Fuzzy’s Faux News: AGW Out, EGF In

January 1, 2024

In the wake of Guam tipping over and sinking into the Pacific Ocean last month, Representative Hank Johnson (D-GA) is being hailed as a prophet.  His prescient question at a House Armed Services Committee in 2010 was mocked far and wide at the time, but Prophet Johnson is having the last laugh.  And laugh he is, though he is insistent that he finds no humor in the hundreds of thousands of people who were killed in The Great Guam Capsizing (TGGC) of 2023.

Emperor King High Messiah Obama was quick to reach out to Prophet Johnson and seek his wise counsel as ObamAmerika searches for ways to address the deep problems that TGGC revealed.  Stating his firm resolve to protect not only ObamAmerika but the world from such future catastrophes, Emperor King High Messiah Obama has reestablished his political scientist teams from back in the days before His High and Most Revered Government single-handedly stopped anthropomorphic global warming (AGW) in the twenty-teens, allowing us all freedom from fossil fuel energy and from the burdens of a booming economy.

March 2, 2024

Following two months of imaginative brain-storming and story boarding, Emperor King High Messiah Obama’s crack team of political scientists have discovered the irrefutable and now-settled fact, truth, verity that the earth’s gravitational field (EGF) is in clear and present danger.  Citing the fact that Guam never corrected (the scientific term is “uncapsized”) as well as some convincing scientific evidence having to do with faulty gravity fields and imbalanced, unfair distribution of the globe’s populace, the team has concluded that the entire planet is, once again, in danger of complete destruction.  If the world’s people are not moved to strategic locations to counter-balance the earth’s axis and reestablish the EGF within five (5) years, the report reveals, the EGF will cease to function, and everything that is not rooted will float into space.  Everything not latched down will cause massive space littering, and all people and animals (insects, fish, etc.) will die when they become “de-gravitized” by the loss of the EGF.

“Time is of the essence,” intoned Emperor King High Messiah Obama.  “ObamAmerika will rise to the challenge and set the example for the global community.  Prophet Johnson will begin immediately identifying at-risk islands–those most likely to capsize before our full plan to realign the planet and restore the EGF can be implemented.  From these islands, the people and their heavier belongings will be relocated to the stabilizer regions identified by our great nation’s greatest scientists.”

“To that end,” continued Emperor King High Messiah Obama, “I am proud to disband and reassign all ObamAmerika military forces as follows: the Navy (and its Marine contingent) will become the EGF U-Haul Division, responsible for packing and loading moving vans, ships, etc.; the Air Force will be the “eyes in the sky,” alerting hundreds of executive branch agencies to any signs of potential capsizing of the world’s islands.  They will continue in this function until the population can be fully moved to the EGF stabilizer free zones; the Army will be the construction crews who will begin at once building EGF-friendly federal family communities in those areas (aka EGF stabilizer zones or EGFSZs) deemed essential to maintaining the planet’s EGF.  Other military structures and organizations, such as the Coast Guard, will be put to good use for The Greater Good that is yet to be determined.”

Emperor King High Messiah Obama then rallied the people of ObamAmerika as only He can: “Arise, my children, my loving and loyal pets!  Answer the call of your Leader, your Country, the World!  Begin now!  Destroy your heavier–and therefore destructive to the earth’s gravitational field–appliances, turn in your cars, trucks, and other large, heavy possessions to the nearest Government Office for the Protection of Gravity.  Do it now, and be vastly rewarded when you are moved to the new EGF zones of concentrated population that will–I promise!–restore the earth’s gravitational field! Period.”

“Only this move will secure the future gravitational stability of the planet, and you will be fed government-approved nutritional gruel, housed in mile-high dormitories, assigned work and leisure time; your life will have new meaning as you work with me to stop the reversal of gravity that threatens all living, half-living, once-living, soon-to-be-living, and may never live but still deserve dignity and respect and tolerance and My love!”

June 23, 2024

As the six regional ObamAmerika EGF zones fill up with people who have been redistributed to meet the planet’s gravitational needs, there has been a lot of resistance from the once-thought effectively silenced and disbanded so-called conservative and libertarian groups.  These groups do still exist despite their being outlawed under penalty of death by our Most High Obama in late November of 2016 after he dismantled Congress, rewrote the Constitution, and brought the Supreme Court into the Executive Branch.

Although we are loathe to give credence to these radical, anti-science zealots, some of their messaging appears to be hampering the Great Cause of Our Time, EGF.  With that in mind, we want to address their ridiculous claims so that you, dear readers and loyal ObamAmerikans, will not trouble your heads with their flights of fancy.  Remember, these are the same laughable morons who claim that Ted Cruz actually won the 2016 presidential election that, only by happenstance, preceded the Emperor King High Messiah Obama’s proper restructuring of the old “America” and its dated, clunky government apparatus laid out in that silly, almost-forgotten “Constitution.”

These groups argue several points that are, frankly and by this ObamAmerikan reporter’s word of honor, disgraceful, treasonous, and blasphemous against Emperor King High Messiah Obama’s unchallenged Messiahdom.  They say that Guam did not capsize, that the majority of the people of Guam were annihilated by ObamAmerika nuclear bombs, that the few survivors have been broadcasting from that lost island via (get this!) ham radio, that the earth’s gravitational field is not at risk, that the EGF crisis is but a means to an end first dreamed up in the last century and having to do with the UN’s Agenda 21, and a few other silly assertions (for example, that the EGF crisis is yet another “hoax” like the hole in the ozone and the AGW threat. Imagine!).

These claims are easily refuted, of course.  Guam did capsize and we know this because the Great and Marvelous Truth-Teller Obama has told us so.  We also have pictures that clearly depict open expanses of ocean where we have been told Guam once stood.  Their treasonous claims that they have accessed the long-defunct Google Earth and have satellite images of the island, still upright, make this claim all the more laughable.  No one can access that awful, treasonous technology.  Emperor King High Messiah Obama has told us that it is no longer accessible.  Case closed.  Ditto the claims of nuclear bombs and “ham” radio!  And who are they, troglodytes and illiterates one and all, to claim they have any knowledge of the complex science of gravity?  Ha!  We at FNN scoff openly at these claims!  As to that old boogey-man the UN’s Agenda 21; no one is forcing anyone to move to the EGF stabilizer free zones!  ObamAmerikans are simply being given their own free choice: move to these zones as patriots and free citizens of the planet or be killed on the spot as a traitor and threat to global gravitational stability.  They have a choice here, after all, so it’s not “tyranny” as they claim.

We urge you to join the truly enlightened citizens of ObamAmerika and reject the childish, anti-intellectual ideas perpetrated by traitors and terrorists.  Anyone with two brain cells to rub together knows that what Emperor King High Messiah Obama and the Prophet Johnson say is final and true; add in the entire scientific community, who all agree with no dissent whatsoever of any kind ever, that the EGF crisis is real, and you can clearly see who is on the right side of history here.


Obama’s Illegal War Led To Benghazi Terror Attack

Okay, this is the last straw on Benghazi for me.  Now the Coward in Chief is blaming the CIA for his own failures . . . or were they failures from his perspective? That, to me, is the real question here.

So let’s look back, shall we, to why we were even in Libya in the first place.  Remember the time that Obama went to Congress and got the Constitutionally-required approval to take military action in Libya?  Remember how Libya was a clear and direct threat to the United States?  Remember the required roll call votes from both houses of Congress before any such military action can take place? No? Well, that’s because none of that happened.  Obama decided, seemingly on a whim, to take America to war with the UN’s authorization, not that of the United States Congress.  Here’s what he said at the time:

“Today,” Obama said on March 19, “I authorized the Armed Forces of the United States to begin a limited military action in Libya in support of an international effort to protect Libyan civilians. That action has now begun. In this effort, the United States is acting with a broad coalition that is committed to enforcing United Nations Security Council Resolution 1973, which calls for the protection of the Libyan people.” (source link)

Yes, you read that right, Obama unilaterally decided to take America to war with Libya.  He did not, as President Bush did in Iraq, seek and obtain the approval and support of Congress.  Obama’s a “global citizen,” and his authority, he seems to imagine, comes from the world, not the American people.  He truly sees himself as above both the Constitution and Congress, and he started the war in Libya that was so mismanaged, so ill-conceived, so horribly executed that the direct result of his hubris and illegal, unconstitutional action was the horrific rape and slaughter of an American ambassador and the murders of two former SEALs and an embassy aid.

Christopher Stevens, Tyrone Woods, Glen Doherty, and Sean Smith died as the direct result not only of Obama’s immensely-misguided illegal war in Libya but also because the Obama administration was desperate not to draw attention to the war and made serious lapses in judgement to cover their tracks.  For months, the Libyan ambassador’s staff, including its security staff, requested more security.  And were denied.  Not only were they denied the additional security they requested, but they also had much of what security they once had removed, against the ambassador’s objections.  This was in August, after the UK saw which way the wind was blowing and withdrew their diplomats and staff from Benghazi in June.  Not Obama.  He insisted that they remain there, effectively unprotected, on the anniversary of 9/11 and in the midst of Islamic terrorists.

We now know that once the attack was launched, the WH and State Department knew within two (2) hours that the attack was a terrorist attack.  We also now know that not one, as originally thought, but two (2) “stand down” orders were issued to any and all nearby American forces that could intervene and protect the ambassador and his staff.  And we further know that only the president can issue “stand down” orders in these instances.  We also know, of course, that both Tyrone Woods and Glen Doherty, former Navy SEALs who were in a nearby CIA annex, ignored those direct orders and attempted a rescue.  All this talk about how a rescue was impossible, forces too far away, etc. are clearly lies.

After the attack, Obama noted that the deaths of an American ambassador and three other American citizens was “not optimal,” and he insisted that the terrorist attack that he knew full-well was just that was instead the result of a YouTube video.  Imagine!  Both he and Hillary said this with a straight face; indeed, Hillary looked the mothers of the fallen former SEALs in the eye and told them that she would ensure that the video’s creator would be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.  Let that sink in.  I’m sure the still-imprisoned film-maker thinks of little else than his being a “patsy” who was thrown in prison to protect Obama and Hillary.

[Edited to add] And let’s not get too caught up in the latest lies that Obama didn’t know what was going on in Benghazi.  Remember this photo that came out the next day, on 9/12/12:

Ambassador Stephens_BenghaziAnd remember how we all laughed in disbelief when Obama stated that same day that these people were actually dragging the ambassador to the hospital?  Well, it turns out that he was right, that he did know what he was talking about, because we found out during last week’s Benghazi hearing that Ambassador Stevens was taken–get this–to a hospital run by the very terrorist group that had attacked the embassy.  Gee, I wonder why he “disappeared” for several hours and what horrors he faced if he was still alive at that point.  So on day two, Obama not only knows that the attack was a terror attack but exactly where the missing ambassador’s body was. [end edit]

So what do we have here?  A president who unilaterally and illegally takes our military to war in Libya, removes security from diplomats when other nations are removing their diplomats, issues orders that any and all nearby responding forces to the terrorist attack “stand down,” and then tries to hide the fact it was a terrorist attack at all.  Remember, he knew within two hours that a terror attack took place but for weeks afterwards, including in an address to the UN, he blamed the video.  He even had the temerity to spend American taxpayer money to run ads in the Middle East apologizing for the flipping video!  I have no words.

And now, the Obama White House is so desperate to distract attention from Benghazi that it’s willing to admit that its IRS was targeting, intimidating, and silencing conservative, pro-life, and Christian organizations (I write “was,” but we don’t know that it’s stopped or that it won’t start again when the heat is off).  Remember, we wouldn’t even know about the IRS thuggery if the IRS itself hadn’t said something about it.  What on earth could be so explosive about Benghazi that the president is willing to show his true Chicago-style, thug-like use of the IRS to strong-arm his political opposition in direct violation of both laws and the Constitution?

Open Letter to President Obama: This Nation Simply Doesn’t Deserve You

Dear President Obama,

Despite your valiant efforts to cast the pearls of your vision for a “fundamental transformation” of America before the loutish, bitterly-clinging swine who call themselves Americans, you seem to have failed.  And oh, no, Mr. President, please don’t misunderstand me, this is not your failure; you are a man above all others, a visionary who sees the past and strives to achieve regressive goals where all others failed.  No, this is America’s failure.

Despite one hundred years of conditioning, Americans just aren’t ready for your efforts to breathe new life into an agenda once laughably believed to be dead because of its utter failure (and sure, a few hundred million dead, but hey! that’s the price you pay for Utopia. I get that).  But America, this woefully backward failed nation, is just not worthy of your efforts.  It’s a nation of horrors, war-mongering, greed, and . . . a bunch of other really bad stuff.

We know this because look at the resistance your courageous and bold efforts for The Greater Good have been met with:  “people waving tea bags around,” people who don’t “thank” you for your efforts to increase their taxes and ensure that more and more people are on food stamps, unemployment, and welfare, people who–let’s face it–simply refuse, stubbornly and against their own best interests, to embrace your most excellent and backward-looking brand of “change.”  These people don’t want your help, Sir, they just want to bumble along with that ridiculous “Constitutional Republic” and their “document of negative liberties.”  They are rigidly determined to thwart your best efforts to guide them, to show them that they are much better off if they, like the fabulous Julia–who depends on no man, only the government for assistance (was there ever a more compelling example of women’s equality and ability?), accept your guiding hand and your benevolent, absolute authority.

Instead, these people, these so-called Americans, these capitalist swine, these lovers of “freedom” (how over-rated is that?! How dated!) insist on defending their tired old selfish ways, insisting that equal justice and equal opportunity are better than social or environmental or racial justice and opportunity.  I mean, really!  How nuts is that?  These ignorant people with their fanciful ideas about a free market and a free people are beneath you.  Have you heard them mumbling inanely about how they get rights not from you, our President and Dear Leader, but from . . . wait for it! . . . their “Creator”?  How can you work with these “pro-America,” “pro-God” types who keep willfully misunderstanding your carefully-crafted message?  Why would you even want to do so?

Mr. President, this nation simply doesn’t deserve you.

Look at the way they reject your brilliant take-over of 1/6th of the economy with your “Affordable Healthcare Act.”  Look at the way they stomp their feet when you simply try to “rule” them as is your rightful place!  Look at the way they point to your logical attempts to ensure utter control over their lives and call it “overreach.”  Look at the way they call you a liar simply because you know best how to explain things to them so they’ll like them (and they still don’t! Such disobedience!).  Look at the way they mock you and everything you do; you, the man who inspired such elementary school hits as the “Mmm mmm mmm” song!  It’s unconscionable.

No, Mr. President, you are a man of and for a different era, an era in which the masses understood that they needed a supreme ruler.  You are, after all, a man of such historic and unprecedented potential that even the Nobel committee acknowledged it!  You are a man who wants to force your benevolence and vision on an undeserving nation.  That, I respectfully submit, is beneath you both as a Global Citizen, Visionary, and Ruler and as a man.  Why would you want to lift up and help these despicable rubes?  Why would you waste your time on a people who neither recognize your greatness nor respect it?  Why would you, in short, seek to impose your miraculous vision on such undeserving, ungrateful, unwashed masses?

No, Mr. President, your calling, great and wondrous as it is, must be greater, perhaps to lead the greater nations of this world: the Irans, the Venezualas, the Egypts, and the Syrias.  Heck, I imagine that the EU would be thrilled to have your most excellent, most high understanding of the world and the order you seek to establish.  Ignore these American ingrates, and set your sights on your higher calling where you can pursue your deepest desires amongst throngs who not only acknowledge your greatness but embrace it.  Go global.  America, so horribly out of touch with the rest of the world, is simply beneath you.  Leave it be.  They’ll fall under their own twisted ideas of “freedom” and that quaint notion of “American exceptionalism” . . .  not to mention that the whole checks and balances / three co-equal branches thing is truly hampering your ability to “get things done.” “Co-equal” is just not acceptable.  You must “rule”!

You belittle yourself by associating yourself with the people of America, with the nation of America.  Best to turn your back on her, her people, and her past.  It’s time, Sir, to move on to greener and redder pastures.  Your boundless greatness is wasted here, your magical presence rejected by the stubborn and “free-spirited” American people.  This cannot be tolerated, you must renounce your American citizenship in favor of global citizenship, set an example for the brave who know that globalism is the future!  You must turn your back on a nation that will never support you or your vision.

Mr. President, with all due respect, it would be best for you and for the world if you rejected your party’s nomination for a second term.  There is much to be done in the world, Sir, and only you–let’s face it–can get it done.  America is weighing you down, embarrassing you with its wealth, ideals, opportunity, morality, and exceptionalism.  You can do better.

Sincerely hoping you choose not to seek a second term,


Greed, Revolution, and Stuff

So I wasn’t intending to write about that rabble down on that street (mainly because I didn’t want to add to it, even by opposing it–I remember how much strength we in the TEA Party got from leftist opposition).  But here I am, having watched the videos and read the news coverage, writing about it in sort of random thoughts/observations mode; I don’t feel they deserve the time and effort a “real” post would require (those of you reading this do, and for that I can only say I’ll come up with a “real” post on something else one of these days).  In the meantime:


Okay, let’s think about this.  There’s no doubt, none at all, that there are greedy bankers, greedy people in big oil, and the Fed (this last a nod to the Ron Paul followers who’ve blindly joined the useful idiots, more on them later).  There’s no doubt that capitalism, by its very nature, can–and does–succumb to greed.  But here’s the rub:  what is more greedy than seeing someone with something you want and demanding it just because . . . they have it and you don’t? Or they “stole” it ? Not really “stolen,” right?  They did what the law allowed, and what the law didn’t allow, they should be prosecuted for under the law.  The laws we don’t like can be changed using the system for changing laws in this country.  It’s slow, but it works. 

“Gimme!” is pretty much the echoing rallying cry of those losers.  Yeah, that’s swell, and they’re calling bankers “greedy”?  Seriously?

Useful Idiots

We’ve already seen the mindless repetition of whatever is said to them (there was more of this when the Grand Dame of “Revolution,” Frances Fox Piven doddered down there this week), but what really struck me was their post on some site (I don’t follow their drivel, but people I read do, so I’ve picked up enough to “get” it.).  Jim over at Gateway Pundit has the piece, but in essence, the loons who released the “demands” (omg, are those hilarious! And scary) scolded those who did so for making them all look like extremist nutjobs and brain-dead morons (okay, I added that last part).

And here’s where it gets amusing.  And revealing.  And validating.  This organizer person told the flock of willfully ignorant sheep to stop posting demands, to delete demands, and to . . . wait for it . .. wait for the organizers (yet to be revealed) and lawyers to tell them what they are supposed to want, and, it follows, what to think.  Good grief. 

TEA Party

Needless to say, you can stop any TEA Party patriot or other patriot involved in the conservative ascendency and ask what they stand for and why, and what do you know? Each and every one will be able to tell you.  There may be minor variations or differing emphases, but because we are united in defense of one thing–our constitutional republic, America the Beautiful, we don’t need “organizers and lawyers” to tell us what our message is or what to say, think, or be.  The very idea is absurd to us (that’s why we’ll win, by the way).  

Anyway, so I was flipping through channels the other night (honestly looking for something to take my mind off the horrors, maybe Spongebob or Project Runway), and I heard the words “TEA Party,” so I stopped flipping to hear what was being said.  And what to my wondering eyes should appear but an MSNBC loon actually praising the TEA Party and claiming “solidarity” with us.  This from a man who said–waaaaay back in the distant, dusty past, all but lost now in the mists of the intervening . . . year–that the TEA Party wants to “kill blacks and Jews.”

Now, if that doesn’t let you know, flat out and in your face, that this “movement” is not for us, nothing will.  Being co-opted not only by unions/the WH but now, too, by MSNBC–MSNBC!–, and this in addition to former “green” czar still hate-filled “revolutionary” Van Jones, is not exactly my cup of tea.

Libertarians beware

You may be hearing the siren call of these people, but don’t succumb to it.  Those aren’t just rocks that you’re being summoned to crash upon but something much more dangerous.  This movement is not unplanned and spontaneous (they have their own newspaper, for goodness’ sake! It’s got Coffee Party, No-Labels Party astroturf written all over it.  Written all over the the “movement,” not the newspaper. heh).  This “movement” is not about anything close to the kind of paradise total freedom islands of self-reliance and personal responsibility that sweeten your soul.  This is about, and unless we are very very careful will become, totalitarianism.

It’s the shape of that totalitarianism we don’t know; the goal itself is rather clear given its leaders, sponsors, and the assorted radicals who are being drawn like moths to a flame.   That flame will spark, just as it did in the ’60’s, and people will die, just as they did in the ’60’s.  Don’t go there.


There are not a few revolutionaries down there (exclusive of the useful idiots who are truly clueless about this soon-to-turn-(more)violent mess).  There’s a whole stew of them: La Raza, radical Islamofascists, and leftist socialists, anarchists, and communists.  I haven’t seen any reports of the NBPP down there, but if they’re not yet, they will be.  Stoking these revolutionaries are the likes of Cornell West and Piven (both linked above), and I’m sure it won’t be long before Bill Ayers and his lovely lunatic wife, Bernadine Dohrn, can no longer contain their nostalgic reflections on the violence of their terrorist group the Weather Underground to go join–and stir up–the mindless minions of their much-longed for “revolution.”  

Possible Outcomes

I think we can all see quite clearly at this point that more violence than we’ve already seen will definitely occur.  Personally, I feel bad for the police who have to deal with these unruly but organized mobs, but it seems pretty clear that they’ll continue to be provoked, to be pushed, and it will all likely explode into violence, looting, property damage.  And probably pretty soon.  If (When?) that happens . . . well, any number of things can happen.  Certainly, the National Guard will be called in, maybe even military units (this was done in a couple of the worst-hit cities in the 60’s).

I’m not interested, now, in wondering about that set of “what ifs” but instead about the set that involves these “frenemies” who are all using each other to forward their own, selfish, cause.  Because the problem is that their end goals are all different.  The Fox Piven “revolutionaries” want some kind of socialist utopia, the Bill Ayers/Dohrn group wants some kind of “peaceful communism” (an oxymoron if ever there was one considering part of the plan involved the slaughter of 25 million Americans who couldn’t be “reeducated”), the Van Jones “revolutionaries” want something that would look very like communism but would have added elements of black supremacy, unions want . . . well, who the hell knows if they can think beyond this moment, and the Islamofascists, of course, want their very own caliphate-thingy.  And that’s not even taking into account Soros’ “open society” dream of global dominance and tyranny (we know he’s got a hand in this because of the WH and BO connections to the “protests.”).  BO probably just wants to win another term, so he can continue a more “controlled decline“; I’m sure he sees all this as a means to an end and thinks it will end upon his reelection next November (if elections are held, anyway).  All in all, not really compatible goals.

Some of the conflicts are already playing out.  The 60’s radicals hate, despise, hate, loathe, and hate the “fascist” police.  This, of course, is a throw back to when the police were the armed arm of “the man.”  While these aging radicals are now “the man,” they’ve clung to this notion, making them not only more ridiculous than ever, but clearly incapable of critical thinking.  Anyway, so they’re out provoking “the fascist pigs” into all sorts of unfortunate behaviors (some do seem over the top, but good grief, imagine being stuck in that writhing morass of stinky humanity and listening to their screams, taunts, threats, and mindless droning.), and “the pigs” are responding, some of them poorly.  But here’s the (other) rub: the police in NYC and many cities and towns across the nation are unionized.  Unions are part of the craziness.  How all this plays out, who knows, but there are a lot of internal conflicts amongst these nuts.

So let’s pretend they get their way, and they manage to somehow (and I don’t think it at all likely) topple the United States, invalidate/burn/whatever the Constitution, and prepare to build on the smoldering wreckage.  How’s that going to work?  Are they going to fight amongst themselves, killing off the weaker groups?  Or will they stay united until everyone has been brought in line?  *Shrug*  Then again, I guess we don’t have to worry about it because if it gets to that point, we’ll all be either dead or organizing our own response to the last group standing.

Then again

This may be just what it appears: a group of economically- (and intellectually-) challenged misfits camping in NYC with an inchoate message and unclear “demands” that mysteriously inspired like-minded (!?) groups to magically manifest across the country.  Then they spontaneously published their own newspaper somehow, somehow got a PR firm involved (along with a bunch of lawyers), coincidentally spoke to the hearts of everyone from union leaders to ’60’s radicals to Islamofascists to Congressional Democrats.  All without any clear message or governing principle or reason for being.  Yeah, that’s probably all it is.  Nothing to see here.  



Fuzzy’s Faux News: Plugging That Hole, Being CIC, and the New International Order

May 25, 2010
Plugging That Hole, A Teachable Moment

In an uncharacteristic display of emotion over the horrors of what Big Oil is doing to our precious planet following the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico, President Obama ordered his team to “plug the damn hole.”  This show of strength and decisiveness was breathtaking (indeed, one of my colleagues swooned).  Eager to meet the president’s expectations that the hole, damned by the president himself, be plugged, the administration began working with congressional democrats to craft an emergency act that will entail allocating several trillion dollars in taxpayer monies.

The EPA and Janet Napolitano–the latter after being shown a map with the world’s oceans, seas, and gulfs to ensure she arrived at the correct body of water–are overseeing the plugging of the hole with ten dollar bills.  Originally, the plan was to use one dollar bills, but when Republicans pointed out that this idea was, what they called, “ludicrous,” the administration, in yet another attempt to work with these obstinate obstructionists, decided to use tens as a compromise.

The operation is expected to begin immediately, and America’s children are being asked to break open their piggy banks and exchange all monies for ten dollar bills and send them to the EPA to help with this tricky operation.  This, the president announced, would build moral fiber and be an “investment in a cleaner world.” 

26 May 2010
The Unbearable Lightness of Being CIC

There has been some backlash against the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces not attending the traditional Memorial Day ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery.  The hate-mongering Republicans and astroturf “Tea Party” people obviously didn’t hear President Obama’s marvelous remarks when he announced that he was sending 30,000 troops to Afghanistan.  He made it very clear that he did not take that decision lightly and that he appreciates the sacrifice and dedication of the troops.  He said it.  Republicans ignore what he said and focus instead on his actions.  Not only is this a sign, well-known and documented, of racism, but it’s also another in a long line of near-seditious critiques of the best president we’ve ever had.

The president’s job, as he tells us often, is to work for the “common good.”  As one source close to the White House explains, “the president sees these ceremonies as outdated and is setting new and exciting presidential precedent by downplaying his public role as CIC; after all, this war-mongering role besmirches one who has evolved to the level that our exalted president has achieved and is unbearable to he who prefers not to interact directly with the military except for photo ops.”

28 May 2010
The New World International Order: Obama Leads By Example

Following the success of President Calderon’s plan for American response to the illegal immigration issue on our southern border, President Obama has now put President Kim Jong Il in charge of America’s nuclear disarmament and Osama bin Laden in charge of America’s war on terror Islamic Outreach Program.  This announcement was enthusiastically met by Democrats who leapt to their feet to applaud the move.  They then began an interesting dance on the floor of the Senate that looked like a cross between SNL’s Church Lady’s “superior dance” and the Macarena, a true melding of cultures.

The festive mood was heightened as the president (Obama) announced that talks are underway to offer Hugo Chavez the job of overseeing our economy and that President Ahmadinejad is being tapped to lead negotiations with Israel on behalf of the United States.  These moves, the administration believes, will not only open a dialogue with the great leaders of our time but will also model the “open” international order that the president promotes.  President Obama is urging other world leaders to follow his lead.