The lights are dim, a moody mauve . . . the music is soothing, perhaps some gentle calming scents are wafting about as you . . . wait in line to go through airport security. You will drift along, soothed and calmed by the mood lighting and mood music; you’ll be peaceful and kind as you take off your shoes, belt, jacket . . . you may even forget where you are altogether (let’s hope you don’t get carried away and strip all the way down to nothing). You’ll waft along on a hazy cloud of easy goodwill as kinder, gentler airport security murmur soothingly as they pat you down and slowly wand your body from top to bottom.
And all in the name (and I’m not joking) of spotting the sketchy traveler with terrorist mayhem in his (or, to be fair, her) heart, presumably such subhumans are immune to the whiles of the soft music and dim lighting that calm the unsavage beasts (i.e. our fellow fliers). Apparently, the Transportation Security Authority (TSA) has decided this is the next step in anti-terrorism, in upping the security of the passengers who want only to travel from point A to point B and have little to no desire to blow the plane up. There must be some study that terrorists will be sweating profusely, jittery, skittering glances around, fidgeting with their bags . . . you know, like a lot of travelers post 9/11.
Profiling the nervous and anxious is on offer, and it’s grand. Just don’t fly if you’re a nervous flier and avoid at all cost flying to funerals, interviews, or other anxiety-inducing destinations.