Fuzzy’s Faux News: Following the President’s Lead

20 June 2010

In the wake of President Obama’s skillful political maneuvers relating to his refusal to secure the borders until he gets the votes he needs for amnesty for illegals, fire stations across the nation are eagerly following suit.  Given that the Commander in Chief and President of the United States has found this such an effective tactic, these firefighters are refusing to put out fires until they get a list of demands met.  This trend began this weekend, when fire fighters in one small California town decided that they needed a shiny new fire engine with special water nozzles that restrict the wasteful use of water in putting out fires.  Asserting that “what works for the President will work for us,” the Fire Chief assured this reporter that they refuse only to put out fires in unoccupied commercial buildings at this time but that they may “up the ante” if they don’t get their new fire truck.

21 June 2010

Working on the president’s model and following his lead, law enforcement officials across the nation are deciding which laws they would like to enforce and which they prefer not to enforce.  Citing ICE’s decision not to follow up on illegal immigrants turned in by any authority in Arizona, one Police Chief, who asked to remain anonymous, said that there are “bunches of laws on the books that are just darned silly” and that the police under his command are no longer enforcing.

22 June 2010

A Massachusetts police official, citing the example of the U. S. Labor Secretary’s decision to help illegal aliens receive the pay they deserve, has directed his officers to “assist when they can” in the execution of non-violent crimes.  For example, in the wake of a recent horrible incident in which an acquirer (this is the new term for the stigma-producing terms “burglar” and “thief”) wrenched his back trying to carry–single-handedly!–a large screen television set from a dwelling that was not his own, police officers are directed to  help “any individual who appears to be struggling with heavy stolen goods.”

There are no plans at this time to begin assisting in violent crimes, but Bay State police are directed to “use their judgment” in which laws they like and are “in the mood” to enforce at any given time.  One official states that he is looking into a new policy that would allow his police officers to ask for money and goods before responding to a 911 call.  “After all,” he observes, “if the President can hold out on law enforcement and cherry pick the laws he wants to enforce and for what price, we can, too!”

23 June 2010

Massachusetts, long-heralded as a forerunner in progressive thought, has pending legislation that will set up a hot line for nonviolent criminals to contact law enforcement officials for assistance in heavy-lifting acquisitions from homes and businesses that are not the acquirer’s own.  Once set up, anyone wishing to get help with heavy, potentially physically-stressful activities such as carrying heavy appliances, furniture, and the like to their getaway vehicle can phone in and assistance will be guaranteed “in 30 minutes or less” or the city will pay for the vehicle rental on that job.  “The Commonwealth,” stated the governor, “can no longer afford to provide health care to the victims of heavy-lifting acquisition jobs, so we are going to do our part for the people of the Bay State who have, until now, been hurt and confused by their former status as ‘criminals’.”

.
.

.

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “Fuzzy’s Faux News: Following the President’s Lead

  1. I love your faux news.

    A friend of mine had his business burgled. One of the thieves hurt himself during the burglary and is suing my friend. Yes, that is a true story and yes, it is in the People's Republic of California.

  2. Fuzzy,

    I know here in Florida the only thing an “acquirer” at my house will acquire is a couple of rounds of 00 Buck!

    Lock & Load!!!

    Sons & Daughters of America Unite!!!

    PS: I love your “Faux News”! It made my day!

  3. @ Born Again, heh, thanks!

    @ Bastiatarian, heh

    @ Janelle, thanks πŸ™‚

    @ Candle, hee! And yep, alas, we do. The thing he wants to acquire is this country, and there are plenty of people helping him out.

    @ Matt, Thanks πŸ™‚ Yes, it is the logic we are facing. And it's scary as hell.

    @ Kingshamus, really? omg! Well, they say that satire “works” because it can all too easily be envisioned, is the logical, if exaggerated, extension of what is actually happening.

    @ L, lol, good for you! And how are things down there, by the way? Be good to get a report from you guys as you're there. And thanks πŸ˜€

    @ commoncents, thanks! πŸ™‚

    @ WHT, yes, and we have a president who refused to do his job. The situation is dire.

What say you?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s