Hi Mavis . . . so wonderful to see you here!! Huggs. I had the comforter draped over the door because I didn’t want to put it on the floor, and as I’d decided to change the sheets (Downey freshness! Yay!) as well as put on the comforter, I needed some place to put it. And good thing I did or I’d not have had a blog. lolol

    teehee, yes, Fantabulous Fanta, it’s empty, as I was saying to Snuggles, my laziness knew no bounds that night! Mine’s not hot pink, it’s clear and baby blue. In fact, it’s a newer, bigger one than my mom got me back then. I outgrew that one pretty quickly, actually. I had to have all sorts of stuff, you know?! πŸ˜€ And yes, I do wish I had a reason to make holes around my house, too. If you think of something hole-worthy, let me know (and vice versa). πŸ˜€

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