Social Security, MediCare, and Minimum Wage

Okay, so as it turned out, I was completely unable to watch the SOTU address.  And I’m glad.  The last thing I need is to get aggravated by the Commie in Chief’s latest plans to destroy our country.  So . . . yay me!

So then I was reading through my usual list and ran across a great post by the ever-fabulous Adrienne over at Adrienne’s Corner.  She writes about MediCare and about minimum wage through a very personal and understandable lens; it’s true that we have little choice but to draw on Social Security and MediCare, that the system is such that we do, indeed, depend on government.  As such, I think, we try too hard to rationalize these programs and ignore their flaws.  We lash out at the gross mismanagement of our tax dollars . . . often without considering the fundamental flaws in socialist programs and the entitlement state.  We forget that we, yes, even die-hard conservatives, are indeed–as lefties gleefully note–partaking in the entitlement state, fully-invested (so to speak) in the entitlement mentality.

Leftists just love to point out that conservatives draw Social Security and MediCare, and more recently, that we take out student loans.  This latter point, too, is flawed, when I took mine out, they were with private lenders, not the government; I would never ever have taken a loan from the government to go college, even if that meant not going at all.  But my student loans, like everyone else’s, were sold around and then eventually ended up in the government’s lap–indeed, no student loans can be issued today except through the federal government.  Another “benefit” of the 0CareTax.  But I digress, this post isn’t about student loans and the federal take-over of the student loan industry.

There’s a problem with that leftist glee in our supposed “hypocrisy”; Social Security and MediCare have become the sole means of income/coverage for seniors; there is no other option in the majority of cases.  It’s not like we can survive without these government programs, not anymore.  And they love that!  Why wouldn’t they?  The government has the teat from which even the most die-hard conservative adult suckles.  They conveniently forget that it’s the only teat in town.   Big government wins.

Until it doesn’t.

Of course in my response to Adrienne, I went on and on, but I thought it might be worth posting here as a blog post-like thing.  So here it is:

When we speak of unfunded entitlements, we don’t mean what the taxpayer is forced to pay; we mean whether or not the money is there, in a budget. As we don’t have and haven’t had a budget during Obama’s entire presidency, this gets tricky. But as an example, when the Bush prescription drug plan for seniors was passed, it was “unfunded.” In other words, there were no cuts in spending or taxes added to pay for it in that (or any subsequent) budget. The money that we all pay into MediCare and Social Security was not raised (indeed it was cut during the Bush years and only just raised to where it was by Obama), seniors were not tapped retroactively to cover the bill. It was literally an added cost to the tax payer, tacked on to all the other things we pay for . . . and those we don’t.

So that particular entitlement was the equivalent of adding some new cost to your household budget without cutting back on something else or getting a pay raise to pay for it. It can do nothing but accumulate debt and increase inflation/devalue the dollar. This is problematic because it means that the more we do this, the more we offer without the exact amount spent paid in, the higher our deficit (we spend more than we take in) and the more debt we accumulate (the deficit adds to the debt every single day).

Now, about MediCare and Social Security. These are entitlements, but yes, they are partially (almost minutely at this point) paid for by tax payers. When Social Security, for example, was first enacted, the life expectancy was significantly lower, the idea was that the government would be taking in more than it paid out because people would die before they qualified. Nice, huh? Social Security funds, further, were never supposed to be part of the federal budget, they were supposed to be separately managed (remember that “lock box” stuff?). That didn’t happen, and yes the money was thrown away, wasted, porked out to greedy politicians.

By the way, these funds were never invested (and shouldn’t be, not by the federal government). If YOU, on the other hand, had invested that money independently, knowing the risks and assuming you didn’t lose it all in ’08, you may indeed be a millionaire, but there is no guarantee with the stock market.

But, and here’s the rub, once life expectancy grew and the people drawing Social Security grew, nothing was done to address the discrepancy between what was paid in and what was paid out–most people on SS and on MediCare receive at least 50% more in benefits and payouts than they paid in during their working life. This is a problem. It’s not like a Christmas account where you take out exactly what you put in, possibly with nominal interest paid. It’s like having a Christmas account into which you deposit $500 over the course of the year and then take out $750 at the end of the year. Where does that extra $250 come from? And how can we say we’re entitled to 50% more than what we paid in?

These two programs amount to 2/3 (and growing) of federal spending, yet the taxes paid via our paychecks (the means we pay into MediCare and Social Security) barely make a dent in that amount. If we actually paid for our benefits, that would be one thing. But we do not. Not even close. Not even in the ballpark, the universe. This is why they are (correctly) called pyramid schemes. And why they, like all pyramid schemes, will definitely collapse if they continue as they are.

Now, all that said, there is a very serious problem with all of this because when both programs were enacted, they were supplemental to employer-provided pensions. Very very few employers today provide pensions, outside federal, state, and local governments (and most of those are grossly inflated and unsustainable due to union interference). As you note, you have no choice but to be on Social Security and MediCare. Few do. Something that was supposed to be a safety net (for widows, as Social Security first was introduced and passed) has morphed into a retirement plan for all seniors. That was never the intent, but it’s happened. So people have no choice but to take them because they have nothing else. And then . . . well, we are all socialists now as Newsweek once proclaimed and as the opponents of these entitlements stated in their opposition to their enactment.

What do we do now? I haven’t got the answers, but I do know that as long as even conservatives are fighting to maintain the status quo, these programs, along with our entire economy, will collapse. And it’s not a matter of “if” but when.

Now on to minimum wage. You may indeed deserve more than the current minimum wage, and personally, I think you are worth your weight in gold. But here’s the problem with federal minimum wage mandates: nothing changes. The cost of living and the price of everything simply adjusts to the new minimum, so your $10/hour gets you no more than your current $7.25/hour (not you, personally, a general “you” here).

Employers who are already cutting hours/jobs due to the 0CareTax abomination that changes full-time from 40 to 30 hours per week will simply cut more jobs to accommodate the minimum wage increase. And/or they will pass those costs on to the consumer (thus the flattening out that always occurs after a minimum wage hike–you make more but you spend more to maintain the same standard of living). We can make minimum $500 dollars an hour, but it won’t change anyone’s standard of living. All that will happen is that bread will be $45 a loaf (or whatever).

These are serious and complex issues, but the bottom line on it all is that doing more of the same will lead to more of the same until we eventually collapse.

I’ve written about these entitlements before, including providing specific data and graphs (Okay, So We Don’t Touch MediCare, MedicAid, or Social Security and Screw the Scalpel, Chainsaw Massacre of Federal Budget Needed), and the road to serfdom onto which we’ve been herded.

Until these programs are significantly overhauled, or better yet abolished, there is no shame in participating (there currently is no choice).  Let me repeat that: there. is. no. shame. in being on MediCare or Social Security.  None.  And there is no hypocrisy. The trap has been beautifully built: reject socialism?  Well, you’re a big, fat hypocrite because you rely on (totally unsustainable) socialist policies to eat and see a doctor.  Cowed, shamed, and nonplussed, conservatives fight back by stating that we paid for it.  But we didn’t, not even close.  And that’s the trap.  Fight back, and you bite the hand that feeds you . . . . But that hand is the federal government, out of control and spending more than it takes in.  The very thing you disdain.  Do not be cowed.  The system is rigged, we have to rely on it for now; however, that does not mean it’s a good system.

Conservatives have to stop thinking–convincing ourselves–that we are entitled to anything that is not specifically stated in the Constitution or to more than we actually pay into something.  Regardless of our current circumstances, circumstances that were forced upon us probably to cause this exact response, this Constitutional crisis.  Until we stop thinking that way, stop cowering in fear and shame, we really can’t make a compelling case–or any case–for the free market, for capitalism, or for liberty.


Fuzzy Shorts: TEA Party’s Future, Taxing the “Rich”/ObamaCare Tax, Israel, and Sadness

There is so much going on that I thought I’d do another “shorts” post in an attempt to clean out my links folder (that’s the one I drop stuff in when it seems like it’s potentially interesting enough to post about and that usually fills to overflowing because so much is going on–always–with this administration, there’s not enough to warrant its own post, or I just lose interest in it for whatever reason).  So let’s start with . . .

Where do we go from here?

Where, indeed.  Good question, and some great answers (including some–very necessary–President Bush/Rove bashing) out there; my two faves so far:

Klavan’s The Long Game and Whittle’s A New Beginning video:

Yes, yes, it’s long, but . . . come on, it’s Bill Whittle!  When is he not worth listening to?

There are also some very awful, truly putrid ideas out there.  Let’s learn those–after all, it’s good to know one’s enemy–but reject them.

For now, I’m good with simply promising that I will not give in, I will not give up, and I will fight until my last breath the establishment Republicans/RINOs and, of course, the regressive lunatics.  How I’ll–how we’ll–do that isn’t yet clear to me in concrete terms, but generally speaking, the plan is what it’s always been:  keep slogging away during every midterm and every presidential election and every special election to seat Constitutional, fiscal conservatives in every possible office from dog catcher/mosquito control dude or dudette/etc. to United States senator . . . and president.  We always knew it wouldn’t be easy, that we’d lose some, win some . . . granted, I guess I thought we’d win more in 2012, but it wasn’t to be.  So.  Onward to 2014 and 2016 and 2018 and 2020 . . . and well beyond if that’s what it takes.

Taxing “the rich” and dismantling American health care 

. . . makes me want to vomit.  And not because I am rich (far far far from it) and not because I’m some brain-dead wingnut (though I suppose that’s arguable) programmed to blindly follow and repeat what I’m told like some kind of Occudreg human microphone drone, but because it’s . . . how else to put it?  It’s stupid.  It doesn’t just make zero fiscal sense, it makes negative fiscal sense.  After all, when all those small business owners (who make up the bulk of the people at the $250k mark–remember, it’s NOT millionaires and billionaires being targeted here.  Without actual, meaningful tax reform–a flat or fair tax, they’ll still pay next to nothing) go out of business and/or downsize, that hurts the economy.  It hurts everyone.  Sooner or later the money will run out.  It always does.  And Obama seems to want it run out sooner rather than later.

Further, and as even the most wooly-brained leftist must be noting, businesses will simply work within the parameters of, for example, the Obamacare Tax..  Hmmm, they ponder, if I have more than 50 employees, I’ll get zapped.  I have 55, but you know what? I can get by with 49.  Swimmingly, given the money I’ll save in staying super small.  Forever.  Sure, I’ll never be able to expand and achieve my true potential, but . . . well, obviously, that’s impossible now.  Shrug.  Hmmm, bigger businesses have noted, the ObamaCare Tax monstrosity says that only full-time employees are under their thumb.  I know!  All those people I have working for me, those chumps who currently have full coverage and a plan they like?  Well, how about I make them part-time!  And both of these scenarios are happening all over the country–already playing out within weeks of the American people giving the green light to Obama’s regime.  Indeed, so many people are being laid off or having their hours cut back because of–directly and pointedly–because of the Obamacare Tax that I can barely keep up (I tweet every single one I see, so hit my Twitter feed for specific examples).

But don’t think this an “unintended consequence.”  It isn’t.  It was fully and droolingly intended; why else dismantle a system that served 253.4 million Americans to “help” 45 million people (not all are Americans)?  That makes no sense.  Dismantle a system that provides so many people with quality insurance, quality care to provide substandard care for all?  All, that is, but the very wealthy who will still be able to afford medical tourism and elite private practices . . . oh, and Congress, who exempted themselves from this fantabulous new plan they deemed exceptional and marvelous for everyone.  Except themselves.  And their aids.  And their staff.  And their immediate family.  But it has to be great, right!?  Right?

Right.  Sure.  Uh huh.

Anyway,  what happens next is that Dear Leader escalates his bashing of small, medium-sized, and big business and lays the fault for Americans by the millions (literally,  by the way, not my typical hyperbole) losing the health insurance (and it’s INSURANCE, not “health care,” never forget that–it’s about power and money, not about caring for people or their health) at the feet of . . . anyone but himself and his traitorous horde.  Those businesses, he’ll rail, defiled by the greedy and inhumane and ‘unAmerican’ (according to the Dystopia of 0) idea that they should actually turn a profit, are ::: drum roll, please ::: evil.  Deeply, truly, dripping in the sweat spawned in the hottest pits of Hades, evil.  But hey, guess what!?! There’s a simple solution!  It’s so simple, so obvious, you’d think that it was the plan all along (it was): universal health care, socialized medicine, nationalized heath care . . . whatever you want to call it.  A subpar, faulty, flawed, inadequate, cruel, callous system by any other name and all that.

But yeah, tax those “rich” people.  It’ll be fun.

Until it’s not.


I can’t really write about this yet.  I’m horrified.  And ashamed.  I keep remembering 9/11 and  the dancing, happy “Palestinians” and assorted Hamas-al Queda-equally-vile-terrorist organizations and their sympathizers among “normal” (“moderate,” yeah, right) Middle Eastern people.  And then I remember that Israel, our great friend and ally, stood by us and was among the first nations to reach out to us in total support–in, as they said at the time, “solidarity” with us–at that truly traumatic time:  Sharon declared a national day of mourning in Israel, while the savages in surrounding countries skipped about in the streets, cheered, whooped, and generally had a grand time celebrating–celebrating, wrap your mind around that one–the terrorist attacks on our nation that claimed so many lives, that shocked us to our core and caused the entire nation, left and right, most “identity blocs,” to come together, if only for a brief time.  I’m ashamed that America, this land that I love, is doing absolutely nothing to help Israel (and apparently is doing everything to help her, and our, enemies).

I have many other thoughts and feelings about this, but they are rooted in my religious beliefs, so perhaps, at least for now, I will keep them to myself.  Suffice to say that Israel is important to God, that her enemies are God’s enemies, and that I can never forget, ignore, or otherwise belittle that Truth.  No matter how many terrorists fake photos and hide behind women and children and then shriek about “abuse” or “genocide.”  As an IDF soldier tweeted, Israel is targeting civilians but has only managed to hit fifty in five days?  “Bad aim?”  Yeah, right.  Israel is treating Gazan patients; Israel did not start this.  Hamas did.  Interestingly, and notably, they held off on this pressing act of jihad in the name of their prophet until after Obama was reelected.

The sad and strange

I’ve not really been following the whole Petraeus affair scandal, at least not very closely. It didn’t come out until the day after the election (so convenient), he stepped down (as he should; he showed faulty judgement and put himself–and, as a result of his position, this country–at great risk), and then he finally gave us the goods, or at least a map to the goods, on Benghazi.  Call me torn.

Apparently, Petraeus’s mistress not only stocked up on classified documents but also on big doses of crazy.  The document thing is worrying enough (and again points to Petraeus’s lack of judgement), but the setting up of multiple online identities to harass someone . . . well, just call the men in the white coats.  Now.  And yes, again, this goes back to Petraeus, but think about this for a minute.  Seriously.  Someone is not giving you the attention or feedback or response or whatever to which you imagine you are entitled, so you . . . create another account to get through to them?  And then another.  And another.  And another.  What goes on in your mind while this is going on?  Gee, this isn’t actually the act of a mentally-unbalanced threat to national security . . . heck! It’s only just barely stalking!  It’s sort of um . . . should I call myself “Sugar Lips” this time?  My head is itchy.  Think I’ll scratch my left big toe.  Wait!  Shhhhhh.   Did you hear that!?!  Maybe I’ll call myself “Sunshine Moonbeam the Loony” this time . . . .

That’s just messed up.  But I suspect this woman is in dire need of more than our nation’s security secrets and the head of the CIA’s intimate bits; she clearly needs psychiatric help.  Post hasty.  A prayer or two may not hurt.

Next up is perhaps the saddest bit of post-election news I’ve read yet (and I’ve read lots and lots of sad stuff since November 6th . . . and anticipate reaching overload by mid-spring).  Apparently, this small business owner in Key West killed himself because Obama won.  I think this is beyond tragic, and my heart goes out to his family and to his partner.

Hate to leave you on that down note, but that’s all I have for now.

Mitt Romney: You Can Win This Election

Fact 1: 0 is two seconds away from a full-on, total and complete meltdown.  He’s someone who craves, thrives on, gets fuel from adoring masses.  Those adoring masses have shrunk.  A lot.  They’re worried they can’t even fill the stadium for his acceptance speech, for goodness’ sake.  He gets second billing to clown shows or something.  This isn’t new; I remember when he dashed into Massachusetts to “save” Croakley from Scott Brown (didn’t happen, of course), and they couldn’t even fill a crap-sized auditorium at Northeastern University.  They were having trouble giving out free tee-shirts.  Sad.

And nothing has improved since then.  0 has turned into exactly what the “youth vote” hate: a cynical politician dedicated to cronyism and the DC status quo . . . oh, blahdy blah, we know 0 is, easily, the worst president in my lifetime, and arguably, the worst we’ve ever had.

He knows it, too.  He probably knows that four years into his leadership, Hitler still had the German people in his thrall.  So 0’s dying to get out there with his real message, the one he truly, to his heart of hearts, soul of souls believes is the right message:  that at some point you’ve made enough money, that it really is better for everyone if the wealth is spread around, that quite frankly, you didn’t build that.  He believes all this to the core of his commie being.  And he’s dying to tell us; he’s an ideologue, after all.  Give him his wish, his Howard Dean “scream.”  He’s on the edge.  A little push will shove him right into full-blown commie mode.  Give him his chance to make the case that he really wants to make:  that America is evil, that capitalism is the bane of the world, that . . . oh, what the hell ever.  Let him tell America what he believes, let him tell America who he is.  Just push that button, he’ll melt down.  It’ll be funny.

And you’ll win.

Fact 2: 0’s record sucks. It’s okay to go ahead and chase after every lunatic side- and freak-show that they throw out.  For now.  But I hope you have a plan to pull it all together come late September / early October.  Let them bite at your ankles about stupid crap (dogs, taxes, whatever); it’s funny.  But be preparing something positive, solutions, a way to bring American together again.  Americans want a unified America, at heart.  We want to be one nation under God.  0 knew this in ’08, but he lost it.  You need to find it.  Fast.

Fact 3: McCain lost 2008, 0 didn’t win it.  Got that?  He didn’t win by a landslide, not even close.  Reagan beat Carter far more resoundingly.  Do you know that more PUMAs voted for McCain than actual republicans, than conservatives?  Yes, the onus is on us, as voters, but for God’s sake, for America’s sake, don’t make those same mistakes.  America wants and needs a leader, a conservative American-values leader to stand in sharp contrast to the Food Stamp, kill list president.  Say so.  Don’t surround yourself with RINO nightmares like Jeb Bush, Chris Christie, and John McCain.  Grow a pair.  Fast.

Fact 4: No one really likes or wants you.  Know that.  Use it.  Most of us think you’re a progressive lunatic with answers to every problem rooted in more government study, regulation, and control.  Change.  You’re good at that. It’s time to embrace true Constitutional conservatism and to do so with gusto, as you did in the days after the 0 revelation that he thinks “you didn’t build that.”  Go there.  Go there hard.  And fast.

Fact 5: because no one likes you, you do need a VP who is either another wilting lily like you or an actual conservative.  Don’t go near the RINOs.  Pick someone you can sell as American in spirit–i.e. don’t go with a dhimmi like Christie or a “compassionate conservative” like Jeb Bush.  We don’t like or trust these types . . . anymore than we like or trust you.  And we’ll be watching you, don’t forget that.  We’ll be putting pressure on you to walk the talk you’re talking now.  We’re not going to blindly support craziness from you.  Know that and pick a VP who won’t piss us off.  Fast.

Fact 6: GOTV matters.  And you won’t get it out in the needed numbers if you don’t organize better.  Sure, we’re doing our thing in the TEA Party and locally, but don’t count on it (see Facts 4 and 5 above).  Work that GOTV thing as if you know that ACORN is still out there, just in smaller groups but doing the same damage.  Dead people will vote, illegals will vote, Mickey Mouse will vote (twice), so you need to make sure you rally the rally-able.  Not every Paulbot will vote for you, not every libertarian, but you can still make the case that you are better than 0.  Do it. Fast.

Fact 7:  You can win this election, but it’s important that you don’t overestimate the anti-Obama sentiment in this nation, that you spell out how you will improve the economy, that you have a real plan to protect and defend Israel and our other allies, that you know that what is going on in the world is . . . actually going on.  You have to stand against Fast and Furious, against the Julia dependency model, and FOR America.  That last is most important.  Do that, and you win.

Ends Justify Means: Our “Perfectible” “Imperfect Union”

Bryan Jacoutot, one of the great contributors over at Legal Insurrection, penned a winning piece on Target’s gay marriage ad.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with Bryan’s logic, with his argument, or even with his point (essentially that the leftist propensity for boycotts was manifested in Mumbles’ thought police slash “government boycott” of Chick-fil-A and is wrong).  The problem–and it’s not just Bryan, either, everyone seems to be arguing the same thing (though without the “government boycott” angle; probably because that’s a problematic construct on almost every level), so his is just the article that snapped it for me–The problem is that trying to be reasonable in the face of unreasonableness is not useful, not helpful, and ultimately, nothing more than a distraction from our goal of taking our country back.

Here’s the thing: Mumbles knew that he could not legally ban Chick-fil-A from Boston based purely on their CEO’s ideological beliefs, beliefs with which Mumbles and his crowd disagree.  Don’t kid yourselves, Mumbles may sound like a moron, but he’s not.  He, like the regressive commies who parroted him (notably Twinkle Toes over in Chicago), understands very well that what he was saying and what he intended to do was illegal.  What conservatives just can’t seem to grasp, though many say they do and even get the language right when they say it, is that to communists (and let’s stop pretending that we’re dealing with anything else, please) the law is more of a guideline . . . sometimes only for other people.  If the law can be used to their advantage, they’ll do that (we see this in the constant lawsuits regarding God and religion, for instance), but, and here’s the thing conservatives don’t get, if it doesn’t work to their advantage, they have zero problem ignoring it completely.

We have plenty of evidence of how little the law means to leftists.  Off the top of my head: we have cities across the country that are self-proclaimed “sanctuary cities” in which illegal immigrants will be free from immigration laws, we have the WH stating that it will not defend the Defense of Marriage Act, we have the DOJ’s “unofficial” stance on not prosecuting crimes committed by black people against white people, we have a president who can unilaterally order the death of American citizens whom he–and only he–thinks are “terrorists,” and we have, only a couple weeks ago, the president illegally creating new law by giving certain illegal immigrants effective amnesty.  These aren’t outliers, this is how the left actually thinks.  If they like a law, they’ll use it to the end of time (and in ways we wouldn’t even imagine), but if they don’t, they’ll simply ignore it.  We know this, but some conservatives, just don’t “get” it or at least don’t “get” what it means.

For leftists, nothing is more important than the end goal.  Nothing.  No law, no moral, no ethic, no nothing.  “The ends justify the means” is their rallying call.  If they can convince themselves that the horrors they inflict, the illegal or immoral acts they commit, are for The Greater Good, then there are literally no means that are off-limits.  None.  Zero.  Zilch.

Every time they do something outrageous or illegal for some aspect of The Greater Good (Fast and Furious, anyone?), we go into “national discussion” mode or we become outraged (righteously, yes) by their means (our government running guns to Mexican drug lords, resulting in the deaths of two border control agents and 200+ Mexican citizens).  And we should.  But we forget to look at the underlying motive, the ends that they seek to achieve.  Connecting the dots is difficult, it’s time consuming, and it’s frightening as hell.

But we have to face it, and the first step to doing that is truly comprehending that we are not dealing with JFK Democrats, we are not dealing with people just like us (only, you know, confused, or misguided, ill-informed, or “wrong”).  We’re dealing with a DOJ that won’t state that they won’t support a proposal to criminalize speech against any religion.  We are dealing with people who fundamentally loathe America and all that she stands for (the evidence for this is massive, if only we’d look at it); we are dealing with people who seek not just to undermine our free-market capitalist principles but our entire Constitutional Republic. And we are dealing with people who have no boundaries at all when it comes to this goal.  None.  They will do and say anything to achieve their ends, even as they know that they are harming real people, forcing their fellow human beings to adhere to something that they don’t believe in, destroying liberty and individual freedoms.  They are not wrong, they are, truly, evil.

Until we all understand that, fully and completely, we will lose.  We will continue to flail ineffectively at their means–be that illegally banning restaurants or moving against the Second Amendment or seeking to control political and religious speech–without once countering the ends to which they aspire.  Mumbles and Twinkle Toes have back-tracked, but don’t think for one minute that they don’t believe that they have every right to flout the law, any law, to police thought, to squash free speech, to do whatever it takes to “perfect” our “imperfect Union.” 

Fuzzy Faux News Exclusive: President Obama Clarifies His “You Didn’t Build That” Remarks

We at Fuzzy’s Faux News Network were thrilled to contact President Obama and go over his Roanoke remarks about the tiny and selfish role of private business in the American economy.  The GOP and their RAAAACIST followers are trying to take those patriotic remarks out of context, so we reached out to Teh most high Won for clarification.

Here are his original, tingle-inspiring words from Roanoke:

We actually scooped his own campaign on this rebuttal of the way the GOP is using his own words taking his words out of context, having received his handwritten notes–he has lovely handwriting, by the way, and uses a lovely variety of crayon colors to express himself–prior to the airing of the following clarification:

Our clarification is, we feel, more clarifyingly clarifying than even this most edifying ad, and we run it in its clearly clarifying clarity below.  When we couldn’t quite make out some of his statements (yellow crayon really doesn’t show up that well), we follow Teh most righteous Won’s lead and go more by what he should have said than what he actually said, even if he said “what I said was” . . .  and then said something that was never said.

[Editors Note: We regret that we could not scan and present the president’s original response, but the crayons kept smearing on our scanner and our editor in chief almost blew a gasket when she saw the waxy smudges.]

The president’s actual Roanoke speech is in itals , and his added clarifications exclusively for Fuzzy’s Faux News are in regular font (and of course the full context of his remarks is posted above, it’s so clear in the full context how much our Dear Leader understands and supports traditional American values that we want to make sure you can access the full context easily in the full context of his context):

We’ve already made a trillion dollars’ worth of cuts.  We can make some more cuts in programs that don’t work, and make government work more efficiently…We can make another trillion or trillion-two, and what we then do is ask for the wealthy to pay a little bit more …

What I said here was that the rich aren’t paying their fair share.  I always say that, so you know it’s what I said, even if the words aren’t exactly right.  If those rich would just fork up that “trillion-two,” we’d be doing just fine.

There are a lot of wealthy, successful Americans who agree with me, because they want to give something back.  They know they didn’t -look, if you’ve been successful, you didn’t get there on your own.  You didn’t get there on your own.  I’m always struck by people who think, well, it must be because I was just so smart.  There are a lot of smart people out there.  It must be because I worked harder than everybody else.  Let me tell you something – there are a whole bunch of hardworking people out there.

When I said successful people didn’t get their on their own (twice), I clearly meant that they did (I’ve got an ad explaining it and everything).  It’s not rocket science, minions.  It’s fact.  Everyone is just as smart and just as hard-working as everyone else.  If some people somehow manage to get rich and successful–and I’m really not sure how that happens with everyone being identical (except me, of course), so I ignore it completely in my worldview–they have this idea like, “hey! I made that happen, it must have been my hard work and intellect in my field.”  Nope.  I reject that.  Even though I think it’s true now that everyone’s picking on me and talking about me like I’m a dog.

All people deserve the exact same thing; that’s just fair.  So if someone works over a hundred hours a week for years on end, sacrifices for their family, goes into debt to make their dream come true, they don’t deserve any more of that success (either in actual money or in claiming to be “successful” or “smart” or “hardworking.”  Who cares about crap like that?!)  than someone who sits on welfare and watches their big screen tv, using food stamps to buy lobster.  See?  If that person wasn’t on welfare and using food stamps, there’d be no economy, no roads . . . wait, I get to the roads thing next.  But my point here is that all successful people are the exact same in every single way as the unsuccessful and that each depends on the other in some weird way that I don’t understand fully.

If you were successful, somebody along the line gave you some help.  There was a great teacher somewhere in your life.  Somebody helped to create this unbelievable American system that we have that allowed you to thrive.  Somebody invested in roads and bridges.  If you’ve got a business. you didn’t build that.  Somebody else made that happen.  The Internet didn’t get invented on its own.  Government research created the Internet so that all the companies could make money off the Internet.

So here’s the roads part.  This is the part the meanies are bashing me with and taking out of context.  Well, what I meant to say is that . . . look, they have roads in Cuba.  And bridges.  In fact, most countries in the world have roads and bridges and the internet.  So they have to have wealth, global power, and success, right?  Well, okay, erm, one second . . . so somehow things are different in America.  Oh never mind, that’s not important because I’m working day and night to change that!

We know, intellectually, that big government means big success; the more we in the government do for and to you  . . .  with your money, the more you prosper.  That’s communism 101.  So yeah, you think you’re smarter and harder working, *scoff*, think that! But where would you be without roads and bridges?  And the internet?  Without someone else making all that happen, you wouldn’t even exist.  How would your dad have met your mom if he couldn’t drive on a road or call her on the phone, which was also, by the way, invented by the government.  In fact, without the government, no one would even know how to have sex properly.  You wouldn’t have been conceived without the government, for My sake!

The point is, is that when we succeed, we succeed because of our individual initiative, but also because we do things together.  There are some things, just like fighting fires, we don’t do on our own.  I mean, imagine if everybody had their own fire service.  That would be a hard way to organize fighting fires.

You know, I’m not actually sure why I said this.  It makes no sense at all.  But the whole idea of people trying to put out fires alone makes me giggle.  Maybe that’s why I said it?

So we say to ourselves, ever since the founding of this country, you know what, there are some things we do better together.  That’s how we funded the GI Bill.  That’s how we created the middle class.  That’s how we built the Golden Gate Bridge or the Hoover Dam.  That’s how we invented the Internet.  That’s how we sent a man to the moon.  We rise or fall together as one nation and as one people, and that’s the reason I’m running for president – because I still believe in that idea.  You’re not on your own, we’re in this together.

Oh! I see now, get it?  I say that government does do some good, so it must be ALL good all the time, in every way, in every aspect of your life.  Get it!?  Fires need firefighters who are public workers, so that automatically means that you don’t really count as a person.  You’re one of the great collective who sent a man to the moon and sold your individuality, personal responsibility, opportunity, and freedom for a dam.  A damned fine dam at that!

That’s how I see it, anyway, and I think I’m right.  That’s the choice in this election.  Do you want to be on your own with no firefighters and dams, or do you want to be a subject, a number?  Clearly, that’s the choice.  There is nothing else.  Just all government all the time or none, none at all.  So there!  (and yes, I’m the smartest person in the whole big wide world and in all of history and for all time ever.  So there!)  So decide.  Do you want to live under tyranny or anarchy?  That’s the choice here, that’s the decision.  Forget that stupid old Constitution, we’re beyond that “Republic” stuff, time to think either / or, all or nothing.

And did I mention that I’m among the greatest thinkers evah?!