Fuzzy Faves: Analytic Satire and Satiric Analysis

Okay, so I’m not writing much these days; I have that over informed, overwhelmed, and outraged feeling. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not still engaged.  I am.  And I just have to share two fantabulous pieces that I’ve read recently.  They are truly marvelous, and I wish I’d written them both.

First up, the ever-brilliant Daniel Greenfield at Sultan Knish and his Government Shuts Down, Nation Descends into Riots, Looting, and Cannibalism:

The United States of America (1787-2013) came to a swift and sudden end last night as the government shut down. The nation which had survived Pearl Harbor, the War of 1812 and Jimmy Carter ceased to exist.

The savage population, which had only been kept in line through a policy of rigorous gun confiscations, food stamps and Green Energy programs unleashed its pent up rage in a spree of riots, looting and mass murder that had only previously been encountered in Somalia.

“The government shut down! We can do anything we like,” shouted Sam Hasbley of Grassley, Iowa, while tearing the tag off a mattress despite an explicit warning label forbidding such a dangerous course of action. “Tear yours off. The government is shut down. It can’t stop you.”

Eyewitnesses spoke of further horrors. On a quiet street in suburban Massachusetts, a man brought out a set of highly illegal lawn darts. In Maryland, there were allegations that an entire family had begun digging ditches to collect rainwater runoff.

With the fall of the government, citizen activists took it upon themselves to chronicle the culture of lawlessness. Men played Gibson guitars made of wood imported from India, but not finished by Indian workers. Women bought cold medicine without a photo ID. Children went hours without hearing lectures about the environment.

The victims were many. In Chuckolod County, Colorado, a transgender person was denied access to the Ladies Room. Frantic calls to the Justice Department were forwarded to an answering service in Depar, India, instead of Doneparre City, Indiana. In Brooklyn, New York, an overweight Senegalese woman was unable to obtain a sign language interpreter while waiting on line to collect her free Obamaphone. In Olegon Falls, Florida, the National Museum of Native American Yarn was forced to shut down depriving schoolchildren of an educational experience and three hours throwing bits of yarn at each other.

And there was worse to come.

Read it all. You won’t be sorry.

And next up is a great piece, entitled “Obama’s ‘Fake’ Twitter Followers Explained,” by Daren Jonescu over at American Thinker:

Barack Obama has 36.9 million Twitter followers, 19.5 million of whom, it turns out, are fake. This is a very disturbing sign for Obama’s opponents, as it demonstrates just how much appeal the president still has with his key support base, namely those who identify most closely with him on a personal level — fake people.

The Daily Mail Onlinehas analyzed the numbers and discovered that among U.S. political figures, the four Twitter accounts with the most fake followers — that is, followers who don’t really exist — are those of Barack Obama (by a landslide), Joe Biden, Michelle Obama, and the White House communications department. Those who would laugh this off as evidence of a pathetic progressive attempt to manipulate public perceptions are perhaps missing the point. Americans who care about the downfall of their country ought to be most concerned about the trend indicated here. A hitherto negligible segment of the population, nonexistent humans, has found in the present U.S. administration a powerful reason to emerge from the shadows at last and become fully engaged participants in the political process. There is no clearer indication of the dangers facing America than this surge in political activity among people who do not exist, especially when one considers that this group vastly outnumbers the existent.

But why all this political enthusiasm among the unreal, all of a sudden? The answer is all too clear. In 2008, America elected its historic first fake president, thus giving hope and a lifeline to fakers everywhere: “Maybe I can participate on equal terms with real people, too.”

Consider the president — or rather, don’t. As a matter of fact, you can’t. For all intents and purposes, he doesn’t exist. The “first black president” was born of a white mother, and raised by white grandparents. Wonder what courses he took in college? Don’t — you’re not allowed to know. How did this self-described drug-addled loafer get into so many top shelf universities, seemingly transferring from one to another in mid-program effortlessly? Don’t ask — his applications and letters of acceptance are apparently national security secrets.

Read the rest.


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