Introducing FCC-Mandated Guest Blogger, Fussy Slippers

Special note from the FCC:  In keeping with EO 31,343,667, this rightwing nutjob blog has been assigned a rational (i.e. progressive) guest blogger who will be offering the now-required balancing viewpoint to the Fox News-inspired, Koch brothers-funded (well, probably), domestic “terrorist” viewpoint.  The blogger assigned to this blog has a life-long affiliation with the progressive movement and is an environmentalist-occupier-vegan-social justice community organizer who majored in postcolonialist-feminist-Marxist-women’s studies education and frequently and randomly uses literary references and quotations to demonstrate her superior intellect as is required of all progressive bloggers.  Try not to be intimidated by her obvious superiority because you are required, by presidential decree, to read her posts.  It is preferred that you read only her posts, but this is still a free country. For now.

Wow!  That’s some intro from my brother-in-law, huh?   I’d so totally blush if I were capable of pride, which I am not because pride is a negative emotion that only white, privileged western males allow to bloat their ego.  I have no ego, either, in case you were wondering.  Ego, as I like to quote Shakespeare, is what goesetheth before a fall.  I do have some bloat, though, which I think is due to my earth-conscious, vegan-inspired all broccoli sprouts diet.  I have a great sprouting system that I bought with my SNAP card from this totally groovy patchouli salesperson.  I don’t mind the bloat, though, as I am happy to suffer for the cause as so many before me have done like in slave times.  I’m worried about all the farting, though.  I think that’s bad for the ozone.  Or maybe it’s global warming.  But I have noticed that my farts attract my fellow progressives to my personal space, so I’m looking at it like a mating call.

Anyways, this Fuzzy Slippers person hasn’t blogged in a good long time, so I don’t have a lot to respond to yet.  She’s probably busy sewing a snake onto a flag or something; you rightwing nutjobs do the oddest things in your spare time.  Me?  I like to finger paint signs for my next protest and poop in shop doorways.  At least I contribute, ya know?

So you probably want to know a little more about me.  I’m Fussy, and I like things to go my way.  If they don’t, I like to hold my breath, stomp my foot, and then release my breath in a gushing backwards gasp while I loudly explain why I hate-hate-hate hate and will never ever tolerate intolerance.  If there were no hate and intolerance in this world, I’d not have to be so totally filled with hate and intolerance.  So it’s my mission–well, one of my missions, right up there with campaigning for a ban on women shaving their armpits–to eliminate everyone else’s hate and intolerance.

Anyways, more about me.  There’s really not much I like talking about as much as I like talking about me.  And how I think the world should be.  Like wouldn’t it be great if those self-centered, self-absorbed, me-me-me teabaggers would get a grip and realize that everything is not about them?  Here’s a relevant quote from Dylan Thomas (he’s a totally famous Muslim-African-American female poet from the Middle East, by the way):  “I would not like them here or there; I would not like them anywhere.”  As you can see, Dylan Thomas, herself, loathed the teabaggers, and that’s good enough for me.

Well, it’s getting late, and I have to unplug my carlet so I can hum off at an earth-saving 12 miles per hour to my “save the planet, kill a conservative” meeting at the coffee house.  We’re expecting a record turnout of two, including me, this time, so I don’t want to be later than usual.

Up twinkles!