When 360 Turns Bad: Just Grow UP!

I had this whole education rant post in my head, ready to pour out (and quite possibly bore you all to death yet again), but then I read this post by FrankiE, and I just had to transform my would be blogment into a full-fledged blog. For those of you who don’t know him, FrankiE is this fabulous, artistic, gentle soul thinker-man who writes the most lovely blogs about everything from his truly romantic meeting with his wife to poems and on to songs he sings. He’s really quite a blogging marvel. Anyway, he wrote tonight about misplaced loyalty (yo! FrankiE, is your blog still friends only or can I link to it?), about people who try to force others to dislike people they dislike and about whether or not it is loyal to do so. Is it being a friend to dislike someone who has upset your friend, even if there are no grounds for your dislike (other than that your friend does . . . for some reason)? Well, FrankiE, unsurprisingly, says, no, that is not loyalty at all.

And I couldn’t agree more. In fact, I want to go on and on (and quite possibly on) about this topic as it’s one that has pecked at me at various times both in life and (FAR more frequently) here on 360. Of course, we all remember Jr. High and the I hate her so you have to mentality that went along with that. Gah! I so need to be cursed out on Springer for some of the horrible things I said about and to people that I didn’t even know back then. I’d be the oblivious person, gliding through life, unaware that I had caused lasting pain to someone through thoughtlessness, spite, and that trying to fit in thing we all experience (God, I hope it wasn’t just me!). While the victim, would show up, all dolled out and possibly a millionaire to show me that I had missed the boat on that one. There might be tears, as the person I helped ostracize wept about nights spent home alone and sad, lonely days in school. I hate that insecure and mean little me. But I was 13.

Very few, if any (thank God, yet again, that’s what myspace is for), people on 360 are 13, but more than our fair share sure act like it!! Now, I will say, that not everyone is like this, and that I quickly get away from people like this and stay away — so OF COURSE I’m not talking about anyone on my friends list. In fact, quite the opposite, my experience with the people currently among my friends has been great when things turn sour with other “friends” or with whomever might stop by, and my friends have stayed both my and the other person’s friends, and I admire that, find that smart and sane and adult.

However, there are toxic people here, just as there are in life, and they do here just what they do in life: find power and some twisted sense of pleasure in upsetting people, disrupting friendships, and basically setting people (even groups) against one another. It’s laughable. It’s sad. And really, it’s just pathetic. But it happens all the time, and each of us then wonders how do we respond? What is the loyal (as FrankiE asks) thing to do? And how best do we cope with the disruption? And we all have to make our own choices, for our own reasons, of course.

So let’s say this blogger, we’ll call her “Fussy,” has experienced a couple of these incidents . . . .

There’s our Fussy, skipping through the tulips and singing a song of joy at the wonderful world of blogging she’s stumbled upon. Poor Fussy can’t sing in tune, but we can hear that she is happy. She’s making friends and visiting blogs and loving her tulip strewn bloglife. When all of a sudden, happy singing (more than slightly out of tune) Fussy is barraged with hateful information about another blogger friend. Oh, the horrors that are revealed! Poor Fussy is saddened and scared and not a little worried that she’s mixing with the wrong sort. But Fussy doesn’t do anything, she doesn’t delete the scandalous horror person, she just sort of . . . galumphs through the tulips, kicking them now and then, wondering how she could ever have been happy. And she sees that the Dark Cloud is happily interacting with the Unspeakable Horror, visiting back and forth, joking. Cozying up to the Unspeakable Horror, even!

Thunderstruck, Fussy flops down in her tulip field and ponders her childhood. Didn’t she know someone just like Dark Cloud once long ago? And didn’t that Dark Cloud spread rumors and say hateful things behind everyone’s back? In fact, didn’t that Dark Cloud at some point turn on Fussy and do that very thing? Yes. Yes. And yes, again! Well, Fussy, thought, as she picked herself up and unbent a sat on tulip stem, that’s that, then, isn’t it. I will not listen to Dark Cloud; I will make my own decision about Unspeakable Horror. And she did. And Fussy’s heart and soul grew three sizes that day. And to this very day, she is friends with (the not at all) Unspeakable Horror (who is really the most kind and nice sort of person).

But that wasn’t the end of the Dark Cloud. Dark Cloud then began the Unspeakable Horror campaign against someone else! And Fussy’s heart and soul were once again tested, and she almost failed! She actually de-friended the new Unspeakable Horror. Fussy was a stupid, bad blogger girl, oh, yes she was! But then, after much thought and soul and heart searching, Fussy realized she had made a horrid mistake and de-friended the wrong person. She crawled to the good good person and begged that she be forgiven her silliness, her hastiness, her stupidity. And she was. Well, Fussy’s heart and soul practically burst with the growing that time, and she vowed never again to hear a bad word against a friend. And a funny thing happened, Dark Cloud didn’t have much else to say once Fussy stopped listening to the meanness. So Dark Cloud went away. Yay!

Perhaps you can relate to Fussy and her story. Perhaps you can’t. But I do think (and have seen enough on here to feel certain) that everyone has been touched by this or similar mean-spiritedness. I’ve seen my very own friends have to blast that they’re sick of drama or have deleted this or that comment or have been pushed to setting their blog to friends only by some malicious outside force. It’s sickening. I know that this blogger (the one we’re calling Fussy) was never happier than when Dark Cloud finally evaporated, but poor beleaguered Fussy soon learned through a concerned friend’s email, that she was being accused of practically stalking Dark Cloud. Well, Fussy could have defended herself, but she didn’t. Instead, she laughed. How preposterous! Good riddance to bad rubbish never had more resounding meaning. That was long ago, and now Fussy skips in her tulips and sings her sadly out of tune songs and is a happy happy blogger again, just as she was before the Dark Cloud darkened her blogway.

I learned from Fussy’s plight, and I stay away from drama. I run miles when someone wants to berate someone else I know and like, and I have to reign myself in from jumping in to defend my nearest and dearest when they get sucked into similar dramas. Okay, so I have been known to run my big mouth when someone I truly adore is attacked, but hey, all that old misguided loyalty can’t be defeated in a day, can it?

All I can say is this: if you have something bad to say about someone, please think before you speak. We all need to vent or kvetch now and again, and that’s one thing, but maliciously attacking someone, trying to make them persona non grata . . . well, just don’t. I have no patience for that sort of thing, and I like to make my own decisions about whom I’ll be friends with and why. Besides, you’re not liking someone is not grounds for me not to do so. And quite frankly, I will look at and think hard about you. My experience has been that someone who attacks others usually ends up att
acking me. I don’t stick around that long. Besides, isn’t blogging supposed to be fun?

And as a related aside: This works both ways, just because yo
u love someone to pieces doesn’t mean that I or anyone else will. Everyone is different: some people click, others don’t. And yes, you can be best friends with someone that none of your other friends like all that much. That’s life.


25 thoughts on “When 360 Turns Bad: Just Grow UP!

  1. Well, now you have got me thinking like some kind of 360 mystery. Who could it be that is stirring up so much trouble?
    I have never received any type of hate mail except the occasional “if you get an email from someone named “so-and-so” do not open it or you will lose everything”.
    I think that I have avoided most of the drama that goes on here but I have heard my other friends speak of it before. Maybe I am too old to attract that type. I did know it well especially in Junior High which I have blogged about recently.
    You have brought up a good question about loyalty. It is not as easy to read people when you can’t look them in the eye.
    It is nice, in a way, if all of our friends can be friends with each other but that is not probable. I have always been pretty independent with my friend choices. I like different people for different reasons. It makes for an unlikely clique (which is just fine with me). Nothing annoys me more when I go to read someone’s blog and the comment section appears to be for club members only.

  2. Ah yes. I’ve seen and experienced my little share of drama too. I completely agree with you and Frankie that loyalty stops short of friendship exclusivity. It does amaze me sometimes how grownups can act so immature.

    I remember in Junior High having two friends that couldn’t stand each other, but they soon learned not to include me in their gossip mongering. I would literally walk away from them if they started in. Well, I for one am glad that Fussy is a happy blogger again! Rock on girlfriend!

  3. *tch* What-ev-uh…


    Actually, I’m very lucky in that I haven’t been directly affected by some of the immaturity and mean-spiritedness that some on here spew forth, though I have Friends who have been affected in such a way.

    And as for Myspace being for the teens and 360 for us older folks, that will likely change if/when Yahoo! introduces the rumored Mosh. Heck, whilst looking into this Y! Mosh stuff, I’ve even seen it mentioned that Y! considers 360 a failure. But I think that’s best left for a separate Blog sometime…

  4. I totally agree that Dark Cloud is totally out of line with the trash talk. Of course there are complex situations that don’t really fit that scenario… but overall, there is not an excuse to defame someone. If some truly is an Unspeakable Horror, their own actions and words will expose them as such.

    Luckily like most everyone else here, I’ve not had any 360 drama. Oh, I’ve had plenty of real life drama… but somehow have been lucky in choosing 360 acquaintances. *grin*

  5. i Don’t think anyone should be forced to choose sides. But I do feel that If I know someone is dishonest and could harm or mis lead others . Than I feel I should at least warn my friends and let them make their own decisions. I also hate drama and normally ignore emails . But on occasion if I feel strongly about something I will blog about the subject.

  6. I ran across one of these “This person is a scoundrel” posts recently. I also received an email about an emotional hi-jacker or somesuch. I ended up deleting both. Let them fuss about things.

    I also got a creepy email from someone telling me that this person was a poser and not ‘real’. Er um…rumor mongering annoys me.

    Another pet peeve of mine– people that write me to try to find out more about me than I may wish them to know. They always start it out with: I’m just being nosey, but… really annoy me. Want to know where I live…and can they come – they’ll be in town next week, yadayada yada. Creeps me out and I delete them also.

    I agree with you entirely about this. I would hope that if anyone says anything hideous about me and my Llama friends that my friends would ignore the nonsense. Life is too short. At least it is for me. Hugs Fuzzy! You fight for the right to be your own person and in a drama free zone! I will too. Hugs.

  7. Dark cloud sounds like a very sad and vindictive sort of person, it’s aa shame when people feel the need to behave that way. I’m SO over high school 😛
    I’m glad that you sorted it out, who needs drama?
    Hugggs 🙂

  8. Being pretty new to the blogoshere, I haven’t encountered this yet. I am sort of a Polyanna myself and think that even if two people have issues, that doesn’t mean I will have the same issues.

    I think that most people here blog about their thoughts and their lives. Those with small minds and no life have to create drama to fill the empty space, both in their lives and on their blog.


    Wonderful expressed, as usual.

    I have not had to face that yet here on 360, although, I am sure that will happen some day. :-(. I agree with you that those spreading the negativity are usually the ones to avoid. And, I am 41 now…so…I will make up my own mind about those in my life in whatever format…thank you very much! 🙂 I do still get upset when someone attacks one of my friends. But, I also have learned to realize that there are always two sides to the story.

    I do face this almost daily at work. One woman is exceptionally toxic. She would rant negatively about others. And, I would simply nod…which apparently was taken as agreement. Oddly, these nods then became ME saying these things when she decided she was angry with me and she buddied up with those she formerly degraded. I’ve learned my lesson and now…while I remain professional and pleasant with her and will joke about non-work related things…if she starts with the negativity…I get up and leave for some sort of errand or simply ignore her and give her no acknowledgement. The others in the office seem to have caught on and begun utilizing this tactic too. Without me saying a word to them which makes it even better. Sigh…it IS so like being in jr. high again!

    BTW – you aren’t the only one to dislike some of your 13 year old self’s actions. I wonder sometimes about a few of those who were knowingly hurt by my immaturity. In fact, my best friend, Jane, and I still talk about how we regret some of our actions from those days. We didn’t know, but we should have.

    If you remember my blog called Epiphany, I talked about the day when I suddenly realized that everyone wants to feel important to others…that they have worth. I wish it hadn’t taken so long to reach that point. But, it is how I try (not always succeed) to live my life now and how I try (again, not always succeed) to treat others.


  10. Very well said by you and by FrankiE . . .as we say in middle school “save the drama for your mama” . . .get a life and move along folks . . .i judge people for myself and will support to a degree but i realize too that things are not always what they seem on the veil of computers . . .but i treat others the way i wish to be treated . .damn golden rule =D

  11. Blimey Fuzz, someone hattled your cage there then. Great blog and really made me think. I think that you do need to stick up for yoru friends but you also need to make your own decisions on who you want to be friends with and other people don’t like it then tuff really as its your decision. Welcome back happy blogging Fussy!

  12. Hi Fuzzy, could not agree with you more. This is so common at work! I feel that the person who is trying to spread discord is just insecure. As you said we are fully capable of making our own decisions about others! We have to remember that there are two sides to every story! I won’t judge anyone based on something I read or was told! I am thankful for the friend I have here on 360 and would never allow someone speak ill of another! Like you said, just don’t need the drama! They say that the tongue will get you in more trouble in this world than anything else, I believe it! Thank’s for making us all think about this subject! Hope life is being good to you…Michael

  13. Oh wow…a real live 360 fairy tale…”Fussy Battles the Dark Cloud”…I love it! But seriously, I know what you mean, people can be so petty. I’ve been lucky to avoid all that type of drama so far and try to stay out of other bloggers relationships as a rule. Like you say…everyone is different and my friends may not be your friends….isn’t that what makes the world a more interesting place? (:

  14. I guess I have been lucky on here as well. Other than the occassional sex-perve, I have not been a part of such drama. Perhaps I don’t know enough people on here, or just don’t know them well enough for them to spout off at me about someone else. Yay, for me. Sometimes being “distant friends” has it’s benefits!

  15. Huh, I don’t even get sex-perves, but it sounds like the right way to deal with them (unless they’re really cute). I fear I remember every time I hurt someone accidentally; it’s so hard to fix isn’t it. Gliding obliviously sounds nice.

  16. I can’t decide whether to feel lucky or left out! Hahaha. That means that I haven’t been faced with any drama on here. Okay, I choose lucky!

    That kind of stuff usually makes me hide. I can’t stand it. I just avoid it at all cost. It makes me sad & quiet. So, I just hush until it’s all over. But, like I said before, I’m lucky….I guess I’ve “added friends” well so far.

    I kind of like o’ Fussy…will we be hearing more about her adventures?? 😉

  17. Nothing to disagree with here. So far, touch wood, my page has been drama free and I want to keep it that way. I have seen too often how poisonous, underhand and downright nasty things can get with chatroom politics. Sometimes it is difficult not to get sucked in especially when people start throwing allegations and ultimatums about, trying to force people to take sides.

    People do though need to understand what drama is and what it is not. I have had people stride in before, on message boards and even on here to a lesser degree when I have been debating someone, saying ‘Oh stop all the drama will you!’ Disagreement is not necessarily drama, in fact it is the very oxygen some subjects thrive on. If people start slipping into ad hom attacks and briefing others against their enemies, that’s where it starts to get stupid.Sadly if a small clique puts their mind to it, they can apply sufficient pressure to make like on here so awkward some will just depart to avoid the drama.

  18. Bravo doc, well said, this should go to the 360 manual. That is why you are a comfort to many friends, be the same. One time one blogger deleted me because I had a bad friend in my list, I hardly knew them, but I said go ahead and make my day like Clint Eastwood :). Just because that person is bad, doesn’t make me bad. Another time, my whole friends were against one guy, and they asked me to do the same comment harshly against him. I told them I am not perfect, how can I demand perfection from that guy, they went away. Their moods will vary like night and day, like you said we don’t need drama like that, they will come back and haunt us the same. Good post doc. Cheers 🙂

  19. Ah yes, Fuzz. Drama. Drama Queens {and Kings}, the ones who would say OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!! It’s all very childish as you say, and I can well relate to Ms. Fussy… For her sake I’m glad that the Dark Cloud vanished. I think sometimes if we are patient enough to wait it out we’ll be rewarded. That is what works for me, anyhow. You’re correct, that blogging should be fun and enjoyable, and the day that it stops being exactly that is the day I will exit stage left from 360, forever. @@ hugs, Gloria xo

  20. Wonderful blog topic Fuzzy! I’ld try to keep this really short cos you have to a great extent, echoed my thots.

    Yes we do have many dark clouds on yahoo 360 and as such, i stay away from anyone with such tendency. So far, i have not had much contacts with dark clouds *sighs and rolls eyes* thank God for that. Honestly I stay away from Dramas no matter d close relationship i have with such friend or friends cos I have always loved healthy relationships moreso, that’s one of the reasons I am here. Bsides, 360 is meant to b fun and i think i love it that way.

  21. Yay! You all write the bestest comments! Rather than going through each and essentially saying the same thing over and over, I’ll address specific points:

    Ang, you know o’Fussy was fun to write about, so you may indeed be hearing more from her adventure book.

    Fabi, you bring up an excellent point that I wish I had included in my post: there is a HUGE difference between drama and discourse. Discussing issues, even disagreeing adamantly about issues, is NOT drama. It’s one of the things I LOVE about blogging, maybe THE thing I love about it. But as you say, ad hominem arguments (not really arguments, are they?) cross the line, and I have never allowed them to go unnoticed or uncommented on my page; I’ve even deleted some of the more ad hominem ad hominem attacks. When a dialogue turns to name-calling and other ridiculous personal attacks, I react immediately and without mercy. That’s just uncalled for. And frankly, are only resorted to by people who have either little intellect or are too governed by the emotion of an issue to think and speak rationally. Drama is not discussing or disagreeing, it’s personal attacks, gossip mongering, and school girl (usually) tactics. I’m pleased to say the immature and silly are no longer on my page. Yay! 🙂

    Gloria, no exit stage left, Chickie . . . breaks bring back the fun. I take them all the time (am in the midst of a half-break now). It’s not fun for me right now, too much else going on, but it will be again, so I’ll be Baaaaack! LOL

  22. Voot ‘Fussy’? I am very dumb sometimes. Totally unable to follow the gossip . lol. Anyway, Stop maligning people Fuzz, It’s my job!

    And I am so disappointed to see you undermine hate, envy, bitterness. These are the very things that keep us alive. Please don’t wish them away.

  23. OK, I always, always love your stuff. And I’m tuning in to this post months after its origin, because the title piqued my interest. As usual, it’s beautifully written, and you’ve depicted a phenomenon I’ve seen, too. I might even identify with the characters.

    One thing I find particularly interesting: You claim to ‘avoid drama.’ But I’m noticing that you are actually avoiding the types of drama which you find distasteful, which you apparently see as other people’s forms of drama.

    From my perspective, Yahoo 360! doesn’t exist beyond human drama. Each of us posts our version of it at every turn. Every thought, feeling and experience we have is part of the continually unfolding drama of being human. That’s how it is! And what we denigrate as another’s drama is just some version of the human story that we can’t presently appreciate.

    So that’s my 2-cents worth. And you get what you pay for. 😀

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