Fuzzy’s Faux News: President’s Obama’s Racial Parity Plan

April 11, 2014

Among the announcements that the Obama administration made today was the exciting mention of a plan to ensure racial fairness and equality in America.  Distressed that African Americans make up only 14% of the American population, the Obama administration is in talks with the designers of China’s “One Child” policy to hammer out a means of growing this important segment of our population.  The goal is to limit the number of children that whites and, to a lesser extent, Hispanics and other non-African Americans can have, so that the African American population can grow to equal the number of whites over the next three decades.  The details of this plan have not been revealed, but some that have been released include a halt to all births of whites for a decade and a restriction on the number of children whites (and others, not African American) can have in the two decades that follow.

Another detail that was revealed is the potentially-controversial banning of abortion among America’s African American population; however, this ban will not affect access to this vital healthcare treatment for whites and, to a lesser degree, Hispanics, Asians, and those races that are difficult to codify but that are definitely not African American.  “This is a matter not only of national security, the nation’s economy, the environment, childhood obesity, and gun control” Obama noted at a recent fund-raiser/golf outing, “but it is a vital step in ensuring that the black voice is heard in America.  Can you imagine any other nation on earth allowing such a disparity in numbers of its voting demographics population segments as we have here? It just doesn’t happen in the 21st century.  This racial injustice, this disenfranchisement of the black voice must be remedied!”

Some have noted that this will mean a sharp decline in abortions because African Americans make up the majority of all aborted babies in many states.  Noting the concern of abortion care providers who are worried they will lose tax payer funding and other revenue, President Obama explained that he was going to make up the loss by requiring that all white women who are carrying a white, potentially white, or suspected white baby have an abortion.  This, he assures us, will only be in place for one decade, to “give others a chance.  It’s only fair that the African American population meet the numbers of the white population.  How can anyone reject this fundamental premise that Jesus talks about in the Bible and that such stars as Pajama Boy and that guy with the hat extol in tax payer funded rap videos?”

There is also some push back from progressives who are, according to President Obama, not adjusting their eugenic vision for the new world order and are “stuck in the 19th Century.”  Upon hearing this charge, the recalcitrant progressives promptly blushed, shuffled their feet uncomfortably, voted by finger up twinkles, and began hailing the president’s wonderful new plan for racial equality.  In a subtle message to Russia’s Vladimir Putin, the president beamed at them and gave a special “shout out” to them for their proper response to his corrective taunt.

April 17, 2014

Responding to outrage from conservatives who are already saying that they will refuse government-mandated abortions and forced sterilization, President Obama remained his usual unruffled, calm, majestic self.  “Some people are calling me a fascist and are talking me about me like I’m a dog because I champion equality, because I stand firm in transforming this nation into the one I envision,” President Obama intoned at a recent pre-taped press conference at which we all watched a video of the president’s remarks.  “These people are unAmerican and are clearly brainwashed by Fox News.  Any white person who does not volunteer for the government sterilization program or agree not to have children for 10, possibly 30ish, years is clearly a racist, maybe even a traitor. All these so-called ‘black conservatives’ who are outraged should add themselves to this list; I hereby deem them no longer black.  And that’s official!”  The video is paused here, and we in the press corpse cheer enthusiastically!  After we quieted down, Jay Carney pushed the “play” button for us.  President Obama concluded, “How can anyone reject the sensible plans for racial equality that I have laid out?  They cannot! Luckily, I have my pen and my phone, and with these, I will ensure that my racial justice, equality, parity, fairest fair fairness for all plan be enforced by every agency from the DOJ to the IRS to the EPA to NASA!”

Support “the” Troops?!

Okay, so I may be a bit over-sensitive in this leftist-ruled semantics-are-king world into which we’ve been thrust, but I was standing at the check-out line at some convenience store and noticed a Bic lighter display:

LCRT1USO_series2At first, I thought, aw, this is great!  I should buy one!  But I looked again and noted that the usual “Support Our Troops” has been replaced by “Support The Troops.”

Hmmm.

I guess I don’t really need to point out the difference, the enormous connotative difference here, so I won’t.  But a little part of me wilted when I saw the “USO” added at the bottom.  To be fair, when you go to the USO page, they do write of “our” troops, our men and women, American patriots and heroes.

Our troops.

But not in this Bic campaign that (apparently) ended late last year.  Here we support “the” troops.  What troops?  Not ours, I guess, but “the” troops.  Some troops, all troops, whatever troops.  Color me touchy, but I don’t like it.

Language matters.

Dear America, I Miss You

Dear America,

I look at you sometimes, lately, and I wonder who you are.  Remember when God, family, flag and country mattered to you?  Remember when you were a melting pot, welcoming legal immigrants into your expansive embrace?  Remember when that meant that people who chose, of their own free will, to come here had to assimilate into their chosen adopted country?  When such immigrants were happy, even proud, to adopt the language and customs of their new, chosen home (or at least to encourage their children to do so)?  Remember when your name inspired pride and unity among your own people and, equally importantly, when that same name inspired (albeit sometimes grudging) respect (and, sometimes, deterrent fear) among the peoples of hostile lands?  Remember when your presidents weren’t longing for a “post-American” world?

I do.  I remember it well, and I miss it, I miss you.  I miss sleeping soundly at night, unafraid of my own government.  I miss awaking (from my now restless sleep) to a world that was relatively (relative to now, that is) peaceful, to a world in which the American president’s “red lines” were actual red lines and that crossing them had consequences, real and dire consequences. Consequences, let’s face it, that were more rhetorical than actionable . . . though if pressed. . . . .I miss knowing that your enemies were ours, that those who would hurt you, hurt me.  Now, it seems, unbelievably, that I am your enemy because I neither agree with nor support the horrible policies of your current president.  Me, an “enemy” of America, land that I love?  It’s just mind-boggling.  How did that happen?

I miss you, America.  You once stood strong beside our allies in Europe and Israel, but now, you do nothing but signal weakness and submissiveness to dangerous nations that once listened very carefully to our soft speech and understood all too well our big stick.

What happened to you, America?

Why are your own people angry and afraid?  Why is there so much despair and heavy sadness across the land?  Why are your people allowing themselves to be pitted one against the other?  Why, America, are you not standing tall?

My America–the old, trite version, apparently–would never fold, would never accept (much less embrace) defeat.  My America, the real America, is not a petri dish for communist ideals and totalitarian tendencies.  No.

Scratch that.

Hell no.

My America, the real you, celebrates unity, not division; encourages patriotism and doesn’t damn it as nationalistic or dangerous; my America believes in its people and doesn’t treat them like half-witted children or pets; my America rejects totalitarianism and embraces liberty and personal responsibility; my America trusts the people.

But . . . well, I have to wonder, is my America still there?   I look at you, today, and I am saddened beyond words.  So many of your people don’t look at and try to understand the failure, for example, that is the welfare state; instead, they blindly seek to expand it.  As if making larger something that doesn’t work will, perhaps miraculously, make it work, you know. . . once it’s big enough:  Gee, my amazing flying machine doesn’t work not because of the laws of physics but simply because it’s not big enough.

Uh huh.

We’ve fed the seemingly bottomless welfare state, catered to every “minority” from blacks to Hispanics to women, and we’ve not made a single dent in poverty since Johnson declared his “war on poverty.”  Instead, we’ve done the opposite and made more poor people, generationally poor people (i.e the people who are, by government’s explicit design, excluded from ever achieving the American Dream).  And at no time is this more evident than during Obama’s “management of America’s decline.”  Your poor are getting poorer, America, no matter their race, but among blacks and Latinos/as, the rate of “new” poverty under Obamanomics is staggering. The first black president is lining the pockets of his political allies, bankers, and health insurers, and his multi-pronged attack on your poor and your middle classes is unprecedented.

But of course this is so, America. Obama wants to make you over, to “fundamentally transform” you, from the richest, strongest, best nation on earth to just another country steeped in corruption, fueled by fear, destined to fail.

Remember when the “norm” after a disaster was for your people to pull together and rebuild (ala Joplin, MO) and not to stand, helpless and scared, waiting for the feds to “solve” everything?  The free people of your country rebuild, on their own, competently and together; the people who’ve been re-enslaved by Democrats sit, wait, become the victims of violence and their own lethargy.  It’s really sad.  Whole neighborhoods were destroyed by Katrina . . . and are still destroyed all these years later.  Look, too, at Hurricane Sandy.  Again, these people depend on the feds.  They are, of course, ill-served, even mocked by Christie.  Americans, real Americans, don’t sit around waiting for the feds; they get to work and rebuild, they thrive.

We used to know this, America.

I miss you, America.  I miss the you who would look at what is happening now, see it for what it is, and reject it.  I miss the fearless you, the you who refuses to be cowed, silenced, oppressed by fear (of being called RAAACIST or imperialist or whatever).  I miss you, America, and I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever see you again.

The Chris Christie-Barack Obama School Of “Punishing Your Enemies” Thuggery

Well, someone I like very much and respect a great deal is asking that we not pile on Christie for Bridgegate.  Yikes.  That poses a dilemma for me because, quite frankly, I don’t see the logic in the argument that, essentially, we defend the indefensible because one day the same media now screeching for Christie’s head will come screeching for some other GOP head (one we value more than . . . not at all).  I don’t want to “feed the beast” that is the leftist commie propaganda machine.  Of course I don’t.  But frankly, the beast doesn’t need our feeding, it’s self-sufficient and well-fed all on its own.  My tossing a well-earned crumb its way doesn’t tip the scale, and it certainly doesn’t endanger any future conservative I may support.

Such a conservative would not believe his own press, for starters.  Christie apparently thought, as have useful idiots McCain and Graham before him, that hugging Obama and chirping happily about gay marriage and carbon taxes would win him support among the regressive media . . . that they’d see him as one of their own.  This has been tried by every RINO of the past forty years, and it’s always a fail . . . not because they aren’t recognized as like-minded regressives, of course they are, but because the media has to pretend to the ignorant masses that (R) is the “enemy” to keep the balance of power off-kilter with regressives from both parties winning in “opposition” to the last regressive.

And it’s worked.  We haven’t had a conservative in the White House since Reagan.  Not because we refuse to “feed the beast” but because we don’t speak up against the real beast’s latest incarnation when we should.

Let’s face it, nothing we have said or done or can say or do will change the propagandists’ game one whit, and if we try to play their game, we start out with a losing hand.  It’s their game, their rules (to be changed without notice), their playing board, their pawns and pieces.  Playing on that field is folly, particularly if it also requires that we support that which we claim to hate as long as it’s Obama or any (D) being the petty tyrant.  According to this logic, we love tyranny, big government, big spending, and corruption as long as it comes from a (nominal) Republican.

No, thanks.  I don’t think I’ll play the role of useful idiot in this regressive commie farce.

I also don’t want to fall into the trap that regressives set for themselves when they defend every horrible, bad policy, including ones antithetical to their own principles, simply because the person behind it is another regressive.  Doing this damaged not only the “progressive” brand but their credibility on all their own pet issues.  They know this.  We know it.  So why would we jump on that loser machine and do the exact same thing?  They at least have the power of the media on their side to mask their hypocrisy and lack of principles.  We’d have nothing but the knowledge that we did not stand for anything at all.

I can’t live with that; I must stand by my principles to hold my head high each day.  I’m not a soulless scheming creature who can protest something one day and then loudly support it the next.  The thing is wrong or it’s not, no matter who does it.  Do I want to be a regressive who loudly and correctly protests the historic lynching of innocent black people and then equally loudly and incorrectly proclaims that modern-day lynching of TEA Partiers is well-founded and just?  Do I want to have to defend lynching itself as a legitimate course of action against peoples we dislike. . . if only the “correct” party were lynched?  Um, no thanks.  Lynching is either right or wrong, and it is wrong.  The persons being lynched should not be the root of contention as it is on the radical left.

Sure, we’re not talking about lynching when we talk about Christie’s abuse of power to “punish his enemies” but if it’s wrong for Obama to use the IRS and other government agencies to punish his enemies, then it’s wrong to do for Christie. I suppose there’s always the argument that abusing power to punish political enemies is not wrong . . . , but I would hope that no one is arguing that.

So, no, I’m not falling on my sword for any Republican (nor any politician, period), and certainly not for one who has called me a “crazy” and “ignorant.”  If Obama’s abuse of power via the IRS targeting his political “enemies” was repugnant then so is Christie’s abuse of power to target his own political enemies.  That the latter only involved a New Jersey bridge few have heard of and fewer care about and not the entire nation is only a function of his own limited power as governor of New Jersey.  Anyone who would be that petty, spiteful, and vindictive, anyone who would use their power to use as pawns and dupes the people he “leads” on a state scale would be exponentially more dangerous and horrible at a national level.

There is no “but” there.  This is about the character of the man, and Christie’s character is, to me, indiscernible from Obama’s: Chicago thug meets New Jersey thug.  As is his stance on any number of issues:  he’s pro-amnesty, pro-sharia, pro-AGW hoax, pro-gun control . . . I can’t think of one thing about which he is conservative.  Maybe his fiscal policies . . . but hasn’t he actually raised taxes in New Jersey?  Embraced the 0Care Medicaid expansion?  We defend him . . . why?  I just can’t wrap my head around it.  I can’t stand Chris Christie; I think he’d do well to become a democrat, actually.  He may yet.  But then the whole early-1900′s “plan” would fall apart, wouldn’t it?  I mean, if all the commie regressives joined together in one party, how could they possibly convince people to vote again and again for more regressives by plastering a fake (R) or (D) after their name?

Principles matter to me, and I will not stand by someone whom I deem to be unworthy of my support.  And Chris Christie embodies everything that I cannot stand about Obama:  he uses his power to “punish his enemies,” he’s petty, spiteful, mean-spirited, nasty, and thin-skinned.  There is nothing admirable about Christie, nothing.  And for those who think his firing and “holding accountable” his staff members is laudable, let me just remind you that they did not “go rogue” any more than the IRS agents did under Obama.  They’re merely new bumps under the heartless, egocentric Christie’s bus.  Bumps that will pile up just as surely as they did under Obama’s bus . . . or perhaps to be redistributed in his administration.

Fuzzy’s Faux News: AGW Out, EGF In

January 1, 2024

In the wake of Guam tipping over and sinking into the Pacific Ocean last month, Representative Hank Johnson (D-GA) is being hailed as a prophet.  His prescient question at a House Armed Services Committee in 2010 was mocked far and wide at the time, but Prophet Johnson is having the last laugh.  And laugh he is, though he is insistent that he finds no humor in the hundreds of thousands of people who were killed in The Great Guam Capsizing (TGGC) of 2023.

Emperor King High Messiah Obama was quick to reach out to Prophet Johnson and seek his wise counsel as ObamAmerika searches for ways to address the deep problems that TGGC revealed.  Stating his firm resolve to protect not only ObamAmerika but the world from such future catastrophes, Emperor King High Messiah Obama has reestablished his political scientist teams from back in the days before His High and Most Revered Government single-handedly stopped anthropomorphic global warming (AGW) in the twenty-teens, allowing us all freedom from fossil fuel energy and from the burdens of a booming economy.

March 2, 2024

Following two months of imaginative brain-storming and story boarding, Emperor King High Messiah Obama’s crack team of political scientists have discovered the irrefutable and now-settled fact, truth, verity that the earth’s gravitational field (EGF) is in clear and present danger.  Citing the fact that Guam never corrected (the scientific term is “uncapsized”) as well as some convincing scientific evidence having to do with faulty gravity fields and imbalanced, unfair distribution of the globe’s populace, the team has concluded that the entire planet is, once again, in danger of complete destruction.  If the world’s people are not moved to strategic locations to counter-balance the earth’s axis and reestablish the EGF within five (5) years, the report reveals, the EGF will cease to function, and everything that is not rooted will float into space.  Everything not latched down will cause massive space littering, and all people and animals (insects, fish, etc.) will die when they become “de-gravitized” by the loss of the EGF.

“Time is of the essence,” intoned Emperor King High Messiah Obama.  “ObamAmerika will rise to the challenge and set the example for the global community.  Prophet Johnson will begin immediately identifying at-risk islands–those most likely to capsize before our full plan to realign the planet and restore the EGF can be implemented.  From these islands, the people and their heavier belongings will be relocated to the stabilizer regions identified by our great nation’s greatest scientists.”

“To that end,” continued Emperor King High Messiah Obama, “I am proud to disband and reassign all ObamAmerika military forces as follows: the Navy (and its Marine contingent) will become the EGF U-Haul Division, responsible for packing and loading moving vans, ships, etc.; the Air Force will be the “eyes in the sky,” alerting hundreds of executive branch agencies to any signs of potential capsizing of the world’s islands.  They will continue in this function until the population can be fully moved to the EGF stabilizer free zones; the Army will be the construction crews who will begin at once building EGF-friendly federal family communities in those areas (aka EGF stabilizer zones or EGFSZs) deemed essential to maintaining the planet’s EGF.  Other military structures and organizations, such as the Coast Guard, will be put to good use for The Greater Good that is yet to be determined.”

Emperor King High Messiah Obama then rallied the people of ObamAmerika as only He can: “Arise, my children, my loving and loyal pets!  Answer the call of your Leader, your Country, the World!  Begin now!  Destroy your heavier–and therefore destructive to the earth’s gravitational field–appliances, turn in your cars, trucks, and other large, heavy possessions to the nearest Government Office for the Protection of Gravity.  Do it now, and be vastly rewarded when you are moved to the new EGF zones of concentrated population that will–I promise!–restore the earth’s gravitational field! Period.”

“Only this move will secure the future gravitational stability of the planet, and you will be fed government-approved nutritional gruel, housed in mile-high dormitories, assigned work and leisure time; your life will have new meaning as you work with me to stop the reversal of gravity that threatens all living, half-living, once-living, soon-to-be-living, and may never live but still deserve dignity and respect and tolerance and My love!”

June 23, 2024

As the six regional ObamAmerika EGF zones fill up with people who have been redistributed to meet the planet’s gravitational needs, there has been a lot of resistance from the once-thought effectively silenced and disbanded so-called conservative and libertarian groups.  These groups do still exist despite their being outlawed under penalty of death by our Most High Obama in late November of 2016 after he dismantled Congress, rewrote the Constitution, and brought the Supreme Court into the Executive Branch.

Although we are loathe to give credence to these radical, anti-science zealots, some of their messaging appears to be hampering the Great Cause of Our Time, EGF.  With that in mind, we want to address their ridiculous claims so that you, dear readers and loyal ObamAmerikans, will not trouble your heads with their flights of fancy.  Remember, these are the same laughable morons who claim that Ted Cruz actually won the 2016 presidential election that, only by happenstance, preceded the Emperor King High Messiah Obama’s proper restructuring of the old “America” and its dated, clunky government apparatus laid out in that silly, almost-forgotten “Constitution.”

These groups argue several points that are, frankly and by this ObamAmerikan reporter’s word of honor, disgraceful, treasonous, and blasphemous against Emperor King High Messiah Obama’s unchallenged Messiahdom.  They say that Guam did not capsize, that the majority of the people of Guam were annihilated by ObamAmerika nuclear bombs, that the few survivors have been broadcasting from that lost island via (get this!) ham radio, that the earth’s gravitational field is not at risk, that the EGF crisis is but a means to an end first dreamed up in the last century and having to do with the UN’s Agenda 21, and a few other silly assertions (for example, that the EGF crisis is yet another “hoax” like the hole in the ozone and the AGW threat. Imagine!).

These claims are easily refuted, of course.  Guam did capsize and we know this because the Great and Marvelous Truth-Teller Obama has told us so.  We also have pictures that clearly depict open expanses of ocean where we have been told Guam once stood.  Their treasonous claims that they have accessed the long-defunct Google Earth and have satellite images of the island, still upright, make this claim all the more laughable.  No one can access that awful, treasonous technology.  Emperor King High Messiah Obama has told us that it is no longer accessible.  Case closed.  Ditto the claims of nuclear bombs and “ham” radio!  And who are they, troglodytes and illiterates one and all, to claim they have any knowledge of the complex science of gravity?  Ha!  We at FNN scoff openly at these claims!  As to that old boogey-man the UN’s Agenda 21; no one is forcing anyone to move to the EGF stabilizer free zones!  ObamAmerikans are simply being given their own free choice: move to these zones as patriots and free citizens of the planet or be killed on the spot as a traitor and threat to global gravitational stability.  They have a choice here, after all, so it’s not “tyranny” as they claim.

We urge you to join the truly enlightened citizens of ObamAmerika and reject the childish, anti-intellectual ideas perpetrated by traitors and terrorists.  Anyone with two brain cells to rub together knows that what Emperor King High Messiah Obama and the Prophet Johnson say is final and true; add in the entire scientific community, who all agree with no dissent whatsoever of any kind ever, that the EGF crisis is real, and you can clearly see who is on the right side of history here.