Dear Radical Progressives,
Hi there, my name is Fuzzy, and I’m a patriot, tax payer, free citizen of these United States. I wanted to take a few moments to explain a few things to those of you on the shrill, hate-filled, mean-spirited, thoroughly loony far far left, things that I’m pretty sure you cannot grasp, but I will try nonetheless.
1. Calling Tea Party patriots vile and crude names is (well, yes, vile and crude, but also) silly. You explode our numbers with your out of touch ridicule, that darned Alinsky magic just isn’t working anymore. And you know why? Because we get it. You think we’re wing nuts, whackos, blah blah blah. Shrug.
For your crazy, hate-filled raging to make any difference at all, two things would need to be true: I.) That we care, and by this I mean, that we are bothered enough by and/or shamed by your name-calling into stopping our resistance, into slinking into some PC “time out” corner. Oops, we’re not. And II.) That you are making a difference to our detriment, and by this I mean that you are attracting an audience for and succeeding in your attempts to marginalize and demonize us. Oops, you’re not. You’re sitting in an enormous, once-overflowing auditorium, spewing venom, and you don’t seem to notice that a steady stream of people are filing out and rejecting your message.
2. Sit down and take a deep breath, this one may sting: Saying that we are “against change” is not an insult. It’s simple fact: we own it and are proud of it. We are against “change.” We think that your brand of “change” is not only restrictive, anti-American, and substantively socialist but that it’s also exceedingly dangerous to this country and to its people.
Your “accusing” us that we are against “change” is like “accusing” someone of being patriotic or of loving their family or their God. You sound thoroughly silly when you say it. So yeah, I’m against “change.” Very much so. And?
By the way, all the variations of this–that we want the status quo, that we want to “go back”/”regress,” etc.–are not only untrue but equally ineffective. As always with progs, the only way forward is your way, and as I’ve just explained, we reject progressive “change” and the horrifying “fundamental transformation of America” that you have in mind.
3. Thinking that it’s a hurtful “accusation” that we want to block/obstruct/just say “no” to healthcare “reform.” Silly rabbits. Of course we want to block it. It’s a complete disaster and will do nothing but explode costs and raise taxes, while vastly expanding the size, power, scope, and reach of government. Not something I want to see happen. There are a few good things in the healthcare bills in the House and Senate. Take them out, type them up neatly on a page or two, run it through the CBO, and then we can talk about portability and tort reform. As is? We oppose it, want to block it, say “no” to it, and will do all we can to obstruct its passage. Yay us!
4. Blaming Bush is silly. With each passing day, we miss him more and more. All you are doing is making us rather nostalgic for a decisive, principled leader who loved this country and worked day and night to keep us safe. Whatever his faults, he wasn’t a menace to our national security, to our individual freedoms, or to our Constitution.
Honestly, though, I think that this strategy (like the others I’ve mentioned) is doing our side more good than it’s done for yours. Every time someone in his administration or BO himself blames Bush, BO looks petty, unwilling to take responsibility, and sniveling. He also looks out of touch, in denial, and like the amateur he is. I can live with that.
5. Bashing Beck and Limbaugh . . . well, okay, I kind of have fun bashing your insipid, spiteful duo of hate, but at the end of the day . . . our guys sell more books, reach more people, and have higher ratings than your two. Now, I know you’re fond of saying that we are “brain washed by” or programmed by Beck and Limbaugh (or Fox), but the truth is (again, this may sting), they aren’t creating our values and beliefs, they reflect them. Well, for the most part, I think Beck goes too far and don’t listen to Limbaugh, but generally speaking, I know I watch Fox because they more closely reflect my conservative values and not for my daily dose of brain washing. So, the high book sales, high ratings, and larger audience are indicative of the fact that more Americans identify as conservative than liberal and that we are a center-right country. Bashing Beck and Limbaugh doesn’t change that.
BTW, really sad to hear about Air America going bankrupt, but then, who really wants to listen to screeching, illogical progs? Apparently, not even other screeching, illogical progs and certainly not normal, patriotic liberals, moderates, and conservatives.
6. Raging against Sarah Palin is, again, silly. You may not have noticed this, but she’s not a politician any longer. She’s a best-selling author and contributor on Fox. We like her a lot, but what’s the point in going after her now? Petty, confused, foaming at the mouth, rabid little rabbits. We know she scared you, we know that her nomination for VP sent BO into one of his first petty stuttering tail spins, but to keep on now . . . well, what can I say? It’s silly. And ineffective.
7. Most of us believe in God. Yes. And?
8. We don’t believe that global warming, or whatever you’re calling it these days, is man-caused or that enormous taxes and a global government would solve the problem if it were a problem. Which it’s not. We know this. Heck, even you know this. Too bad about ClimateGate and the “faulty” data about the disappearing glaciers, you must be heart broken that the earth isn’t in crisis . . . or that you can’t scare people with that silliness any longer, as it’s quite clear now, that the people who were trumpeting this loudest knew it was a hoax. So, sure call us “flat earthers” or whatever nonsense you like. You’re not getting anywhere with that . . . no matter how much data you “fudge,” delete, and bury.
9. We don’t hate our country, we are proud of it. Why is that a problem for so many of you? This is the strangest one of all to me. As Americans, why would you bash your own country, focus exclusively on mistakes (past and present), and try to destroy it? Honestly, this is not even a problem with what you say about us (like “oooh, you love America” is anything but a compliment); what I don’t understand is why on earth you would imagine this is a bad thing.
You may have noticed a trend here. Almost everything you accuse us of is not only true but something that we take pride in. The days of silencing and shaming us or attacking and marginalizing us are over. Sorry. I’m sure it was great fun for you while it lasted. But tides have turned, things have changed, and your bullying attacks are now merely laughable.
You see, we mostly think you’re kind of funny . . . a little sad and rather pathetic, but funny. So go on, keep telling it like it is: We do believe in a power greater than a government or a mere man (mmm mmm mmm!), we want limited government and opportunity for all, we are proud to oppose “change” as defined by and enacted by this administration, we support free market capitalism, we support and will defend our Constitution, we will resist any and all efforts to “transform” us into a European nation or a utopian nightmare, and we are damn proud to be Americans, citizens of the greatest country on this earth.
Fuzzy, a patriot and a proud American opposed to “change”
P. S. I probably won’t be writing to you again. You see, it’s dawned on me that while you’re making lots of noises, you are losing. Losing power, losing the upper hand, and losing the war you’ve declared on this country. You won quite a few battles, but they were mostly Pyrrhic victories centered on overloading the system, removing God from our public lives, taking over our classrooms, silencing and demonizing us, and debasing our nation and its people. That sounds like a lot, and will take some time to rebuild and fix. And sure, we let you get pretty far along. But here’s what we know that you don’t (and I don’t mind telling you because your hubris, your belief in your own lies about us, will not allow you to hear, much less understand this, but): We. Will. Win. This. War.
And after we do, we will remain vigilant, informed, and ready to respond to any signs that you are regrouping and starting another 100-year siege on our nation. If you do, we’ll stop you, and we’ll win that war, too. It’s over. Your parting gift is that we’ll allow you to continue living here, in our midst. Be thankful.