Okay, so I’m reading an article about how the lunatic fringe is now saying that the uprising in Egypt is caused by (get this) global warming. Really. They’re saying that. And it got me thinking about how MO was trying to convince us that childhood obesity is a national security threat (but not streams of murderers, rapists, drug dealers, and assorted criminals, including terrorists, flowing across our border–oh, no, that’s not a national security threat: that’s wonderful. Fat kids, though, they’re going to be our downfall.). At least MO is trying to “work it” by tying her pet project into something she thinks will appeal to the center-right nation her husband
rules “leads.” You know, like Time trying to make BO into Reagan. (Heh, I can’t type that without laughing.)
So I thought maybe we should try that, too. Let’s make our common sense solutions and worldview sound like something the lefties will embrace.
Smaller government: The massive, sprawling monstrosity of a government that we have is harming the planet. It’s destroying trees by the acre in memos and bills and laws . . . oh my! It’s spitting out untold amounts of [insert whatever that stuff is that the lefties fear so much, something to do with a carbon footprint] because every time some mid-level government official wants to travel, even across town, they have to crank up massive gas guzzlers. And think of all the electricity they use each and every day, even to charge their brand new Volts. I can practically hear the earth shuddering under the burden of so many useless bureaucracies.
Lower taxes: Workers’ money is and should be their own; it’s a basic human right to keep our own earnings. Taking our livelihood to fuel (literally!) the federal government is a violation of working Americans’ rights. Heck, just printing out reams of tax booklets every year has to cost millions. Wouldn’t it be kinder to our planet if we had a simple tax code that didn’t require the cold-blooded murder of trees to meet?
Out of control legislative, executive, and heck, throw in the judicial branch: we need regulation of these bodies. Regulation is the cornerstone of our massive government, and if we could just get . . . oh, I don’t know, each of the three branches to regulate the other two, wouldn’t that be great? And transparent? And robust?
Judeo-Christian culture: Just like Islam! Religions with God in them and everything. Billions of Christians and Jews in the world deserve to worship as they wish and in peace. We’re victims. We’re being marginalized and silenced. The horror! Woe is us. Poor poor us. We are sad and abused and . . . something else that is pathetic. With Christmas being banned across the world, we have to make our own ornaments for our trees, and this one lady–so nice, a real human rights’ activist and person who condemned seal pup beatings–had to use her dead sister’s teeth to decorate her tree! Imagine that. So tragic.
Okay. Maybe not.