May 25, 2010
Plugging That Hole, A Teachable Moment
In an uncharacteristic display of emotion over the horrors of what Big Oil is doing to our precious planet following the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico, President Obama ordered his team to “plug the damn hole.” This show of strength and decisiveness was breathtaking (indeed, one of my colleagues swooned). Eager to meet the president’s expectations that the hole, damned by the president himself, be plugged, the administration began working with congressional democrats to craft an emergency act that will entail allocating several trillion dollars in taxpayer monies.
The EPA and Janet Napolitano–the latter after being shown a map with the world’s oceans, seas, and gulfs to ensure she arrived at the correct body of water–are overseeing the plugging of the hole with ten dollar bills. Originally, the plan was to use one dollar bills, but when Republicans pointed out that this idea was, what they called, “ludicrous,” the administration, in yet another attempt to work with these obstinate obstructionists, decided to use tens as a compromise.
The operation is expected to begin immediately, and America’s children are being asked to break open their piggy banks and exchange all monies for ten dollar bills and send them to the EPA to help with this tricky operation. This, the president announced, would build moral fiber and be an “investment in a cleaner world.”
26 May 2010
The Unbearable Lightness of Being CIC
There has been some backlash against the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces not attending the traditional Memorial Day ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery. The hate-mongering Republicans and astroturf “Tea Party” people obviously didn’t hear President Obama’s marvelous remarks when he announced that he was sending 30,000 troops to Afghanistan. He made it very clear that he did not take that decision lightly and that he appreciates the sacrifice and dedication of the troops. He said it. Republicans ignore what he said and focus instead on his actions. Not only is this a sign, well-known and documented, of racism, but it’s also another in a long line of near-seditious critiques of the best president we’ve ever had.
The president’s job, as he tells us often, is to work for the “common good.” As one source close to the White House explains, “the president sees these ceremonies as outdated and is setting new and exciting presidential precedent by downplaying his public role as CIC; after all, this war-mongering role besmirches one who has evolved to the level that our exalted president has achieved and is unbearable to he who prefers not to interact directly with the military except for photo ops.”
28 May 2010
World International Order: Obama Leads By Example
Following the success of President Calderon’s plan for American response to the illegal immigration issue on our southern border, President Obama has now put President Kim Jong Il in charge of America’s nuclear disarmament and Osama bin Laden in charge of America’s
war on terror Islamic Outreach Program. This announcement was enthusiastically met by Democrats who leapt to their feet to applaud the move. They then began an interesting dance on the floor of the Senate that looked like a cross between SNL’s Church Lady’s “superior dance” and the Macarena, a true melding of cultures.
The festive mood was heightened as the president (Obama) announced that talks are underway to offer Hugo Chavez the job of overseeing our economy and that President Ahmadinejad is being tapped to lead negotiations with Israel on behalf of the United States. These moves, the administration believes, will not only open a dialogue with the great leaders of our time but will also model the “open” international order that the president promotes. President Obama is urging other world leaders to follow his lead.