Many conservatives, myself included, find listening to (obviously not trying to talk to) liberals a real challenge. I think that the underlying problem is that the terms and phrases they use hold connotations that far exceed the denotation of these terms and phrases and often don’t mean anything resembling the term’s actual meaning, so I thought I’d do my part for conservatives everywhere and provide a handy reference tool of liberal language.
Abortion: What you do when you don’t want to be “punished with a baby.” This is something that should be available on demand, and may come in handy one day as a means of population control (we, the liberal “logic” goes, can manage that far better than they did in China.).
ACORN: Community-based organization who stand up against powerful corporations and force equity (prostitutes and sex traffickers have a right to earn an honest living, too! Taxes are an unfair burden on the worker, unless that worker is white and/or middle class) and fair voting practices (Mickey Mouse, 7-year-old children, and dead people should have a voice, too!).
Angry Mobs: See Extremists.
Bush, George W.: A handy straw man for all libs from the president to the hippy dippy chick who hangs out at the park. President Bush is solely responsible for all of the following: national deficit, national debt, all American wars, poverty, racism, Hurricane Katrina, flu vaccine shortage (circa 2004), the hate that people around the world have for America,
global warming climate change, the 9/11 attacks on America, not reacting enough to the 9/11 attacks, over-reacting to the 9/11 attacks, fascism, economic collapse (both here and in other countries around the world), the 10.2% unemployment rate reported this week, HIV/AIDS, and greed. I’m sure there are other wonders he performed, but I can’t think of them now. The key to understanding this one is to understand that if anything is wrong, be it national, international, or within your own home, President Bush is solely and personally responsible. On the flip side, he is also an imbecile, incompetent, and a bumbling bumpkin who can’t find his nose with both hands and a mirror. (This is not inconsistent, See Intellectuals)
Carbon Footprint: An invention designed to allow the government (of individual nations, presently, but the U. N. and BO are working on a lovely “global government”) to dictate everything from how much energy corporations use to what products you buy and how you live. Carbon footprints are purported to be causing global warming, but there are two problems with this. The planet is not warming, it’s cooling (See Climate Change), and CO2 does not contribute to climate change at all, let alone to the nonexistent “global warming.”
Choice: This is when you stack the deck against someone and tell them they have a “choice.” BO, for example, says that the coal industry can stay in business or pay taxes that will bankrupt them. Choice, for liberals, means you do what we want or you do this other thing that will bankrupt you, land you in jail, or entail huge taxes and fines. This is a tactic that was used in the Old South to ensure that black people could not vote: Sure, you can vote, you just have to pass this literacy exam first (at a time when black people being able to read and write was illegal, so they either didn’t know how to do so, or if they did, they would have to reveal that they had broken a law in order to vote. Choice.).
Climate Change: (formerly, “Global Warming.” This term, however, had an unfortunate hiccup: it’s dead wrong.) Used by liberals to push “green jobs” (see Social Justice, Environmental Justice) and a global government. Based on faulty science and pure fantasy (see Al Gore), this is a political ploy being wielded to control people, undermine both democracy and capitalism, and to garner great piles of money for its proponents (See Wealth). “Climate Change” is the term that is currently catching on among liberals, but some of the “global warming” terminology is still sticking. This causes a problem for many thinking people (i.e. not liberals) because, for instance, the claim is that CO2 contributes to global warming (See Carbon Footprint) and much of the rhetoric about CO2 is still in place and still being used in attempt to redistribute wealth and expand government control (while relinquishing the sovereignty of America). We can expect the “take” on CO2 to catch up soon, but for now, CO2 still contributes to global warming, even as the term is now “climate change.”
Common Good: This is used by liberals to give the impression that they are high minded and moral (don’t laugh, they think we buy it). The “common good” is their justification for expanding government and centralizing all power in the government (See Democracy) and is naively believed by citizen liberals (those not in power). This is important because the “common good” is certainly not about the “common” person; it’s about the good of the government and liberal leaders (I think they polled “Totalitarian Dictatorship” and found that it didn’t go over well, so they settled on “Common Good”).
Constitution of the United States of America: An archaic document that was written by privileged white men and is best ignored, particularly by the legislative branch of the government established by and who’ve vowed to uphold said Constitution. Alternately, a sweet little text that is “living” and should be freely interpreted to mean what it clearly does not mean (See Separation of Church and State).
Democracy: A government of the government, by the government, and for the government. (They use the term to mean this with a straight face, if you can imagine.)
Dissent: Permitted and defended only if one is dissenting against a conservative politician / president. Not recognized as a conservative right (see Extremists).
Double Standard: Does not compute.
Enemy Combatants: This term and its “brother,” “terrorists,” are deemed politically incorrect and should not be used. They unfairly paint the perpetrators of “man-caused disasters” as bad people (See Man-caused Disasters). They are not bad people. They are merely misunderstood, economically-challenged, righteously angry with America because it’s the worst nation on the face of the earth, and/or have a right to express their religious views via bombing and shooting people they don’t like (the only religious views that cannot be expressed are those of Christians. See God, Extremists.).
Environmental Justice: The use of “green” jobs to impose “social justice.” This also has the added bonus of providing a means of toppling our capitalist economy. See Social Justice.
Equality: This is achieved by reinforcing and perpetuating racial, gendered, and every other form of oppression. This can be done in several ways, but the most popular is to continue defining people by their race, gender, etc. and offering them government money to stay in socio-economically deprived circumstances. It is often done by people of the same race, gender, etc. who themselves have become very wealthy as a result of their work for equality (See Wealth).
Extremists: White, (usually) middle-aged, tax paying Americans who express dissent by gathering peacefully and waving American flags and/or holding up hand-made signs. These are Americans who do not believe in big government, who are veterans of our military, who are opposed to abortion and/or gay marriage, and who are likely to be Christian. These are people who say vile things like “you lie” to people who are telling lies.
Fear Tactics: This term applies to conservative discussions of terrorism (this is not a “real” threat to liberals. See Terrorism). This term does not apply to liberal discussions of healthcare reform (we’re all about to die in the street) or of climate change (we’re all about to burn up, er, um, destroy the planet which is now cooling after a warming trend that nearly destroyed the planet but now we’re all going to freeze to death in the streets or be turned into peoplecicles at any moment).
Free Speech: This is something to be viewed with suspicion and limited as deemed necessary to ensure non-dilution of the liberal agenda. Not something to be tolerated unless the “free speech” is espousing pro-communist, pro-socialist, pro-dictator, pro-terrorist, and / or pro-BO viewpoints. Anything else should be outlawed as “hate speech” and “unpatriotic.” Liberal free speech protects things like “Bush is the disease Death is the cure” but Town Hall goers who raise their voices are deemed potentially violent and “scary.”
God: The only thing that keeps people free and gives them the power, will, and strength to stand up against injustice; therefore, it must be eliminated in order to pave the way for the fascist regime liberals need to best impose their bizarre social and political agenda. Also, the fantasy of ignorant people.
Gore, Al: Enviro-nutjob who won the Nobel Prize (the Nobel Committee gives them out like candy for anything that pushes an agenda of which they approve–even if it’s untrue and unfounded–and for potential). His claim to fame is the film Inconvenient Truth which is full of inconsistencies and outright lies. A big proponent of the polar bears, Gore claims that the fact that the polar bear populations are increasing is a sure sign of their endangerment (this was a popular strategy before the enviro-kooks had to acknowledge that the earth has entered a cooling period: the earth is cooling, and that proves “Global Warming” is a threat. Uh huh.). He does not, of course, do anything to minimize his own “carbon footprint”: this is probably because he knows that it wouldn’t make any difference (See Carbon Footprint).
Hate Speech: Any word, phrase, or statement that questions or challenges the liberal fantasy that white Christians are the bane of the world. This includes observations that radical Muslims have declared war on the west in general and America in particular, statements of Christian faith (up to and including the mere mention of the word “God”), and opposition to gay marriage, abortion, climate change legislation, and other liberal pet causes. Hate Speech is never carried out by non-Christians or non-whites (this is important because Muslim terrorists are simply “under pressure” or “scared,” while white supremacists, or even ordinary white conservatives who pay their taxes (etc), are clearly engaging in hate speech and anything they do is certainly, one hundred and ten percent rooted in their ideology and religion and as such is always considered “terrorism” (this word, like “racist,” is being minimized through over- and mis-use).
Intellectuals: Anyone who is a liberal. This is the replacement for true intellectual engagement and is usually accompanied by bizarre declarations, an inability to tackle a topic of debate without resorting to ad hominem attacks and other logical fallacies, and a convoluted way of thinking that allows for the contradictions in liberal thought by essentially ignoring them (see Hate Speech, Free Speech, Extremists, Fear Tactics . . . hell, see all entries.).
Landslide Victory: This is when a liberal wins an election. It does not mean, as one might think, that they won by a large margin. Consider the 2008 presidential election: BO won with 53% of the popular vote to McCain’s 46%. This is a landslide victory. Consider the 1980 presidential election: Ronald Reagan won with 50.7% of the popular vote to Carter’s 41%. This was NOT a landslide victory.
Man-caused Disasters: The term used to describe the act of killing innocent people, usually en masse . . . as long as said act was perpetrated by a “misunderstood” and “victimized” person of another race or religion.
[You will, by now, recognize the pattern of elitism in liberal speak and in liberal ideology. Liberals think themselves superior to all others. This is why they believe so firmly in total government control: the people cannot be trusted to know what is best for them, only the government, as long as it’s run by liberals, is wise enough. This belief leads them to be indulgent of possible weakness and myriad failings in “other” groups . . . much like one might indulge a not-so-bright child. Yes, it’s completely out of line with what liberals purport regarding equality, but everything they say and do reflects their belief that everyone is inferior to them and because of this we must make allowances. Like when you get a new puppy and it pees on the floor. You don’t condemn the idiot mutt because it doesn’t know any better; instead, you kind of smile indulgently, shake your head, and swat it on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. You’ll get it in line in no time, poor stupid pooch that it is.]
Nazis: See Extremists.
Party of “No,” The: This is what democrats call republicans and reflects their Alinsky-based belief that if you say something often enough, it will be believed by the unthinking masses (keep in mind that to liberals, the great unwashed masses are not useful except in the process of voting as they are told; liberals have no regard for people as people and happily manipulate them in a variety of ways, many of which are touched upon throughout this post). The unfortunate thing is that this say it often enough and the idiots will believe it approach works. Very well. Many liberals will watch you speak (waiting for their turn, not actually listening) and then claim that you didn’t say what you just said. Example: Republicans have been offering numerous, common sense solutions to the problems with our country’s healthcare system, and Democrats respond with “but you offer no solutions, you just say “no,” with “you obviously want to retain the status quo,” or “you’re just saying ‘no’ for political reasons.” In other words, this is simply a smoke and mirror strategy designed to ridicule and marginalize conservatives in general and Republicans in particular; it has no basis in fact.
Polar Bears: The former poster-animal for the former-Global Warming movement. Claims of declining polar bear populations have been recently and resoundingly debunked, but still a popular cuddly figure to tug the heart-strings of people who believe anything they are told.
Rape: This is something that is acceptable as long as it’s done by a middle-aged “genius” to a little girl he’s drugged and includes more than forced vaginal sex. This is not to be confused with “rape rape” which by all accounts is worse than a disgusting pedophile raping a child (and probably involves conservatives in some way).
Racist: A once-powerful derogatory term used to silence all forms of dissent. However, in recent years (er, this year), the term has been bandied around so much that it no longer has any meaning at all. This is a shame because racism (real racism, not simply you don’t agree with me so you must be racist) is a horrible thing.
Redistribution of Wealth: The “fair” taking of money from one group (earners) and giving it to another group (non-earners). Usually accomplished through a combination of taxation and entitlement programs and also known as socialism.
Sedition: This usually means advocating a (usually violent) overthrow of or revolution against the established government of a country. For liberals, this is a charge made against people who express dissent in our (for the time being) free society. People waving signs about “revolution,” however, are exercising their right to free speech (See Free Speech).
Separation of Church and State: This is the only part of the Constitution that liberals like (See Constitution of the United States of America). It doesn’t really matter to them that it’s not actually IN the Constitution, however. It’s a convenient way to remove all evidence of God and Christianity from our society, leaving us godless and powerless to fight their immoral take over of our country (this is what they think, anyway, my guess is that we’re about to prove them very very wrong on that score).
Single-payer System: This is a nice way of saying “nationalized” (i.e. under complete government control) healthcare. It means that the healthcare system is run by and funded by the federal government (which, in its turn, is funded by tax payers). It is a failed system that has never worked, but this does not stop far left liberals from embracing it and trying to force it on the American people by hiding their true agenda. (You may wonder why, if it’s so wonderful, they don’t just stand up and explain their position and let the merits of the system convince the American people, but that would make you a thinking person, and these are neither tolerated nor recognized by liberals. Their success lies the fact that their adherents do not think for themselves. See Intellectuals.)
Social Justice: This term is very popular among liberals, particularly though not exclusively among liberals of color. This term refers to the need to topple the current American economic system and give power and money to black and brown people as a means of compensating for slavery and other unspecified but vehemently espoused atrocities against people of color (See Intellectuals, only liberals can be vehement about something they can’t support with actual evidence or logic).
“Support Our Troops”: This is most commonly a false facade designed to make liberals feel better about themselves. It usually means empty statements of “support our troops” and nothing else. It always means that they oppose the troops’ mission and vote down any and all funding for said troops, leaving them with insufficient protection in terms of numbers, shoddy equipment, and a flattened morale. There are, however, some liberals who do not “support our troops” and who shout at them that they are rapists and “baby killers.” And there are other liberals who “support our troops” by supporting their murder. Nice.
Taxes: Taxes are for other people (note Charlie Rangel, BO’s many cabinet nominations) and are used to support a range of entitlement programs, shady organizations (See ACORN), and for very important studies of mold. They are also useful in acquiring private industries and expanding government control. Liberals believe that because “America is the wealthiest nation in the world,” we have an unlimited supply of taxable people. This is an ideal situation for them because they usually either don’t pay taxes (too poor or too rich) or exempt themselves within the legislation they write; they also don’t seem to recognize that the scale is tipping, with fewer and fewer Americans actually paying taxes. There are all kinds of taxes, and it’s always fun to “keep a campaign promise” about not raising taxes and then explaining that you meant income tax as you systematically add new taxes on everything from gum and cigarettes to every product or service (this one is still pending and is called a VAT tax, which is not a tax at all. Really.). “Tax” is a word that liberals don’t fully understand or that they claim is for the “common good” (See Common Good).
Terrorism: This is perpetrated by extremists (See Extremists). This does not apply to people who kill mass numbers of people, nor does it apply to people who bomb or otherwise blow up things like buildings, people, markets, and U. S. embassies or naval vessels. When these latter acts are committed, they are called “man-made disasters.” Terrorism is used by liberals only to describe the actions of white, Christian conservative Americans (up to and including President Bush).
Terrorists: See Enemy Combatants.
Transparency: This is something that liberals use to get elected, demand from others, but reject as applying to them. This is rather typical of liberals, who see themselves above the “little” people whom they control, oppress, and dominate (See Taxes, Racists, Free Speech, etc.).
Voter Fraud: An acceptable means of enabling liberal victory in elections. Used increasingly often by groups such as ACORN (who are usually under investigation for voter fraud, but that’s okay, because they are a liberal organization) and in conjunction with the Democratic Party and justified by a self-righteous sense that they know what is best for the country (see Common Good, Democracy).
Wealth: This is something that liberals loathe, unless it is their own wealth. Prominent liberals from Reverend Wright to BO to Michael Moore to Charlie Rangel have made millions exploiting the capitalist system they claim to abhor, but this is okay (likewise, Wall Street bankers are hated by liberals . . . unless his name is Corzine.).