Glenn Beck’s Questions for #OWS (and How I Think They’d Answer)

On yesterday’s show, Glenn Beck asked a lot of pertinent questions of the OWS crowd and challenged both them and us to answer them.  We know the answers, so I thought it would be fun to don a commie “revolutionary” hat and answer them as I imagine the self-obsessed “Gimme!” lunatics would:

WHO STARTED OCCUPY WALL STREET?
>> WHO IS THE FATHER OF OWS?
>> HOW DID THIS MOVEMENT START?
>> WHO PLANNED THIS EVENT?

Answer to all of the above:   me, me, me!

>> WHO IS PAYING FOR THE MADISON AVENUE MARKETING FIRM? THE NEWSPAPERS? THE FLYERS?

Kind, sympathetic billionaires comrades who support our cause.

>> WHAT ROLE DID SEIU PLAY IN THE PLANNING OF THIS EVENT?
>> WHO IS STEPHEN LEARNER?
>> WHO IS VAN JONES?
>> WHAT IS THE CENTER FOR AMERICAN PROGRESS?
>> WHO IS GEORGE SOROS?
>> WHAT IS HIS RELATIONSHIP TO CAP?

Who? What? Huh?  George Bush!!!  The Koch brothers!!! Fox News lies!!!

>> IS HE A CRONY CAPITALIST?
>> DOES HE PAY HIS FAIR SHARE?
>> IS HE GETTING RICH OFF OF THE CORRUPT SYSTEM OF WALL STREET SPECULATION?
>> HOW DOES HE MAKE HIS MONEY?
>> HE MADE $7 BILLION DOLLARS LAST YEAR PERSONALLY THROUGH HIS HEDGE FUND AND INVESTMENTS — IS THAT OKAY? IF YES, WHY? IF NO, WHY?

We don’t know. We don’t think about this because we haven’t been told to.  We don’t care.  Down with capitalism.  Um, except Soros.  Whoever he is.

ECONOMY
>> NAME THE TIME IN HISTORY THE GLOBAL ECONOMY COLLAPSED (AS IT IS SHAPING UP TO DO NOW)
>> IF YOU CANNOT… PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME… WHY NOT?

We will be making history.  Yay us! Yay destroying the global economy and all that entails (none of which we’ve thought about).

>> IF YOU WERE TO PLAN A GLOBAL ECONOMIC COLLAPSE – HOW LONG WOULD IT TAKE BETWEEN THE CORRUPT SYSTEM WE CURRENTLY HAVE AND THE NEW SYSTEM YET TO BE CREATED?

Who cares?  As long as capitalism is gone, all will be sunshine, unicorns, sweetness and light.  We’ll have fabulous “general assemblies” and decide by finger wiggles what system to have, then we’ll do it without oil, money, technology, or anything in any way related to capitalism and evil corporations.  It will be glorious living naked and starving in a world that cannot function on any but the most base level of mob rule.  Yay chaos and disorder and wiggle-finger democracy!!!

>> WOULD THERE BE UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES?

Huh?

>> COULD PEOPLE DIE?
>> IF NONE, WHY?

Well, yeah, people will die, but death is a part of the beautiful design of life.  People starving to death are beautiful.  As long as it’s not me, of course.  THOSE starving to death people are beautiful.  Me?  I’ll eat them.  Yay democratic cannibalism!!! 

>> IF YES, ESTIMATE HOW MANY — AND HOW DO YOU JUSTIFY THOSE DEATHS?

Bush killed more people in one day than we’ll kill once the global economy crashes.  So there!

>> BY COLLAPSING THE SYSTEM (WALL STREET) AND CAUSING ECONOMIC CHAOS – HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU DIFFERENT THAN ONE OF THE CORPORATIONS YOU ARE PROTESTING?

It . . . just does.  We voted on our exemption from blame by finger-wiggling democratic consensus (don’t confuse us by pointing out that consensus is not democratic).  So there!

FAIR SHARE:
AGREED: PEOPLE SHOULD PAY THEIR FAIR SHARE IN TAXES.
QUESTIONS
>>WHAT IS THAT NUMBER? WHAT IS FAIR?

This is a stupid question.  “Fair share” is perfectly clear and needs no clarification to make it more clearly clear than it clearly already is as clear as a clear clear day.  Sheesh!  Just because you asked that question, I’m going to poop on a cop car!  So there!!!

>>IF IT’S NOT ZERO – PLEASE EXPLAIN GE (AND WHY WASN’T IMMELT ON THE RICH HOMES TOUR?)
>> WHAT ABOUT GEORGE SOROS?
>>RUSSELL SIMMONS?
>>KANYE WEST??.
>>ARE THEY WALL STREET CRIMINALS? ARE THEY NOT AN EVIL CORPORATION IN BED WITH GOV?

No.  These million- and billionaires are “good.”  Somehow.  So there!

>> CAN THERE BE GOOD PEOPLE IN AN EVIL CORPORATION? IF SO, HOW DO YOU JUDGE WHO IS WHO?

Yes, see above answer.  We judge them.  If they say they are liberals, leftists, or Democrats, we know they are “okay.”  So there!

>> GE PAYS NO INCOME TAX, THEIR CEO IS ON THE PRESIDENTS ECONOMIC COUNCIL – WHY DO YOU NOT PROTEST GE? DO YOU SUPPORT THIS PRESIDENT OR ADMINISTRATION?

Um, well, it’s like this . . . um.  Well, I hate George Bush!!!  The Koch brothers!!!! Fox News lies!!!!  So there.

>>EXPLAIN GREEN WEEK on NBC
>> IF YES IN ANY WAY…WHY?
>>IF HE IS IN BED OR EXCUSES BEHAVIOR SO BAD THAT THE SYSTEM SHOULD BE COLLAPSED SHOULDN’T HE BE DEEMED GUILTY AS WELL?
>> IF YES, EXPLAIN WHY.
>> IF YES COMPARE GE GREEN WEEK ANSWER ABOVE

Oh shut up!!!  George Bush!!!!  Beck’s a lunatic!!!!  Koch brothers!!!! Fox News lies!!!!  Down with capitalism!!!

CAPITALISM IS DESTROYING AMERICA
ROCKEFELLER, ASTOR MELLON, AND CARNEGIE ARE KNOWN AS “ROBBER BARRONS” AND WOULD PROBABLY BE TARGETS OF OCCUPY WALL STREET.
>>WHO BUILT THE LINCOLN CENTER FOR PERFORMING ARTS?
>> WHO BUILT MOMA?
>> THE NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY?
>> CARNEGIE HALL?
>> CARNAGE MELLON UNIVERSITY
>> THE NATIONAL GALLERY OF ART?
>> WHAT IS THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN ROCKEFELLER CENTER AND COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY?
>> DOES THIS MEAN CAPITALISM HELPED COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY?
>>HOW DID CAPITALISM HELP COLUMBIA?
>>DOES CAPITALISM HELP OR HURT COLUMBIA TODAY?

What?  That’s stoooooooopid!!!  We don’t need . . . um, museums, art galleries, or universities. Um, wait.  Arggghhhhh.  Down with capitalism!!!!  Bush sucks!!!!  Eat the cracka babies of the rich!!!!

OBAMA ADMINISTRATION:
>> DOES YOUR UNIVERSITY SUPPORT THIS ADMINISTRATION AND ITS POLICIES?

Yes, yes, yes!!!

>> DID YOU OR THOSE YOU ARE WITH VOTE OR CAMPAIGN FOR THIS PRESIDENT IN THE PAST?
>> ARE YOU CAMPAIGNING FOR HIM NOW?

Yes, yes, yes!!!!

>> IF SO, ARE YOU BETRAYING YOUR IDEALS BY HELPING SOMEONE WHO HAS COMPROMISED ON IMPORTANT ANTI-CORRUPTION PRINCIPLES?

Shut up!!!! That’s stooooooopid.  Beck’s a freak!!!!  Down with Fox News!!!! Koch brothers!!! War for oil!!!!

>> IF HE HAS NOT DONE ALL THAT HE PROMISED TO DO AND IN FACT BETRAYED HOPE AND CHANGE WHAT STOOD IN HIS WAY?
>> COULD YOU NAME SPECIFIC EXAMPLES?

REPUBLICANS!!!  It’s all their fault.  And Wall Street’s.  Somehow!!  So there!!!  Fox News lies!!!  George Bush!!!!  Gaaaahhhhhh!!!! 

>> HE CLAIMS THAT HE IS NOT IN BED WITH BANKERS AND BIG CORPORATIONS. IS HE LYING?

Yes and no, it’s complicated.  You’re too stooooooopid to get it, and I’m not explaining it to you because you’re too stooooooopid.  Down with Fox News!!!  We hate Wall Street!!!!  Death to banksters!!!!  (except the ones we like, see above)

>> IS HE JUSTIFIED FOR NOT TELLING THE TRUTH IF IT FURTHERS YOUR OR HIS AGENDA?
>> WHAT ARE THE CONDITIONS A LEADER CAN LIE TO YOU AND IT BE JUSTIFIED?

He only lies to trick the ebil corporations, Wall Street, and those shady, obstructionist, unpatriotic Republicans.  We understand his true heart and goals because . . . we do!!!  So there!!!!!  Go to hell!!!!  And take the banksters with you.  And the TEA Party!!!!  Koch brothers!!!

INVESTIGATIONS/FINANCIAL
>> WHY HAS THIS ADMINISTRATION NOT DONE INVESTIGATIONS ON BANKS AND BANKERS?
>> WHY HASN’T THIS ADMINISTRATION DONE INVESTIGATIONS ON THE FED?
>> WHY HASN’T THIS ADMINISTRATION DONE INVESTIGATIONS ON FREDDIE OR FANNIE OR SALLY MAC?
>> WHY HAS NO ONE EXCEPT BERNIE MADOFF GONE TO JAIL UNDER THIS OR THE LAST PRESIDENT?

Because the banksters have more power than anyone ever, including Obama . . . um, wait.  It’s all Wall Street’s fault!!!!  Screw you, Glenn Beck!!!!  This is all a tricksy trick to hide the fact that George Bush, Wall Street, and Fox News are evil and that capitalism must die!!!!  So there!!

>> WASN’T THE HOPE WE WERE LOOKING FOR AND PROMISED SUPPOSED TO COME FROM A PRESIDENT THAT WAS DIFFERENT? THAT WAS BEYOND POLITICS?
>> WASN’T THE CHANGE THAT AMERICA WAS LOOKING FOR AN END TO CRONY CAPITALISM?

No! Yes! Maybe!  SHUT UPPPPPPP!!!  Down with Fox News and its lying lies!!!  Down with capitalism!!!  Mostly.  Sorta.  Ummmm . .. war for oil!!!  Bush lied, people died!!!!  Argggggh!!!

>> WERE YOU WRONG ABOUT THIS PRESIDENT LAST TIME ELECTION?
>> HOW ARE YOU SURE THIS TIME?

Because we understand his secret code, and you are too stoooooooopid to understand it.  He doesn’t say one thing and do another because . . . um, he just doesn’t.  So there!!!  George Bush LIED!!!!  Fox News sucks!!!!!  The Koch brothers!!!!

>> DID AMERICA LEARN FROM ITS MISTAKE OF NOT DEMANDING A CLEAR DECLARATION OF WHAT HOPE AND CHANGE MEANT?
>> SHOULD THERE HAVE BEEN A CLEAR PLAN TO ENSURE THAT THIS NEW PRESIDENT REMAINED ON COURSE TO DELIVER THE CHANGE PROMISED AND HOPED FOR OF AN END OF CORRUPTION AND CRONYISM?

No!!!  Um, yes!!!  Maybe!!!  You suck!!!  Kill the rich, eat them!!!  George Bush is evil!!!!

>> WHAT IS SOLYNDRA? WHAT IS LIGHT SQUARED?

Not sure about that Light Squared thing, but Solyndra was a perfectly reasonable attempt to boost a doomed company and industry, and it doesn’t matter one tiny bit that everyone said it would fail, that the company was loaded with Obama cronies and campaign donors/bundlers, that those tax dollars could have been better spent on teachers, firefighters, and police.  We hate the police!!  Except the band.  We like the band; this was determined at an assembly by finger-wiggle consensus.  But cops are pigs.  Fascist, evil pigs.  Just like George Bush!!!

>> DO YOU THINK THOSE WHO HAVE DESIGNED THIS EVENT (COLLAPSE WALL STREET) SHOULD HAVE A CLEAR PLAN TO MAKE SURE AFTER THE COLLAPSE THEY WILL DELIVER THE CHANGE OF AN END OF CORRUPTION AND CRONYISM?

No!!!  Plans are for idiots who think planning is good.  We LOVE central planning, which is good.  But other plans, even plans to plan central planning are bad.  Just like GEORGE BUSH!!!  Who lied!!!!  Fox News also lies!!!!   Lies are bad!!!!  Except President Obama’s because they aren’t really lies because we understand what he REALLY means!!!!  So there!!!

>> DID IT DISCREDIT THE TEA PARTY MOVEMENT THAT IT WAS SAID TO BE FUNDED, ORGANIZED AND OR CO-OPTED BY THOSE WHO HAD DIRECT TIES AND INTERESTS IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY?

YESSSSSS!!!!   They are astroturfed RAAAAACISTS and useful idiots!!!!

WOULD IT TAINT OR HURT OCCUPY WALL STREET IF THAT WERE THE CASE HERE?

It’s not the case!!!  Screw you and your “evidence” of Soros, SEIU, and White House involvement!!!  Screw you and your so-called “proof” that the media and various leftists groups are funding and organizing us.  They aren’t!!!!  You lie!!!!  Fox lies!!!!  Everyone lies!!!  Except us.  And Obama.  Who doesn’t actually lie, when he says something that is untrue, it’s really just CODE that you’re too stoooooooopid to understand!!!!   [finger wiggle]

EQUAL JUSTICE/SOCIAL JUSTICE
>> CAN SOCIAL JUSTICE AND EQUAL JUSTICE CO EXIST?

We don’t care about equal justice.  Equal justice is a RAAAAACIST attempt to treat everyone equally!!!  That’s wrong!!!!  Everyone is not equal!!! Um . . . wait.  Errrr, everyone IS equal, but justice cannot be!!!!  That’s right!!!!!   Koch brothers!!!  War for oil!!!!!   Save the planet!!!!  You’re STOOOOOOOPID!!!!

>> IS EVERYONE ON WALL STREET PUNISHED FOR THE CRIMES OF THE GUILTY?
>> IS EVERYONE ON WALL STREET GUILTY?
>> IF NO, ARE YOUR ACTIONS TO COLLAPSE WALL STREET PUNISHING THOSE WHO ARE INNOCENT?
>> IF YES, IS THAT EQUAL JUSTICE IN SEEING THAT YOU WOULD BE PUNISHING THE INNOCENT FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE?

Oh shut up!!!  You don’t get it!!!  George Bush!!!!  TEA Party is RAAAACIST!!!! Down with capitalism!!!  Social justice for all!!!  Or mostly all but only some!!!!  Or something!!!!

>>DO YOU BELIEVE IN FAIR TRAILS? A JURY OF YOUR PEERS? A CHANCE TO FACE YOUR ACCUSERS? GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT?
>>SHOULD WALL STREET BANKERS:
A). LOSE THEIR JOBS
B). HAVE ALL OF THEIR WEALTH TAKEN?
C). GO TO JAIL? IF YES, HOW LONG? IF YOU WISH FOR A JUDGE AND JURY TO DECIDE, WHY?
D). IF YES TO BOTH IN C. SEE EQUAL JUSTICE AND SOCIAL JUSTICE INCOMPATIBLY ABOVE.

Shut up, shut up, shut up!!!  You suck!!!  Just like the banksters and George Bush!!!  

LYNCH MOBS THEN AND NOW
>> DO YOU BELIEVE LYNCH MOBS (IN CIVIL RIGHTS ERA) ARE/WERE WRONG? IF SO, WHY?

Yes!!!  That was evil republicans and white people who are evil.  And republicans.  Down with republicans!!!  Down with white people!!!!  Except us, who are all white!!!!!

>> WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A LYNCH MOB AND WHAT YOU ARE BEING ENCOURAGED TO DO NOW? (LEWIS, HOMES OF WEALTHY)

We are righteous!!!!   That’s all.  [finger wiggle]

COPS:
>> ARE COPS GOOD OR BAD?
>> ARE THERE GOOD COPS AND BAD COPS?
>> IF THERE ARE BOTH GOOD AND BAD POLICEMEN HOW DO YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE?

No, cops are fascist pigs!!!  They are violent and evil!!!!  But we are really working to support their pensions, which will be ensured once there is no more capitalism.  Somehow!!!  Down with capitalism and fascist pigs!!!!  Save the fascist pigs’ pensions!!!!  Somehow!!!  Fox lies!!!

>> IF YOU WERE A COP, A GOOD ONE NOT BAD, WHAT WOULD YOU DO RIGHT NOW IN THIS SITUATION ON WALL STREET?

>> IF YOU WALKED AWAY (AS A COP) AND ALLOWED THE CROWD FREEDOM TO DO AS IT WISHED, WOULD YOU BE A HERO OR A COWARD?

I would never be a cop.  The pay’s no good, and I am special.  Very very special.  So there!!!  Fascist PIGS!!!  Eat the rich!!!  Koch brothers!!!!  Argggghhhhh, thinking hard. 

>> WOULD DAMAGE TO PRIVATE AND PUBLIC PROPERTY BE DONE IF THE POLICE WOULD LEAVE? DOES THAT MATTER?
>> COULD INNOCENT PEOPLE BE HURT? DOES THAT MATTER?
>> IF YOU OR ANYONE IN YOUR GROUP ANSWERED THERE ARE NO INNOCENT HERE — DOES THAT MATTER?
>> IF NO ON ABOVE PLEASE CHECK ANSWER FOR CONSISTENCY ON LYNCH MOBS AND JURY TRIALS?
>> DEFINE MOB RULE – IS THIS GOOD OR BAD?

Stoooooooopid!!!   What you call “mob rule,” we call “righteous revolution” and “democratic consensus”!!  You are stoooooooopid!!!  People who are innocent will die, but so what!!!  The ends justify the means, and to make a better world, you have to break a few eggs and eat a few rich cracka babies!!!!!  

>> THERE ARE MANY PRISONERS THAT HAVE BEEN WRONGLY ACCUSED AND CONVICTED. IT HAPPENS THE WORLD OVER BUT ESPECIALLY IT SEEMS IN AMERICA. THE RECENT EXECUTION IN GA (ACCORDING TO YOU) IS MERELY ONE EXAMPLE. IN LIGHT OF THIS AND KNOWING WHAT WE KNOW, WHAT SHOULD BE DONE WITH THOSE WHO ARE CURRENTLY INCARCERATED?
>> IF THE SYSTEM IS CORRUPT, HOW WILL YOU ASSESS AND FIX IT?
>> IS IT FAIR TO LEAVE THE POSSIBLE INNOCENT BEHIND BARS WHILE THAT PROCESS IS GOING ON?

No.  Or yes!!!  We will decide by finger-wiggle democratic consensus what to do!!!  But we are leaning toward freeing all prisoners and eliminating all jails.  And courts.  And police.  Everything that is oppressive of the individual’s right to rape, murder, rob, and um, stuff.  Or something.  Bush lied!!!!  Fox sucks!!!  The Koch brothers!!!!

COLLEGE: Many of the signs on Occupy Wall Street complain about student loans.
WE AGREE:
>> MANY HAVE STOLEN FROM US
>> NO ONE SHOULD PAY WHAT YOU ARE PAYING (HAVE PAID) FOR HIGHER EDUCATION
>> WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE PRICE OF EDUCATION?

Wall Street banksters!!!  They set the tuition and then trick us into taking our expensive loans that don’t even lead to a good education or a job!!!   Wall Street sucks!!!  Kill them all!!!!

>> WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE PRICE OF THAT PRIVATE COLLEGE EDUCATION RISING 8 % JUST LAST YEAR?

The banksters!!!!!   Somehow. 

>> HOW MUCH MONEY IS IN YOUR UNIVERSITIES ENDOWMENT FUND?

The what?  That’s stoooooooopid!!!! 

>> IS THERE NOTHING THEY CAN DO TO LOWER TUITION COSTS?

No!!!!!  It’s George Bush’s fault!!!!  And Fox News’!!!! And Wall Street!!!!  We are smarter than you and we said so!!!! So there!!!!

MOM & DAD
>> ARE YOU SINCERELY WORRIED ABOUT YOUR PARENTS AND WHAT THEY FACE AS WELL AS WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS FOR YOU?

No, parents suck.  They are oppressive oppressors who oppress us!!!!  

>> HAVE YOUR PARENTS WORKED HARD FOR THEIR HOME AND WHAT LITTLE MONEY THEY HAVE SAVED DURING THEIR LIFETIME?

Who cares??  That’s just stooooooopid trixsy trickery!!!  Glenn Beck is a maniac!!!! Eat him!!!

>> IF YOU SUCCEED IN COLLAPSING WALL STREET, WHO IS HURT AND WHO IS HURT THE MOST?
>> ARE YOUR PARENTS HURT? YOUR FRIENDS PARENTS?
>> UNION PENSIONS ARE INVESTED IN WALL STREET
>> YOUR UNIVERSITY ENDOWMENT
>> THE AVERAGE AMERICAN (401K) IS INVESTED IN WALL STREET.
>> WHAT HAPPENS TO THE LIFETIME OF WORK BY YOUR PARENTS IF YOUR ACTIONS CAUSE A COLLAPSE OF THE SYSTEM?

Who cares!!!!!?????!!!! We hate thinking!!!!!  Once capitalism is gone, America will continue to feed, clothe, house, provide social security, food stamps, MediCare, Medicaid, welfare, and health care for everyone.  All over the world!!!!  Somehow!!!!  You’ll see!!!!!   We’ll finger-wiggle-make-it-happen!!!!!  Fox sucks!!!!  The Koch brothers!!!!

FOREIGN COUNTRIES
>> DO YOU BELIEVE THAT ANY GOVERNMENT ABROAD WOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF AN ECONOMIC COLLAPSE OF THE UNITED STATES THAT WOULD HAVE NEGATIVE IMPACT ON YOUR FREEDOMS?

We hope so!!!  Bomb, bomb, bomb the US of Oppression and wars for oil!!!  Kill us all!!!! um, wait, kill everyone except me!!!!!!   

>> DO YOU BELIEVE THAT US TROOPS SHOULD BE CALLED HOME?
>> DO YOU BELIEVE TOUR TROOPS ARE BABY KILLERS? OR PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO WERE EITHER MISGUIDED OR USED?

Um, huh?  They are baby-killers!!!  And stooopid useful idiots!!!  Or something!!!!  Kill the troops!!!!  Eat them all!!!!

>> WHAT HAPPENS TO THOSE TROOPS OVERSEAS IF THERE WAS AN ECONOMIC COLLAPSE?

Who cares!!!  This is about us, not them!!!  We hate the wars and the troops, unless we don’t!!!

>> DO YOU BELIEVE IF YOU DON’T PULL THE TROOPS OUT BEFORE A COLLAPSE THERE WOULD BE A GREATER OR LESSER CHANCE OF MORE KILLING?
>> DO YOU BELIEVE THAT FORCES ON EITHER SIDE COULD OR WOULD USE AN ECONOMIC COLLAPSE AS AN EXCUSE FOR MORE KILLING?
>> WOULD YOU HAVE PLAYED ANY ROLE IN THAT POSSIBLE KILLING BASED ON YOUR ACTIONS HERE TO COLLAPSE WALL STREET?

This is stooooopid!!  We don’t think about that because it’s not important!!!  Dying for THE CAUSE is what matters!!!!  Glenn Beck is a freak!!!!!  George Bush!!!!

>> IF NO; DO THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS?
>> IF YES; IF THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS… DOES THAT INCLUDE THE DEATH OF INNOCENTS?

Yes, to make a more perfect, finger-wiggling world of equality (but not equal justice, that’s just stooooooopid, see above), millions of people will necessarily have to die.  So what????   Like that matters!!!  Fox lies!!!!   The Koch brothers!!!  We hate teabagggers!!!!

>> IF NOT WHY?
>> IF YES, EXPLAIN WHAT MAKES YOU DIFFERENT THAT GEORGE W BUSH, WHO ALSO THOUGHT HE WAS RIGHT.

Well, he was wrong and we are right.  So there!!!!  Down with capitalism!!!!  We hate money!!!!  And oil!!!!!  And cracka babies!!!!

EGYPT

What??? Where???

>> HOW DID THE EGYPTIAN REVOLUTION TURN OUT?
>> IS IT BETTER THAN WHAT THEY HAD?

Yes!!!!  The freedom-loving freedom lovers are totally free and live in total Utopia!!!

>> FREE, FAIR AND DEMOCRATIC ELECTIONS WERE PROMISED TO BE HELD BY AUGUST OF THIS YEAR, WHAT DATE WERE THEY ACTUALLY HELD?

They just didn’t get the finger-wiggle memo, that’s all.  Once we show them how to wiggle their fingers, they’ll be all set!!!  Go finger-wiggling democratic consensus!!!!

>> WHO IS CURRENTLY IN CHARGE OF EGYPT?

We don’t know.  Or care.  What matters is the revolution!!!!

>> DO YOU BELIEVE IN MILITARY RULE?
>> WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE UNDER IT HERE?
>> WHAT WOULD BE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MILITARY RULE HERE AND IN EGYPT?

Um, wait, are you saying that the military controls Egypt??  Nooooooooo!!! That’s a LIE!!! Glenn Beck lies!!!!  Fox News lies!!!!  Bush lied!!!!!

>> THE MEDIA CLAIMS YOU ARE THE SAME AND ARE STRIVING FOR THE SAME IDEALS AS THE YOUTH THAT OVERTURNED THEIR OPPRESSIVE AND CORRUPT SYSTEM. IS THIS TRUE?
>> IF YES, IF YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO LIVE UNDER MILITARY RULE WHAT RESPONSIBILITY DO YOU HAVE TO CORRECT THE INJUSTICE OF THEIR SYSTEM?

Erm, well, that wouldn’t happen here.  It just wouldn’t.  So there!!

>> IF YOU ANSWER THAT YOU DO HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY.
>> WASNT AMERICAN INSERTION INTO GLOBAL POLITICS WHAT CAUSED THE HATRED FOR THE WEST?
>> HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE FIGHTING ON THE RIGHT SIDE AND NOT HELPING THOSE WHO WILL DEVELOP A REPRESSIVE REGIME?
>> IS IRAN A REPRESSIVE REGIME?

America is an oppressive, repressive, regressive regime!!!  Who cares about those other dusty little countries?!!!   Not us!!!  So there!!!!  The Koch brothers!!!  Bush lied!!!!  Beck is full of bull!!!!  Someone, quick!, poop on an American flag!!!!!

POST REVOLUTION
>>IF THOSE WHO TAKE POWER, AFTER THE SUCCESSFUL OCCUPY WALL STREET COLLAPSE, BETRAYED THE REVOLUTION AND THE PEOPLE BY NOT FOLLOWING THE PLAN (THAT HAS NOT YET BEEN DEVELOPED) WHAT SHOULD THE PEOPLE DO?

No one will take power!!!  We will all rule by finger-wiggles!!!! 

>>WOULD THOSE NEW LEADERS STEP DOWN OR WOULD AN EVENT LIKE THIS NEED TO BE STAGED AGAIN TO FORCE THEM OUT?
>>IF THEY DIDN’T VOLUNTARILY STEP DOWN WOULD YOU SEEK TO HAVE THEM ARRESTED?
>>IS VIOLENCE AN OPTION TO ACHIEVE THE GOALS OF REVOLUTION?
>>CAN YOU SOLVE VIOLENCE WITH VIOLENCE?

Yes and yes!!!  Violence is needed to end violence!!!! Duh!!!!! [finger wiggles]

>>SHOULD THE PEOPLE BE ALLOWED TO HAVE A GUN IN CASE THOSE IN CHARGE DID BETRAY THE REVOLUTION?
>>IF YES, WHY.
>>IF YES, WHY DOES THIS NOT APPLY TODAY?
>>IF NO, WHO AUTHORIZES THE USE OF FORCE AND WHAT FORCE IS ALLOWED?

Guns are evil!!!  Except ours.  We decide!!!!  It takes days because we stop after every third word to have the crowd repeat everything, then we finger wiggle, then we talk some more, then we finger wiggle some more, then we take a nap, then we talk some more, then we finger wiggle, then we poop on stuff, then we talk some more, then we finger wiggle, then we set things on fire, then we pretend to be run over by the police, then we talk some more, then we finger wiggle, then we take a nap . . . . um, wait, what was the question? 

>>WHO PROTECTS THE IDEA OR YET TO BE FORMED IDEAS OF THE NEW REVOLUTIONARY DEMOCRACY?

We will!!!  We’ll poop, and nap, and talk and repeat everything, and finger wiggle our way to true equality (except equal justice which is stoooooooopid!!!!!). 

>>WHO WOULD ARREST THOSE WHO BETRAYED THE REVOLUTION IF THE SYSTEM HAS COLLAPSED AND THE COPS WERE
>>ALL EITHER FIRED OR JAILED?
>>ARE JAILS NEEDED?

No, we’ll just eat the rich, they are evil and probably quite tasty and nutritious.

>>IF YES, WHO RUNS THE NEW DEMOCRATIC JAILS FORMALLY KNOWN AS THE PRISON INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX?

No, we don’t need jails.  See above.  Fox News lies!!!!!  George Bush!!!! Tsunami!!!!  Waaaahhhhh!!!! 

>>ASSUMING THERE WAS AN IMMEDIATE CITIZENS POLICE FORCE ENACTED TO REPLACE THE CORRUPT SYSTEM THAT WE CURRENTLY HAVE, WHAT SYSTEM OF TRIAL WOULD YOU ENGAGE?
>>CHE SAID “WE DON’T NEED A TRIAL TO CONVICT THE GUILTY”. DO YOU AGREE?
>>IF NO, WOULD THERE BE A JURY?
>>WHO WOULD BE THE JUDGE?

Everyone!!!! Finger wigglers of the world unite!!!!  And judge!!!! And stuff!!!!!  The Koch brothers!!!!!  

>>WHAT WOULD THE RULES OF EVIDENCE BE?
>>WILL THE PEOPLE HAVE RIGHTS?
>>WHAT ARE THEY?
>>HAVE THEY BEEN WRITTEN DOWN ANYWHERE?
>>IF NO, BECAUSE YOU WERE PLANNING ON DOING THAT AFTER THE COLLAPSE, IF THE ABOVE SCENARIO PLAYED OUT WOULD YOU REGRET THAT DECISION?
>>IF YES, WHAT WERE THEY BASED ON?
>>WHERE DO MANS RIGHTS COME FROM?
>>IF THEY COME FROM A COMMITTEE OR LEADERS, WHY THEN CANT THE LEADERS YOU NOW SAY BETRAYED THE REVOLUTION CHANGE YOUR RIGHTS AND DECLARE YOU A TRAITOR TO THE REVOLUTION?
>>HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED IN HISTORY?
>>IF YES, WHERE?
>>WHAT WERE THE CONDITIONS?
>>WHERE THERE WARNING SIGNS?
>>DO ANY OF THOSE SIGNS EXIST NOW?

This is just stooooooooopid!!!  Rights?  Huh!!???  Thinking hard.   Me no think.   Me poop.  And finger wiggle.   George Bush lied!!!!!  Glenn Beck is stoooooooopid!!!! 

ENERGY
>>NOW THAT THE ECONOMY HAS COLLAPSED IN AMERICA BUT NOT SOMEHOW EFFECTED THE REST OF THE WORLD, HOW CAN WE AFFORD MIDDLE EASTERN OIL TO BUY GASOLINE?
IF YOU SAY WE CANNOT AFFORD GASOLINE AND THAT IS A GOOD THING FOR THE ENVIRONMENT, LET’S FOR ARGUMENT SAKE AGREE:
>> HOW DO WE FUEL TRACTORS FOR FARMING ON THE SCALE NEEDED TO FEED THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES AND ELSE WHERE?
>> HOW IS SAID FOOD TRUCKED TO STORES HERE IN NEW YORK IF TRUCKERS COULDN’T AFFORD FUEL?
>> HOW DO YOUR PARENTS GET FOOD FROM THE STORE TO THEIR HOME?
>>NOW THAT THE POLICE FORCE HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH A CITIZEN PATROL, ARE YOUR PARENTS SAFE WALKING THE STREETS WITH FOOD IN AN AREA AFTER THE CURRENCY HAS JUST COLLAPSED?
>> IF ONE OF THEM WERE HURT OR KILLED DUE TO A SCENARIO LIKE THIS, WOULD YOU BE IN ANYWAY RESPONSIBLE?
>> IF THEY WERE HURT AND COULDN’T RECEIVE MEDICAL TREATMENT IN TIME BECAUSE THE EMS COULDN’T AFFORD GAS FOR THE AMBULANCE WOULD YOU IN ANY WAY BE RESPONSIBLE?
>> HOW WOULD THE HOSPITALS PAY DOCTORS AND EMS WITHOUT A CURRENCY?
>> WHY WOULD DOCTORS OR NURSES BE AT WORK?
>> TO ENSURE THEY DID GO TO WORK, WHO WOULD PROTECT AND FEED THEIR FAMILIES WHILE THEY SERVED?
> HOW DO THE DOCTORS AFFORD GAS TO GO TO WORK?
>> WHAT SYSTEM OF ELECTRICITY IS RUNNING THE HOSPITALS?

This is just stooooooooopid!!!  No more oil!!!!  No oil is the answer!!!!  No electricity!!! No economy!!!! No money!!!! No food!!!!  No services!!!!  We hate everything!!!!  Except us.  And pooping.  And finger-wiggling!!!!   The Koch brothers!!!  You suck!!!  Eat the rich!!!!

CRONY CAPITALISM
>>DEFINE CRONY CAPITALISM.

It’s what George Bush did!!!!  We had no president before Bush!!!!  He started it all!!!! Down with capitalism!!!!  

>> WHEN THE GOVT TOOK OVER GM, GAVE ALL THE BANKS TARP MONEY AND ALLOWED COMPANIES LIKE GE PAY NO TAXES WHILE MAKING BILLIONS AND SHIPPING JOBS OVERSEAS – IS THAT CRONY SOCIALISM, CRONY CAPITALISM OR CRONY STATISM?
>> IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?

That’s stoooooooopid!!!  You suck!!!!   Fox lies!!!!  Save the planet!!!!  Poop for prosperity!!!!

IN ALL THREE SCENARIOS WHAT IS THE PROBLEM, THE SYSTEM OR THE CRONYISM?
>> WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO END CRONYISM?

Destroy everything!!!!  Down with everything!!!!  

>> HAS YOUR APPROACH EVER BEEN TRIED BEFORE?

Yes!!!  The blessed Mao and the heroic Che and the exalted Lenin did it!!!  Woohooo!!! Up with genocide!!!!  Kill everyone!!!  Except us.  

>> IF YES, LIST ALL EXAMPLES OF ATTEMPTS FAILED AND SUCCESSFUL.
>> WHY DID THEY FAIL?
>> HOW DID THOSE THAT FAILED BEGIN?
>> WHO LEAD THE WAY ON THOSE FAILED ATTEMPTS?

They didn’t fail!!!!  Communism is always successful and fair and just and right and good!!!!!   [finger wiggles]

>> HOW DID THOSE WHO BEGAN THE REVOLUTION FAIR IN THE NEW SYSTEMS?

Oh, sure, you’re trying to spread the LIES that those who’ve begun every single revolution were the first to be killed at the revolution’s end by the grasping fiends who ended up on top.  That’s a LIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!  I will not hear this lie.  History is a lie!!!  Truth is a lie!!!!!  Facts are lies!!!!  The only truth is mine.  Um, ours.  Can I get a finger-wiggle consensus on that???!!!!

>> WHO IS THOMAS PAINE?

A dead, white, oppressive, RAAAAAACIST male no doubt.  Never heard of him, but I’m pretty sure he’s white.  And therefore evil!!!!!  Kill the cracka babies!!!  Down with capitalism!!!!  Bush lied!!!!  Don’t eat salt!!!!

>> WHAT WAS HIS ROLE IN THE FRENCH REVOLUTION?
>> WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?
>> WHAT DID HE LEARN ABOUT REVOLUTIONS?

Oh blah blah blah, like anything that you say matters!!!  You suck!!!  Everything and everyone sucks except us!!!!   Down with everyone!!!!  Except us!!!!

>> HOW DID THE FRENCH REVOLUTION END?
>> WHO TOOK POWER IN FRANCE?
>> WAS THAT GOOD OR BAD FOR THE PEOPLE OF FRANCE?

It was glorious for the people of France!!!  They loved the revolution and Napoleon!!!  They loved being starved and tortured and beaten and dismembered and beheaded!!!  Oppression, genocide, and totalitarianism are wonderful!!  Um, yeah, that’s right!!!!  

>> WHAT DOES THIS TELL US ABOUT THE CURRENT SITUATION WE FIND OURSELVES IN AMERICA?
>> DO YOU HAVE HOSTILE FEELINGS ABOUT THESE QUESTIONS? WHY?

Yes!!!  Because you’re stoooooooopid and thinking makes my head hurt.  No more questions!!!  Eat people who ask questions!!! 

IF YOU ARE READING IN A GROUP OF LIKE MINDED, OPEN MINDED AND EDUCATED PEOPLE — TAKE NOTE – HAVE THEY PROVOKED ANY SERIOUS DISCUSSION. IF NOT WHY?
>> IF SO, DID YOU DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO GET THOSE IN WASHINGTON TO INVESTIGATE AND ARREST THOSE WHO WILL NOT “CHANGE” AND BEGIN TO DO BUSINESS IN A LEGAL AND NON CORRUPT WAY?
>> WHY DIDN’T THAT WORK?

This is stupid, we already HAVE all the answers to every human condition, desire, dream, need, and want!!!  We know absolutely everything about everything and can make every decision for every person ever!!!!  Yay us!!!  Bush sucks!!!  Give everyone abortions NOW!!!!

IF YOU ARE NOT PLANNING ON THEM HOLDING ON TO POWER PLEASE ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:
A). WHO WILL BE IN CHARGE? WILL THEY BE YOU? OR THE LEADERS YOU HAVE NOT YET CHOSEN?
B). HOW WILL YOU ENSURE THAT THOSE WHO DO TAKE POWER ARE NOT CURRENTLY PART OF THE PROBLEM?
C). WHO WILL FUND THE UNIVERSITIES, HEALTHCARE, K-12 EDUCATION, HOMELESS, AND POOR WHILE A NEW SYSTEM IS DESIGNED TO STABILIZE THE POPULATION, REPLACE THE CORRUPT SYSTEM OF CORPORATISM, BIG MEDICINE, BIG OIL AND BIG FARMS

We don’t need any of that!!!  But if we did, we’d just pay for it with all the money America, as the most wealthy nation ever, has!!!!  An economic collapse and the destruction of the capitalism that made America wealthy won’t change that!!!! Somehow!!! So there!!!  

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7 thoughts on “Glenn Beck’s Questions for #OWS (and How I Think They’d Answer)

  1. They are an incoherent rabble.

    Fuzzy: Tomorrow's the day (Wednesday) I post my article you inspired!

    I still think yours is better, but I take a slightly different tack, quoting copiously from Hayek's essay.

  2. @Trestin, don't be. They're largely Nazis and other assorted pro-“Palestine” groups, including a lot of Islamofascists. AntiSemitism isn't surprising. What's surprising is how it's being embraced (and renamed as antiZionism or antiIsrael). It's all hate and all racism, and it never ends well.

    @Silverfiddle, yeah, it's actually much harder than I thought to capture the incoherence and idiocy, but I did my best. 😛 oooh, goodie, looking forward to reading it!

  3. Wow, I love Glenn Beck and you have nailed these questions. they have the same mindset as the 60's radicals I hung with way back then…THEY DID IT and I want mine now!

    What is a SOROS anyway?

    Oh shut up!!! You don't get it!!! George Bush!!!! TEA Party is RAAAACIST!!!! Down with capitalism!!! Social justice for all!!! Or mostly all but only some!!!! Or something!!!!
    “Animal Farm”

  4. @Lisa, aw, thanks! 🙂

    @Odie, or “I want YOUR stuff”

    @Scott, it is a sort of tourettes, isn't it? Weird, disconnected, irrelevant crap spewed out to change the subject from how uninformed and incapable of rational (or critical) thinking they are. Turn up the shrill volume to ensure that any clear thinking is drowned out.

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