I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I want you to believe that I “get” America. So I’m here to announce that I “get” America. See? I “get” it. I said it. I’ll even say, “one nation, under God” or something, I think it’s from some Founders’ document from 20 centuries ago. Or something. And remember how Lincoln founded the Republican Party? Or something. Not too sure about that, to be honest. But erm, ugh, I “get” America. Did I mention that already? I do. I really really do. Listen: I “get” America. See? There, I said it.
So here’s my plan. I’m going to . . . um, erm do stuff. Stuff I already said I’d do. Some stuff I said I’d not do. You’ll notice I’m not calling it the same thing, see? That’s the difference. See how I’ve grown and can adapt? See how I’m not entrenched in proven failed policies? It’s all about what you call it. I get that. Um, just like I “get” America. Remember me saying that? It’s true. I “get” America. So anyway, back to my fabulous “save America” (which I “get,” btw): it’s all stuff that um, some Republicans and some Democrats have supported. You know, in the past. Sure, things were different then. The American economy was better, unemployment numbers were lower, and well, sure, the deficit wasn’t crippling then, the debt not insane. Okay, sure, people weren’t paying attention then. But you know what? None of that matters because, um, Republicans once agreed to it, sure, under different circumstances, with different voter feedback, but um, well, it’s still binding. You know. Somehow. Because. Um, it is. You know, binding. Pass it now. Don’t bother reading it. There’s no time. It’s urgent. It must be done now.
Um, I’ll tell you how I’m paying for it later. You know how I postponed this speech on jobs, my fifth “pivot” to jobs in 2.5 years, until after my vacay? Well, same thing, it’s truly urgent, it matters now. Pass it now. Pass it yesterday.
I’ll tell you in ten or so days how I’ll pay for it (mostly with gimmicks, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I “get” America.).
And it IS paid for. Just like ObamaCare would never add a single dime to the deficit and you’d get to keep your own insurance and illegal immigrants / abortion wouldn’t be covered. It’s just like that.
So, um, American people–I “get” you, I really really do, I’ve said it like three times now–um, tell your Congressmen and women to stop obstructing my same, tired, failed plan for fundamental transformation. I’m going to go on the road with this act, to all 57 or 58 states, whatever. And I need you to, um, be, you know, fired up. Really. It’s about me, um, you, the people of America. And I so “get” America. Really. I do.
God bless me. Um, America. Which I “get.” I do. Reaaaaally, I doooooo.